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understanding where to start

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I am a 40 year old man looking to start the adoption process.  I’ve read all of the literature, blogs, etc, and I am slightly overwhelmed. I am hoping that somebody who has taken this journey already could point me in the right direction, perhaps to a specific lawyer or agency that they had a good experience with. (i’m open to domestic or international, but would like to adopt a healthy child between 0-5 years). I will also happily accept any general guidance or direction. As I’m sure you’re aware from your own experiences, getting one’s initial footing during this process is quite difficult. Thank you in advance. Josh


Welcome to adoption. Even with all the issues most families are glad they did it. I would start calling local agencies and go to their information meetings. Take notes, ask questions. You might see if there are opportunities to volunteer at public agencies to meet some kids.

I have known people who wanted under 5 no medical issues who met a child 10 with spina bifida and fell in love. Another wanted a girl under 5 but ended up with a sib group of three boys You never know.

The more open you are the more opportunities to match but don’t bite off more that you can handle. A small sibling group? Open to all races? Open to contact with birth families?

What does healthy mean?

Allergies ok? eyeglasses ok? ADD ok?

Any child who has had trauma (ie being in foster care or orphanage 0-5) will have some emotional issues re losses and possible neglect and abuse. They can be physically healthy but emotionally hurt.

You can’t control what happened pre-natally (which the agency may or may not know) but exposure to drugs/alcohol can cause learning issues or behavioral issues which might not be recognized until later.

Internationally there are seldom infants (under 1) available. Some countries welcome single parents and others do not. It would be good to see which are which.

It is overwhelming I think you just need to start connecting to the adoption community face to face and see what is viable for you.

Best of luck sorting things out.

Posted by Regina on Feb 07, 2018 at 9:26pm

I agree that you should start calling and talking to local agencies.  They will be able to help guide you and offer suggestions.  I think reading up on the the world of adoption was a good idea.

You probably know this already, but International adoption for single men is tough as there are only a handful of countries that will allow it. 

My experience has been with older children from foster care in state and out of state who are looking to be adopted.  So, not sure how much help I would be, but you’re welcomed to message me with any questions you might have.

Good luck!

Posted by Thor on Feb 08, 2018 at 3:01am

Age for foster adoption should not be a huge issue. I started process when I was mid 40s, placement of a 7 yr old when I was late 40s, and now the proud parent of my son at 50. Getting ready for #2. Definitely do-able.

I think a more important factor is “Do I have a strong support network surrounding me?” Single parenting is not easy, and ALL kids have difficulties at some or other stage (even bio-kids can have difficulties). Unless one wins the lottery, one can’t just take time off work every other week if your child get’s sick, is sent home for behavior issues, etc. Even the healthiest of kids get sick from time to time.

Life is a journey, and despite all the complexities that occur with adoption it truly is a blessing. Good luck with the journey.

Posted by SD on Feb 08, 2018 at 10:27am

I was already researching adoption as a single parent when I met my husband.  When we began researching adoption as a couple, we were interested in a young child, age 4 or younger, not necessarily an infant.  It turns out that private domestic adoption is almost always newborn adoption, so if you are thinking more toddler to preschool, then you are looking at international or foster-adopt.  The rules for international adoption have changed tremendously recently, and many countries no longer allow younger children or infants to be adopted out of country.  So, if you are thinking of international, you need to look at the rules for specific countries.  (when my husband and I married, we no longer qualified for several countries because of our age, length of time together, etc)  We looked into foster-adopt, but domestic infant adoption ended up being the best fit for us.

Posted by jszmom on Feb 11, 2018 at 4:39pm

I was a foster parent at 40 and adopted my 1 & 4 year old placements when I was 41. It’s been hard, but I personally think the hardest part is just being a parent… in my family, the single & foster stuff is not as hard as the good ol’ parenting stuff.  But as Tom Hanks said in League of Their Own, it’s the hard that makes it GREAT.

I love it. 

Good luck!!

Posted by Kennedy on Aug 30, 2018 at 12:59pm

I think it is best to explore all avenues adoption from foster care (most younger children are adopted by their foster family so you may want to do that although many children will be placed with birth family) domestic infant and international. All have pros and cons. Go to meetings talk to other parents get info and see what is best for you

Posted by Regina on Aug 30, 2018 at 3:53pm

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