Dana, I don’t know how old you were when you adopted, you didn’t say, but I was 46 when my adoption happened and to tell you the truth I felt about 35.  To me age is meaningless, it is just a number, and I think if we have the love and financial means to bring up a child, what difference does it make?  I like to think we have so much life experience that we are calmer with our kids, we expose them to so much of the world and culture(s) that it is really a benefit.  But that is just me.  I do have to say, on the days I don’t wear make-up and get more “dressed up” I do NOT like being mistaken for his grandmother!!! But that is a small price to pay.
*LOL*

I am not too sure if we are older parents but I think so. We are both in our mid 40’s and our youngest is 4. What do you think?

Good question!  I don’t think I’m an older parent, even though we are both in our mid-40s.  Thankfully at least one of us looks younger than that!  I think I certainly have more patience than I would have at age 30.  It’s all just a number.

My husband and I are in our mid 40’s and have a 9 year old and a 2 year old.  I heard a great saying once “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?”

My husband and I don’t feel like older parents, although we are both in our 40’s and have a 3 year old.  I believe I am better prepared for parenthood now than I would have been 10 years ago.  For us, the biggest drawback to being older parents is that my husband’s parents are already deceased.  I would have loved for our son to have know both sets of grandparents.

On the way into Lowes the other day someone said “excuse me…your grandson’s blanket is falling off” - my daughter is a girl, and I’m not her grandmother!! LOL…I’m 46 with a 1 year old…it really doesn’t matter what age we are - frankly, sometimes I feel 80!!

I have to agree, age is just a number. I am in my mid 40’s, I sure don’t feel like it. We have 4 kids ranging from 1-8. I have only been called grandma once, and I was shocked! I sure don’t feel like a grandma, or even think I am that old. I really think being an older parent helps keep us young.

Well, you’re all in your mid-forties, so you’re just young’uns to me and my husband, who are soon turning 52.  Our five children (3 by birth and 3 by adoption) range in age from 26 down to 15—and we’re currently in the process to adopt a 9 year old.  We’re older parents to the younger ones, and younger parents to the older ones…  I like the quote from pbruce 1996:  “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?”  That said, I am making an effort to stay active, keep working, traveling, eat well…  We feel we owe it to our children and our marriage to stay healthy!

I will be 45 in November. My husband will be 44 in November. We have children ages, 6,8,9,10,10,12 all adopted and we had recieved custody of a young boy when he was 15. He is now 25, married, and has children. We are in the process of adopting and infant domestically. Do you all think that is too old for an infant?

I don’t see any problem at all with your adopting an infant, but you’ll have to change your screen name to ‘momto7pack’ (!)

Well, my husband is 53 and I am 51. I am the stepmother to two daughters in their late 20’s and early 30’s. I am a grandmother to 3 boys who are close to the age of my adopted daughters. They are 5 and 11. I sure didn’t plan my life to be this way, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It is fun to see my grandkids play with their “aunts”. LOL I have been mistaken for a grandma just a few times, but I didn’t like it! We are good parents and they keep us young! Our kids are the focus of our lives and we don’t feel anywhere near our age.

HOORAY for you Vickie, I feel the exact same way!

Well maybe I am young after all!!  My parents-in-law told us we were crazy adopting when were so old - we are 42 turning 43 and have 2 biological children who are approx 18 and 16.5 and two babies 2 and 1.5 who we started to foster 17 months ago and our adoption will be final next June. 

I only feel old on those days when everyone is sick but it was the same when I had two littlies years ago.  We hope to adopt more - a sibling group - maybe older but I do love having a newborn in the house (that’s one good thing with fostering in Bolivia - they are often newborn).

If I go out with the girls and my older daughter sometimes people think one is mine and one is my daughters.  Although not when they see that both I and my husband are caucasian and the girls are Bolivian.

I guess I think of an ‘older mother’ being one who could not naturally have given birth to a child the age of the one she has!  But I was 25, 30, and 36 when I gave birth to my birth children, and our children by adoption were born when I was 32 and 34 (although not adopted until later).  So by my own definition, I am not an ‘older mother’ to my kids.  However, we are in the process of adopting once again through fost/adopt, and the child will be about 7 or 8… and now I’m 51.  So…  that’s getting into the ‘older mother’ category!  (although a good friend of mine had a baby when she was 47—completely unplanned!  So it does happen… Plus I know several people who have ended up parenting their grandchildren…)  I know that many adoption agencies have 50 as a cut-off age for adopting an infant.  But parents older than 50 can still adopt older kids.  The truth is that children can be happy—and ARE happy—in families with loving parents, no matter what their ages.

