Been there, done that. Everyone I knew told me I’d change my mind, my doctors included. You can’t change their minds, so you just have to let it roll off your back.

I probably could have gotten preggers if we’d be willing to go through extra effort.  But neither my husband or I cared to try.  We didnt want bio kids, between my CF and his severe ADD.  However, we DID want a family, and adoption was just perfect for us.  I have encountered the same attitude, my doc refused to consider a hysterectomy, even though I had horrible painful periods and wanted that thing GONE.  “I might change my mind and want kids” he said.  Yeah, I want kids honey, but I’m not exactly prime breeding stock!  *grin*  Just smile and nod, and go about your life : )

ditto !!!!!
my kids are now 5 & 6 (both adopted) and my gyno STILL gives me prenatal vitamins every time i see her…....
no thanks…..
got my girl
got my boy
got the world
wouldnt change a THING !!!!!!

For what it’s worth, I believe you. Adoption is a great first choice!

Even if you fall in love, you may still decide to adopt, or maybe he doesn’t want or can’t have bio kids, either. I have an aunt who got married, and they eventually adopted. You may also decide to stay single. I never married, and I have my beautiful adopted daughter.

Your story sounds like exactly what happened to me!  I just couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to go through fertility treatments and there were no particular fertility issues found with either me or my husband.  It all looked totally healthy & normal.

When I decided to do our first adoption, everyone advised me to wait and keep trying to get pregnant because ‘you can always adopt later.’

I’m so glad I didn’t listen to that advice!  The moment I began our first adoption, I felt a power surge through my whole body and I felt a rightness with everything I did that I’d never felt before. 

Four adoptions later, I am so grateful I trusted myself. 

It IS true that people often find it hard to believe that adoption is our first choice.  But that’s because we women who choose adoption as our first choice are leaders in changing public perceptions about adoption and the stigma still attached to it.

That’s why I started Adoption Goddess, The Adoptive Mother’s Empowerment Circle.(http://www.adoptiongoddess.com). Because Adoption is beautiful and it’s time we adoptive moms start OWNING it.  I invite All you ‘first choicers’ to please stop by and leave a comment.  let your voice be heard on this matter.  There are so many adoptive moms-to-be who have never heard a woman speak of adoption as her ‘first choice.’

Thanks so much for sharing,
xo Elizabeth
http://www.adoptiongoddess.com

Partly it’s just due to being in a minority. It is not the norm so people question it. (I am out so much time and money waiting to adopt my first that I question it but I hope you’re experience is better than mine

Adoptism-  a prejudice perpetrated towards adoptive parents and adopted children—is very real.  We owe it to ourselves and to the children we adopt, to stand up to adoptism when we encounter it.  So when others ask why we are seeking to adopt, or make comments that suggest that adoption is a second-best way to build a family, or for a child to get to be part of a family, its important that we respond in a way that directly addresses THAT as the issue.  i.e. “It is a common misconception that adoption is a second-best, inferior way to get to be a parent, or for a child to have a family, even though no one is impolite enough to come right out and say that that is what they believe.  The fact is, it is NOT true.  I am very put-off by that sort of prejudicial thinking, so I hope that that is not behind your question/comment. Its not—right?” 

    I DO think it is problematic for someone to HAVE to be believed that adoption is a first choice, rather than leaving others to wonder whether it is a first, second, or third choice.  For when we have to explain and be believed, we are inadvertently conveying that there is something lesser or shameful about those for whom adoption was not a first choice—for those who are infertile, or are grappling with secondary infertility, or decided that they are too old to go through pregnancy and birth, or have medical problems that would put them at risk if they became pregnant, or might pass along serious hereditary problems to a child AND would otherwise have preferred to have birthed a child.  We throw those folks (the majority of adoptive parents) under the bus—maybe because we are fearful of being pitied and considered inferior in the parenting department. 

