National Adoption Directory


Find an Adoption Agency

Find an Adoption Attorney

Full Directory ►

Join Adoption Groups!

Click the arrows to expand each group category below

Family Building Options

Starting Out in Adoption

Waiting to Adopt

U.S. Newborn Adoption

U.S. Foster Adoption

International Adoption

My Family

My Adoption Interests

My Child's Age/Stage

My Location

The Adoption Triad

Adoptive Families Magazine

Open Adoption Families

When does the grave train stop???


Our son is almost 5 years old.  He is well aware he is adopted.  We have contact with his birth mom and grandmother who live local.  But over the past 3 years the only time they want to see him is when they want money or gifts from us! 
At what point do we cut this out???  Of course guilt motivates us but we have paid for a pool membership, given gift cards and taken them to nice dinners this year already.  Last Christmas she scammed us out of more gift cards because we didn’t send the package with a tracker on it.  She knew this and asked for more gift cards to buy presents for her other kids, who she has lost custody of.  This Christmas I am not feeling like this need to continue every year. 

So how long do you continue to give and give when they make no effort to see the birth child unless there is money or gifts associated with it?!?!?
Frustrated!

Replies

Hi so we have been living in a very similar situation.  We adopted my sisters baby at birth 10 years ago. Our DD has a full biological brother who is being raised by my sister. 

My sister has never been able to manage her life or her finances and we have always helped her out.  It hit a really bad point a couple of months ago when we had to bail her out to the tune of 4 thousand dollars and I told her it had to stop.  She crossed the line and almost tried to extort money saying well you have the child I gave you now I need you to help me….. note we have helped her for YEARS to the tune of thousands of dollars put her thru rehab for alcohol problems… it goes on and on…..

She does not call unless she needs something which is usually money. Does not care to find out how our DD is doing and it is just sad.  After this last round she called again and wanted more money and I had to tell her that we would not be giving her any more money….. She is drinking heavily again and is in a downward spiral and is very sad.

Gravy train has to end…....it will be very hard but in the long run it is not healthy for you or your son.  Hang in there and blessings on finding a balance with the birth family…..

Posted by Special K on Nov 14, 2017 at 9:58pm

Oh and I get the guilt trip….. dont let the guilt get to you…. be strong…...

Posted by Special K on Nov 14, 2017 at 10:04pm

Stop now, you are not buying your child from her.  You have helped enough, there is helping then there is supporting her and paying for what she gave you.  We helped first mom for years so when the girls came to us she got no more help unless she did something for it.  Recently she helped my sister out so I gave her $10.  Later that night she ripped my sister off for $190.

Tell her this feels way too much like she wants you to pay for the baby she gave you through adoption and that just isn’t going to happen.  Think down the road when she may tell your child that you bribed her for your child.  Have a list of community service organizations handy for her and tell her that she is going to have to seek public help in the future.  If she wants to have visits you are willing to all go to a mid-range restaurant as your treat but that’s it.  No gifts, no cash, no expensive dinners. 

You have nothing to feel guilty about as long as you did not coerce her to give the baby up for adoption and you are not going to pay for raising her child.  You are the child’s parents.

Posted by C3 on Nov 15, 2017 at 12:33am

I am of the opinion that you treat birth family as you would any other family members - no better, no worse.

At first, when DS’s bmom asked for money, we’d always give it to her. After a specific incident occurred, we finally realized that we couldn’t always be saying yes.

At this point, when a birth family member asks for money, we consider the request in context. Sometimes we say yes, but, more often, we say no.

We do, however, send Christmas presents. Not extravagant ones, but a little something, just like we do for my nephews and some of my friends’ children.

Posted by rredhead on Nov 15, 2017 at 1:54am

These response are great!  I really appreciate all the input!  I especially like rredhead when you say “treat birth family the same as you would any other family member”.

Sometimes I just need some reinforcement that I am making the right decision. 
Thanks all!

Posted by astofko on Nov 15, 2017 at 11:22am

Buy Any Document,Passport, driver license,ID card[quickdoccuments@gmail.com]+237673581889
Guaranteed 24 hour passport,citizenship,Id cards,driver’s
license,diplomas,degrees,certificates service available.
Tourist and business visa services available to residents
of all 50 states and all nationalities Worldwide. We are
unique producers of Authentic High-Quality passports,
Real Genuine Data Base Registered and unregistered
Passports and other Citizenship documents.I can guarantee
you a new Identity starting from a clean new genuine
Birth Certificate, ID card, Drivers License, Passports,
Social security card with SSN, credit files, and credit
cards, school diplomas, school degrees all in an entirely
new name issued and registered in the government database
system..

