National Adoption Directory


Find an Adoption Agency

Find an Adoption Attorney

Full Directory ►

Join Adoption Groups!

Click the arrows to expand each group category below

Family Building Options

Starting Out in Adoption

Waiting to Adopt

U.S. Newborn Adoption

U.S. Foster Adoption

International Adoption

My Family

My Adoption Interests

My Child's Age/Stage

My Location

The Adoption Triad

Adoptive Families Magazine

Adoptive Families With One Child

When do you move on?


The question I have is when do you accept and move on?

My husband and I had three long adoption experiences…1) About two years ago, we adopted a baby boy. We are blessed that the adoption went through but we had about 7 months of having the birthdad waiver on his decision. 2) We brought home a baby boy and cared for him for about one and a half months. Birthmom wanted the adoption, birthdad didn’t so we needed to return the child. 3) about 10 months later we again brought home a baby boy only to have the birthmom change her mind after he had been in our home for 32 days. The emotions of all three are just too much. We thought about adopting again but aren’t sure if we can go through the process again. We have always wanted at least two children but are now considering ending our adoption journey as how much can we go through????? It feels comforting knowing that we don’t have to “wonder” and “wait” and depend on someone to decide our future for us. We are tired of waiting for the phone to ring only to give us bad news. However, it is hard to close the door on growing our family as that is what we have always hoped for. Any advice you can give about moving on, ending the adoption journey, and raising on only child would be appreciated.

Replies

Oh my goodness K. MOM, what an ordeal you have been through. It may seem trite, but all things happen for a reason. I believe in karma and there is a lesson to be learned here: that you are to be the parent of your one, beautiful child. There is nothing wrong with this outcome, many of us choose it willingly. Relax, enjoy and grow together as a family of three. If you continue to pursue the adoption of another it will compound the present stress and this will not be good for any of you. Embrace your family as it is and rejoice!

Posted by LizLee on Aug 17, 2014 at 2:37am

Maybe consider a toddler or older child that is already free for adoption?

Or if not, rejoice in the good fortune to have your stable family with your one child.

  Volunteer with various charities either at home or around the world that help other less fortunate children. Volunteer in your community with children (Girl or Boyscouts, Recreation committees, Church Youth Groups etc.)  Or host an older child who needs a family as an advocate only…if it works out for you to adopt it’s great, if not, well you will have the satisfaction of having helped another child to find a stable family too.

Posted by Happy Camper on Aug 17, 2014 at 2:54am

I admire you and all the struggles you have been through to adopt. My husband and I ventured out and chose to adopt internationally because of the unpredictability of domestic adoption. International adoption is not for everyone but I appreciated not having the up and down roller coaster that you have had to endure. If you feel like you are done, then maybe you’re meant to be done. But if you are yearning for another child but don’t want a roller coaster ride, perhaps consider international adoption. I also liked the suggestion of Happy Camper of looking into foster adoption of an older toddler. Good luck to you.

Posted by orphantoadoption on Oct 22, 2014 at 8:04pm

DH and I are sticking with one child, but there are a lot of options for people who want a larger family.

HC suggested an older child and OTA suggested international adoption… you could also only consider “stork drops” or short matches where both parents have signed the TPR. Or (I suspect this won’t be popular, but here goes) you could stick with states that have shorter consent withdrawal windows. It sounds like you’ve had two 60-day windows and that is a long time.

Posted by JNC on Oct 23, 2014 at 1:12am

I am so sorry how hard this has been for you.  I honestly never thought I would be a mom so I was thrilled when we adopted dd.  I loved our little family of three and felt “done.”  When dd started school, she started begging for a sibling…and I missed having a little one.  Long and short, we started the adoption thru fc process…my state has a straight adoption program and we met second dd at six months old.  Now I definitely know we are done!  What state are you in?  Some states are easier to adopt from than others.  I am happy to help if you decide to go that route.  Hang in there…you are a very strong person.

Posted by mamallama on Oct 23, 2014 at 2:33pm

Thanks for all your feedback. Mamallama - I am wondering how you adopted through fc? I am guessing that is foster care right? Was it a program like Foster to Adopt. We are in the state of WI so I am not sure what the foster programs are here. Any information or advice you can give would be appreciated. We are still uncertain at this point what our next step in life will be.

Posted by K.MOM on Oct 24, 2014 at 1:53am

Hi Kmom!  Yes, we adopted our youngest daughter through foster care.  At the time she was placed with us, the “goal” had been changed to adoption and the termination of parental rights hearing was scheduled.  It was still “risky” of course, but I felt pretty good that we would be able to adopt.  My state has an option to adopt only (in other words, not fostering with the hope to adopt).  I am not sure what it is like in WI.  In any event, I did a little search and this looks like a great organization to reach out to.  You would have to do training (which isn’t required in private adopt) which can be tough to do with a kid at home.  But there were a lot of great benefits to going this route for us (and our DD is just a doll!).  My best advice…talk to as many folks as you can who have gone this route locally.  I had a really nice woman literally “holding my hand” because it can be overwhelming!  I am really hoping for the best for you.

http://www.wifostercareandadoption.org/

Posted by mamallama on Oct 24, 2014 at 2:54pm

Reply to this thread

You must be logged in to reply. To login, click here. Not a member? Join AdoptiveFamiliesCircle today. It's free and easy!







NATIONAL ADOPTION DIRECTORY


Find an Adoption Agency

Find an Adoption Attorney or Agency



Search the full directory ►