Or, we wish to be viewed as noble (as in, adopting to save or rescue a child from an inferior life). That will NOT be terrific for our kids, for then they are viewed as THE PROJECT—someone to be pitied, someone who is expected to be grateful and to feel “lucky.” 

    For that reason, I would hope that we will all strive towards developing or demonstrating enough self esteem and confidence to point out to someone that they are making an assumption about something they have no business asking/ commenting about in the first place.  That regardless, adoption is an equally-first-BEST way to build a family and not something people decide to do, only after learning that they can’t birth a child.  And that you don’t intend to reveal your motivation any more than you intend to ask whether their children were planned or unplanned, or some other too-personal question.  If we’d all start doing that, we would have a prayer of someday eradicating adoptism—which, unfortunately, hurts adopted kids mightily and FAR more than it could ever hurt us.

Jane A. Brown, MSW

I got some of that. I didn’t bother with birth control until I was about to be married (I’m old-fashioned in that sense).  But when I did, I wanted all the options on the table, including hysterectomy.  My doc may have intimated that I might change my mind, but I was 32 at the time so I don’t think she did whole-heartedly.  What I do remember her saying was that it was a very intrusive surgery where vasectomy for my husband was not.  And yes, it’s reversible, but both my husband and I knew that wouldn’t matter.  It wouldn’t be reversed. (Incidently, take the prenatal vitamins. They’re good for your hair!)

I got it more from my family early on.  I knew I was for adoption when I was a teen.  I got yelled at for 2 hours by my older sister at first then it kind of boiled own to the simmer of “You’ll probably change your mind once you’re married.”  I’m sure my mom figured I’d change my mind.  But eventually, that just wore out.  They just quietly came to see that I wasn’t changing my mind.  They certainly had the time.  It became just accepted.  We held a raffle at our wedding reception to start our adoption fundraising.  No one batted an eye!

Everyone deserves to be the authority on how they themselves feel.  It is arrogant for other people to treat you as if you couldn’t possibly know! Don’t waste your time debating with them, just go ahead with what is feels right, and look elsewhere for friends and doctors who do support, listen and HEAR you.

“We held a raffle at our wedding reception to start our adoption fundraising.”

Gee, did you get enough money?
Yeah, I “might change my mind and want kids” he said.
“want kids honey, but I’m not exactly prime breeding stock!  *grin*  So you expect another woman to perhaps be “prime breeding stock” for you.
Please, please please do not adopt a child.

so patsymae, what’s your suggestion? should we just allow abandoned/abused/unwanted kids to rot away in orphanages because no one can afford to adopt them? I agree that it should not be so expensive to be given the opportunity to nurture a child, but unfortunately that’s the way the system is. blame those who run and profit from the system, not those who would change it if they could. we’re doing our best here, and remember that as painful and tragic as adoption can be, in the long run both the adopted child and the adoptive parents, and in some cases the birth parents, benefit from it

Many years ago, when I was just 19, I went to a Pre-Cana weekend in preparation to be married to my first husband in the Catholic Church (He is Protestant).

Somehow, I was destined to adopt a child or children.  At that time, I did not know that I would go through years of infertility.  I had a diary to write in over this weekend to share with my soon-to-be husband.  In my diary, I wrote of my desire to adopt someday, and shared this with my fiance.

We attempted to conceive for a few years; however, my Endometriosis prevented conception.  I’d have started the adoption process sooner, but there was a minimum age to reach, and financial needs.  So, I was able to proceed years later, and my first child, my son, arrived 9 years after being married.  My daughter arrived almost 2 1/2 years later. 

I think that you will not care too much after the baby is in your arms, whether through birth or adoption.  You will know that the child is yours to love and raise!  Your intentions are good.  Pick your first choice…adoption!

I didn’t want children for a long time.In my 40’s and changed my mind. I had one miscarriage and I didn’t want to go through all the testing and crap with fertility treatments. I am a very private person.
We adopted 2 girls from China and we are very happy!
Wouldn’t do it any other way!