ORDER ANY UNIVERSAL DOCUMENTS YOUR IN NEED OF
-PASSPORTS
-ID card
-Drivers License
-Social security card
-Canada Cards
-United States Cards
-Student Cards
-International Cards
-Private Cards
-Adoption Certificates
-Baptism Certificates
-Birth Certificates
-Custom Certificates
-Death Certificates
-Divorce Certificates
-Marriage Certificates
etc

CONTACT US
General support:==================> .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Contact e-mail:==================> .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Whatsapp contact:___________________________ +237673581889


We also offer high-quality counterfeit bills for the following
currencies;
EUR - Euro
USD - US Dollar
GBP - British Pound
etc

We use high-quality equipment and materials to produce
authentic documents.All secret features of real passports
are carefully duplicated for our Registered and
unregistered documents.we are the unique producer of quality
false and Real documents.We offer only original high-
quality Registered and unregistered passports, driver’s
licenses, ID cards, stamps, Visa, school Diplomas and
other products for a number of countries like USA,
Australia, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Italian, Finland,
France, Germany, Israel, Mexico, Netherlands, South
Africa, Spain, United Kingdom.
Buy Registered and unregistered USA(United States)
passports,
Buy Registered and unregistered Australian passports,
Buy Registered and unregistered Belgium passports,
Buy Registered and unregistered Brazilian(Brazil)
passports,
Buy Registered and unregistered Canadian(Canada)
passports,
Buy Registered and unregistered Finnish(Finland)
passports,
Buy Registered and unregistered French(France) passports,
Buy Registered and unregistered German(Germany)
passports,
Buy Registered and unregistered Dutch(Netherland/Holland)
passports,
Buy Registered and unregistered Israel passports,
Buy Registered and unregistered UK(United Kingdom)
passports,
Buy Registered and unregistered Spanish(Spain) passports,
Buy Registered and unregistered Mexican(Mexico)
passports,
Buy Registered and unregistered South African passports.
Buy Registered and unregistered Australian driver
licenses,
Buy Registered and unregistered Canadian driver licenses,
Buy Registered and unregistered French(France) driver
licenses, etc


Registered and unregistered passport of all
countries,visas,biometric passport,degrees,drivers
license, I.D cards.Training certificates M GCSE, A-levels,
High School Diploma Certificates, GMAT, MCAT, and LSAT
Examination Certificates, Novelty Birth, Marriage, and
Death Certificates, Novelty Passports
and New Identity Packages, Replicated, False
Degrees/Diplomas from most post-secondary institutions
from around the world (we have over 3000
templates on file) all designed to look 100% identical to
the original.Custom Printing (if we do not already have
the template on file – simply email us a
copy and we can make any alterations/modifications as per
your directions).citizenship, identity,
identification, documents, diplomatic, nationality, we show you
how to, where to, get, obtain, buy, purchase, make, build,
a passport, i.d, British, Honduras, UK, USA, us,
u.s., Canada, Canadian, foreign, visa, Swiss, card,
ids, document, getting, visas, cards, foreign.

CONTACT US
General support:====================> .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Contact e-mail:=====================> .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

whatsapp contact:________________________________ +237673581889

Posted by roseamry on Nov 23, 2017 at 6:22pm

HELLO EVERY ONE

Are you looking for a genuine home for a proper and healthy new born baby adoption? why not try out PERFECT BABIES
ADOPTION SERVICE to help you prepare and get you a healthy and adorable baby!. i have been married for 12 years now with 2 beautiful kids of our own, i love and care for my own kids 100% and it hurts to see other kids surfer without parental care, so i and my partner decided to adopt and give the best care we could 100% to the baby, so we decided to come online to search for an adoption home and we saw so many posts and good testimonies about PERFECT BABIES ADOPTION SERVICE, so we contacted them and did all necessity, we adopted bella from PERFECT BABIES ADOPTION SERVICE and she is an amazing child. baby adoption often takes 1 week in this agency and they are been texted legit for any families. try it PERFECT BABIES ADOPTION SERVICE Agency are legit and genuine. cost little to adopt from their agency.  E-mail:
.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) ..

this world could be a better place if we could show help and concern to our futures which are the poor little kids to help them achieve what ever they want in life to be who God destined them to be so they can be better leaders of tomorrow


E-mail:
.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  NOW!!!

Posted by TINAJJC on Dec 12, 2017 at 3:22am

Reply to this thread

You must be logged in to reply. To login, click here. Not a member? Join AdoptiveFamiliesCircle today. It's free and easy!







NATIONAL ADOPTION DIRECTORY


Find an Adoption Agency

Find an Adoption Attorney or Agency



Search the full directory ►