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Fears of an adoption failing?
Posted: 11 April 2010 04:53 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  112

In my blog Scared of Adoption Failure Statistics? Don’t Be: Adoption Can Have a 100-Percent Success Rate, I discussed some of my initial fears of adoption and how I faced them.
Can you relate to these emotions or to the ones I experienced after my adoption fell apart?
Do you have any tips to others who are currently going through a failed adoption?

Posted: 15 April 2010 02:44 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  3

I cried as I read this post - we had a failed adoption at the hospital after the baby had been born.  It took time to heal.  The worst part was going back to work - no one knew how to react or what to say (this was our first adoption and we proudly, maybe stupidly, announced it to everyone).  It was painful to be at work because I felt like my friends were avoiding me because they didn’t know how to react.

Less than one month after the first adoption fell through, we were matched again and three weeks after that my beautiful, amazing daughter was born.  I know that everything happens for a reason and I know why that first adoption failed, and I am thankful that it failed because now I have my daughter. 

We are currently waiting to be matched.  I really hadn’t thought about the failed adoption in a while, but now that we’re waiting, the fears of another failure have slowly crept back into my mind.  I think that since I’ve been through it once and I know how painful it was, I am scared that it may happen again.  But, the fears will not stop me!

Posted: 20 June 2010 04:02 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  12

Thank you for sharing your experience with the failed adoption and the comments too!  We are just matched with our first adoption situation - and although the birthmom has assured us she is committed to the process, it does seem risky at times.  While we know there is no certainty until after all the papers are signed, its nice to be reminded that we’ll survive regardless the outcome of this situation.


Posted: 20 June 2010 04:45 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  3

We were matched a few days after I posted this comment.  The baby is not due until September which is forever away!  The birthmom is half way across the country, so it doesn’t really feel real yet, even though we have talked and texted back and forth with her and her boyfriend.  I am still very scared about all that can happen between now and September.  I hate that I have no control over what will happen!  We have decided not to ge tthe nursery ready until we are home, just in case, since we have our 3 year old to think about too.

Good luck on your match!!!


Posted: 23 June 2010 03:23 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  13

Can you relate to these emotions or to the ones I experienced after my adoption fell apart? Absolutely, unfortunately. We had 2 adoptions fall through that were hard, then we had 2 that were REALLY hard to total 4, count them, 4 fall-throughs/mis-matches in our 22 months of domestic adoption efforts. The last one was the worst, where we drove from KS to PA and were at the hospital when the baby was born, the agency, facilitator, birthparents and the hospital all played roles in this devestating loss for us. We drove the 16 hours home absolutely grief stricken and shocked. We took 2 days off and then just sucked it up and went back to work. It was the worst thing we’ve ever experienced in our marriage. BUT, we got up each day, we toughed it out and a short 2 months later, we had a new agency, a renewed homestudy and a BABY!!!! Sophia came to us and we have been blessed ever since! She is now 10 months old.

Do you have any tips to others who are currently going through a failed adoption? Tips? Push yourself to go through the motions of going to work, eating dinner, sleeping and eventually, it will all get better. Go to the spa, take a weekend vacation, eat chocolate, whatever it takes to survive! It was also so helpful that our family removed all the baby stuff from the room before we got home so we didn’t have to look at it. AND it helped that our pastor spent time with us counseling… AND, our friends knew to just leave us alone and we’d talk about it when we were ready. We are blessed with phenomenal friends. My MIL was the worst to deal with though… ugh. My final tip (since I’m an expert) is pray for the birthmother out there somewhere, pray for your unknown baby/child you’re adopting that they are healthy, and that they’ll find their way to you. Best wishes friends!!!