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Infertility Support Discussions

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  • equalrighttoparent
    Discrimination in Loans for Fertility Services?

    Hello, I am a law student conducting research on discrimination in loans for fertility and adoption services.

    Discrimination in lending decisions against single/unmarried individuals, LGBTQ folks, older Americans, racial and…

  • misssuey
    Questions and fears

    Recently my husband and I did our last round of IVF which unfortunately was unsuccessful.  We decided to move on to adoption because after 3 years of treatments it has…

  • Luca33
    "When are you going to have babies?"

    Any creative ways to answer this question at work? Before I knew about our fertility issues a few years ago, I made the mistake of saying we wanted children right…

  • Supdub
    Gains from losses

    Hello all,

    I recently read much of the book “Sweet Grapes,” which is about turning the losses of infertility into gains. It was very helpful, but today I’m struggling with…

  • Patty Lazarus
    The Pain of Infertility Revisited

    There are memorable moments in life that strike each of us in a certain way“some are happy moments and others not so much“that may be perceived in a very different way by others, even our closest friends.

    Since the publication of my book, March into My Heart: a Memoir of Mothers, Daughters, and Adoption, in which I recount my journey, including years of infertility, to have a daughter after losing my beloved mother to cancer, I have been startled by the profound reactions my book has provoked from friends and strangers alike. For me, like many other women, dealing with infertility was devastating and isolating. I was silent about what was happening to me until publishing the book years later.

    This week alone, I have received lovely posts on Facebook and touching hand-written notes from readers I have never met.

    I was also brought to tears by some words from one my dearest friends. At lunch this week, she described how guilty she felt after reading my book. She worried that she had been extremely insensitive, so many years ago, talking to me about her own daughters and how wonderful they were. She never understood the pain I had suffered at not being able to conceive a daughter and apologized. “I didn’t even realize I was hurting you; I was a horrible friend!” she said.

    We were having lunch to celebrate her birthday, which ironically was on April 21st, the first day of National Infertility Awareness Week, which is April 21-27 this year. It was ironic because my book reminded her of how she felt before conceiving for the first time when the rest of her friends were all getting pregnant. The silent, isolating pain of infertility was like a deep wound that kept getting hit after the scab had formed. For years, each conversation about pregnancy, or related topics, opened emotional wounds even when she thought she had healed after the last conversation or news of another pregnancy. Until reading my book, she never realized that the emotional turmoil I felt about not being able to conceive a daughter was just as painful as the infertility she had suffered.

    My experience with infertility opened my eyes to the pain some women suffer from before having any children. In one chapter of my book, I recalled an interaction with an acquaintance at a party that might have been upsetting to me if the circumstances had been different. That party happened to occur right after I had received the first call from our daughter’s birthmother so I was very upbeat about our situation that evening. So when the woman bragged about her adorable daughter who gave her so much “girlie” joy, knowing I had sons, I was absolutely delighted for her instead of getting upset. In years past, I had found myself dreading such conversations and tried vehemently to stay optimistic about a future relationship with my own daughter.

    I certainly didn’t expect or need an apology from my friend at lunch, and I never felt any of her comments were intentionally thoughtless. It is rewarding to know that people reading my book may get a deeper understanding of the pain infertility causes. Like me, they might have several friends going through infertility and like my friend, they may not recognize the situations that make it truly unbearable at times.  This is in many ways what National Infertility Awareness Week is about“letting our communities know that we all need to show compassion to others and support each other in every situation.

    Patty Lazarus is the author of a new book about adoption titled “March into My Heart: A Memoir of Mothers, Daughters, and Adoption.” Available on Amazon:

  • Patty Lazarus
    New adoption memoir to support others

    I wrote and just published my very personal story of my daughter’s adoption so others can see that adoption can be a wonderful way to start or complete a familly…

  • Danielle Pennel
    The Big IF

    In the Nov/Dec issue of Adoptive Families, did you read the section about infertility?

    Four writers look back on their journey since battling with infertility.  Reading these articles,…

  • lonesapphire
    Infertility and fostering to adopt

    My husband and I are currently in the foster to adopt process…we’re working on getting certified and are doing paperwork while waiting on our background checks.  Anyway, while we’re very…

  • Kat7
    Where do I fit in?

    We are back at fertility “treatments” after having suffered several failed adoption attempts.  I feel I am in such a weird position.  I don’t fit in with people currently trying…

  • Danielle Pennel
    It's National Infertility Awareness Week!

    April 22nd - 28th is National Infertility Awareness Week.  There are many ways to show your support to those in the infertility community, advocate for better laws, share stories of…

  • mamina
    Stories of pregnancy and feelings of doubt?

    I had a well-meaning friend this evening tell me about an infertile colleague who tried “this thing” and got pregnant right away.  “This” could be anything, we’ve all heard these…

  • Chico
    Change of Heart

    Last night I went to bed praying my husband and I would find a baby to adopt.  For seven plus years prior to that, I had prayed to get pregnant. …

  • Alester
    Embryo Adoption?

    So I found this new ‘‘idea’’ EMBRYO ADOPTION!

    Sounds good…. it checks all the boxes
    1. I can adopt a child
    2. the child is neither mine nor…

  • AZ1977
    When is enough enough?

    Hello everyone, I am new to the forums here.. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost two years. 6 cycles of clomid=fail. Then femara which made…

  • Kara E.
    Feeling Surrounded

    It’s been a rough day.  A rough few weeks actually… I am an adoptive mom of the sweetest 18 month old boy ever to grace this planet, and my husband…

  • Danielle Pennel
    National Infertility Awareness Week

    This week, April 24-30, is National Infertility Awareness Week.

    Even if you have entered the world of adoption, that does not mean that you have to forget about…

  • tipd
    How do you deal with it?

    My dh & I are unable to have children and we don’t have any options as far as IVF etc.  So my question is, how do you deal with the…

  • AFC Editors

    No matter what you are dealing with, we’re glad you are here to share your experiences with us and other members in this infertility support group. Please let us know…

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