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Infertility Support

"When are you going to have babies?"

Any creative ways to answer this question at work? Before I knew about our fertility issues a few years ago, I made the mistake of saying we wanted children right away after getting married.  Due to our medical issues, biological children are not in our future and we are pursuing adoption at this point.

I don’t want to make the same mistake and tell people at work about our adoption plan, but I don’t want to be rude especially to co-workers I am friends with.  Any advice on what to say? They obviously know we WERE trying and haven’t asked about it in months, but I feel like it’s the white elephant in the room when I walk into work each day.  And it keeps coming up as more and more women are getting pregnant…

Replies can say “guess immediate babies wasn’t meant to be”.  Or that you” haven’t had any luck getting pregnant so are considering your options.” Personally I’d just say you’ve learned you can’t have kids biologically so are considering adoption.”  Or you can say “exactly what you said above.  “Due to our medical condition etc….” The only thing I’d add is that you’re “excited about this but it often takes several years. I’ll let you know when there is any news!”

Think about it this way.  Your co-workers may be more on board if they see what you go thru to adopt, than if they just suddenly learn you now have an adopted baby!  In that case you’d be dealing with adopt ed as well as a new baby all at once!!

Personally I kept quiet for much of the initial time because I didn’t want others advising about what child or route to adoption I chose. Once that decision was behind me I pretty much tell everyone.  I have found many allies, and families formed by adoption that I did not know about, and wouldn’t have found if I had kept quiet.

Posted by Happy Camper on Nov 14, 2014 at 11:51pm

We just told everyone who asked that we were in the process of adopting, but it was a long, hard process and we didn’t know when it would actually happen… a week, a month or two years. Some curious people would check in from time to time and I would give them a quick update (e.g. “We just finished our home study, so now we’re just waiting!”). We only told very close friends and family about our matches… most people in our circle found out about us adopting after we’d finalized. But everyone is different - just do what feels right for you!

Posted by JNC on Nov 15, 2014 at 1:00am

I would just say, “when god gives them to me” and leave it at that, if it fits with your beliefs. Or try “we’re working on it”, which should stop the questions without being too rude.

Posted by rn4kidz on Nov 16, 2014 at 2:18am

First, you are under no obligation to explain anything to anyone about your private life, so you don’t have to say anything. If you are pursuing private adoption, there is some advantage in telling people, and I do know of people who matched with expectant moms through friends or coworkers, it does occasionally happen. 

I agree with Happy Camper that you may have more support at work if you let them in on it early.  You will also spend the rest of your life educating people about adoption, so you might as well start now.  I also found out about many adoptive families/adult adoptees that I would never have known about had I not let people in on our plan.

Posted by jszmom on Nov 17, 2014 at 1:38am

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