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How did you tell your friends and family?
Posted: 15 January 2010 07:11 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  25

YOu are not alone in finds the propsect of telling family and friends about the adoption decision hard.  Here’s the link to an article from the Adoptive Families archives by a reader who describes her decision to make the announcement in a letter—
Hope it’s helpful!

Posted: 15 January 2010 05:45 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  8

Thank you, it was!  In a way I want to tell EVERYONE and just get it out there, but in another way I want to stay quiet until we find our house and get the homestudy underway.  Explaining the “why” is really getting me.  I have a hard time putting how I feel on this into the right words!  I know that in the end it is our decisions, but like the person that wrote that said, people want to “get” why you chose this instead of bio kids.  I do have childless family members as well, and I don’t know why.  I mean, as a child, it never really seemed unusual, just aunt and uncle so-and-so didn’t have kids.  As an adult, I feel inapropriate asking, and it certainly never came up.  So it could be choice, or infertility and for whatever reason they chose not to adopt.  I just want to make sure we can help everyone understand without possibly hurting anyone’s feelings.  With so many different situations as far as kids in the family are concerned, it’s really making me think.  Good thing I have time!  I like the letter idea, because we do have family all over the country, and I too think a phone call is like dropping a bomb without giving them time to think about what they just heard.  If everyone lived here, I would probably try to do some (like parents and siblings) face to face, but then again, if everyone lived here it probably would be less of a shock because we would have the chance to be closer and they would probably have an idea anyway.

Posted: 15 January 2010 06:24 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2

Once we applied to our agency, my husband and I decided to speak to our parents separately regarding our plans to adopt (me with my mom and dad; him with his mom and dad).  We thought this was the best way to approach it, because we are in the process of an international transracial adoption and wanted our parents to speak openly and honestly about their feelings. I think people tend to edit their thoughts when in the presence of in laws. Plus, his parents are older than mine, very old-fashioned, and have had no experience with adoption in the family. Mine are more modern and our family has had a long history of adoption, though all domestic—not international.

Their feelings and opinions would NOT have swayed us or changed our minds. We are both in our 40s, never had bio kids, and we are certain this is the right path for us. However, we did want to get a sense of where they’d be at because we wanted to count on their support through a very long, stressful process. Thankfully, they are very excited and have adjusted quite well from the beginning! Whew!
After that, we shared with siblings and the few close friends that we asked to write recommendation letters (we wouldn’t have included friends, but the rules stated that family members were not allowed to write the letters). We asked them all to keep our confidence, and so far it seems they have. We are in our 17 month of waiting, so I know it is not easy for them not to tell extended family and close friends about our plans. I simply told them, “We know how excited you are, but we’ve waited a long time to have a child and this should be OUR news to share”. They got the point.
Oh, and I did tell my boss a few months ago, because the process is so unpredictable and I didn’t want to be unprofessional by taking time off without any notice. She’s a mother too (bio and adopted), so she knows the deal!
As soon as we get our referral, we’ll be telling everyone.

I have been thinking a lot about findingbalance’s post, and I say this: It is not difficult for people to understand that you and your husband found each other, fell in love, and decided to make a life together. Obviously, you have no bio connection to each other, but your love isn’t any less valid or real because of it. The same is true of adoption. The biology doesn’t matter. You might say that your love for each other has inspired you to find another person, already in the world, to join your family. You are confident that this can happen because you’ve already proven it can be done!
I will give it some more thought though.

Posted: 23 January 2010 05:35 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1

We brought it up to our parents and siblings separately.  The reactions we recieved were across the board.  When we started the process our SW talked to us about grieving for the fact that we couldn’t have biological children.  What I didn’t consider is that my parents may need to do that as well.  And they did.  My first reaction was to get angry.  And then I just realized that they needed as much time to absorb the news as we did to come to the decision to adopt.  You will get positive and negitive reactions.  Just know that those that love you, need to process this and in time will come around.

Posted: 05 June 2010 11:28 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  6

this is wonderful to hear about all of this especially since my husband and i are in a very similar situation- i am 29 and he is 34-we have been together for 9 years and married for 4.  for the past year we have been discussing having children and now have come to realize we want to adopt a child out of foster here in ny.
i didn’t want to go through the hassle-what if we cannot have children?  who is at fault?  etc…  and if maybe later it happens, then that child will have an awesome older brother or sister smile

we have some family i will find to be super supportive and others that will not understand-i guess we will find out in time.  we are at the very beginning of the process so the only one who is really aware of this is my sister because we are best friends…i’ve mentioned it hypothetically and everyone seems ok, however, it is our decision and since we will be the ones guiding, loving and protecting the child-i know in my heart it will work out great

best of luck to you!!!!

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