How about saying, “Just be glad you’re not on your 19th month of waiting - like me.”  Then immediately change the subject to something work related.  That may sound semi-rude, but it’s better than blowing your top…and surely she’d get the hint!

Ooooo ... that is so tough!  Here’s my idea: “I hate myself for feeling this way, but I can’t seem to separate my situation from yours.  Hearing your frustration just compounds my frustration, and I don’t think it’s productive for either of us.  Maybe we can make a pact to only talk about the optimistic parts of the process?  At least temporarily?” 

That’s all I got ... GOOD LUCK!

I like the two suggestions above.  I would also add that it is very easy to waste energy on other people when you’re adopting.  I really suggest working to develop tunnel vision.  You don’t need unnecessary distractions.  Adoption isn’t a foot-race.

I also like the above suggestions.  I would definitley say something and plan it, ‘cause otherwise you will say something eventually, which might not be polite at all (TOTALLY understandable) but since you have to work with her you don’t want to make too much of a scene.  Good luck and God bless!

marym, I actually like her, but I’m worried her husband would be the abusive parent; he’s already beaten her rather severely several times. so this bothers me. it also bothers me that she seems to think we’re best of friends just because we’re both trying to adopt, when we’re not. and it’s really annoying when she whines constantly about how hard it is to wait for a child. I’m her go-to person for venting; imagine how hard it is to hear someone complaining about how hard the process is after only 2 weeks. I try to save my venting (ok, whining) for online groups like this one, where I have some hope of understanding. no one else really seems to feel like hearing it or “gets” it, so I leave my coworkers, friends and family out of it, with only the occaisional update. just because she annoys me doesn’t mean I won’t care about my child. what’s with the pox? seems kinda harsh

I agree that marym’s comment was a bit harsh and very undeserved. Let’s keep this a supportive environment since that is why we are all here and what we need.
We are not superheros just because we are adopting, we are human and subject to human feelings. I can totally understand why you are frustrated. My daughter has a friend who does the sighing and comparing troubles thing and is drives me batty so I’m glad I don’t have to be around her all the time.
The only thing I’ve found that works is to feel sorry for them instead of angry. It takes work but helps in two ways. First, your frustration level goes down if you remember that she is just trying to get you to feel sorry for her, or admire her (which is what she’s doing) as well as trying to measure up to her idea of you. Second, since her primary goal is to elevate herself in your eyes, if you feel sorry for her, she will see she is not getting what she wants and move on.
Hope this helps, stick in there, and keep coming back for support! I hope you get your forever child soon.

I think a bigger problem than whining is an abusive husband. Are you planning on contacting the agency and sharing that or just allowing a child to go to a home with domestic violence? Are her current children safe? Does he hurt them (of course watching dad beat mom is hurting them).

I would be thinking ethically and morally what your responsibility is to keep her children and future children safe.

I think a bigger problem than whining is an abusive husband. Are you planning on contacting the agency and sharing that or just allowing a child to go to a home with domestic violence? Are her current children safe? Does he hurt them (of course watching dad beat mom is hurting them).

I would be thinking ethically and morally what your responsibility is to keep her children and future children safe.

Regina, I’ve already contacted her agency; of course I wouldn’t “just allow” a child to go into an unsafe environment. that was a whole different post. as far as I know he doesn’t hurt the current kids; my coworker says not, and whenever I’ve seen them they look fine.

Oh Good. Domestic violence does leave an emotional toll on the children but there is not much you can do re that. I guess we need to trust the agency will do the right hting.