Hi all, I think it may also depend on your community. Most, not all, of my friends have kids in middle or high school while we are trying to adopt our 1st kid at ages 46 and 42. So when our children are school age I am sure most of the parents we meet at the school will be younger than us, some quite significantly.
Yes there are advantages, we married later in life and have a very stable relationship, we know ourselves better so we’ll be better parents. But also, not starting parenting for so long may be quite a transition from our current child free lifestyle.

I am in my late 40’s and am fostering hoping to adopt a 10mo baby girl. I am also the grandmother of a 20mo and a 4mo, both girls. I love it. I have 3 daughters 28, 26 and 22, now I have my 3 girls again, but I am only reasposible for 1 of them, again I love it. I think I am a better parent now, more experienced, hopefully a ittle wiser and a lot more patient and definately better off finacially. This is such a joy. I absolutely Love my life right now and I am praying, things work out best for the baby and pray she will be a part of my family forever

I just joined this group and am reading this as my first thread, just to make sure I’m in the right place! LOL My husband & I are both 46. We have 3 adopted children ages 4, 7 and 13. Our first adoption was an infant 8 mo. from China in 2002 when we were both 39. Our next adoption was a toddler in 2007 and our latest adoption was a teenager just this year. We are almost always the oldest parents when we go to school functions for our childre. I believe that I would not have been ready to have children in my 20s or early 30s and am glad we waited.

Hi everyone,
  Just joined this group and I think I am the winner in being an older mom I just turned the big 50 and my husband is 64! we only look at age as being a number! we both had kids from previous marriages his son who’s 23 and my daughter who’s 20. After many misscarriages and our son who died at 15 weeks, we adopted a son at 14 months back in Jan of 2005m and who’s now almost 5 from Russia. He keeps us very young and active and we love it! The only down fall to this is not having any grandparents for our son and also not having any older moms near where I live who can relate to this.

Yes you are right about the grandparents not alwasy being around for older parents but in today’s day and age with families being spread all over the place grandparents aren’t always there anyway.  We live in Bolivia - all four of our parents hence our children’s grnadparents are alive and so is my grandmother so they have a great grandmother.  The only contact they have with my parents is by Skye (and our reception is bad) and my husbands parents by phone.  We hope they will meet Christmas 2010 and 2011 respectively and hopefully also my grandmother in 2011.

I am 42 with 3 kids, 13 (step), 5 (bio), and 20 month (adopted). My husband is 40. I definitely feel my age sometimes, and ,yes, I’ve been mistaken for Grandma too, but I wouldn’t trade being an “older” parent for anything. I’m so blessed!

I’m so glad everyone in this group found their way to parenthood when they were ready for it! I do believe, as they say, age is just a number. I’m sure we all have days when we feel 20 years younger than we are—or 20 years older. Several years ago AF published a lovely essay by a woman who became a first-time mom at age 50. She compares her habits, hobbies, and daily routines before and after becoming a mother—and concludes that she wouldn’t trade her current life for anything. Read “Before I Became a Mom…” here: http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1166.

I am 44 and my husband is 51.  Our son is 6-1/2.  I went through a lot and waited a long time for the house that’s “lived in” with sticky handprints on the tv, matchbox cars EVERYWHERE, kid shows on tv, educational games on my PC, and kid-friendly recipes. Yes, my friends have children and grandchildren, and some newer friends with kids my son’s age are much younger.  I thank my son for my energy level!

I am 45 and my husband is 44. We have a 23 month old. I have been referred to as “grandma” twice and my husband as “grandpa” once. Some people! We, of course, think it’s because he is biracial and so, doesn’t look like us. It is NOT, of course, because we look old! Lol. We certainly don’t feel old…though some days getting up after playing on the floor with him - the rest of me feels slightly aged! It’s certainly different when our friends’ kids are going off to college and we’re just getting started…but I wouldn’t change a thing. What a blessing God has honored and entrusted us with!

Okay all you “kids” out there! I was 51 when I first became a mom.  My husband is 10 years younger than me. Now I am 63 and my husband is 53. Our son is 12 and our daughter is 8. Now THAT is old! The kids are wonderful but I wish they could have had grandparents. By the way, grandma is my middle name!

Okay—you win at 63!  However, I’m turning 52 next month… and our kids are now 26, 21, 18, 17, and 15 . . . and we’re hoping to adopt an 8 or 9 year old from foster care…  and I sometimes feel worn out, and other times eager for the infusion younger kids bring to the mix.  Most of our friends whose kids are out of the house are eager for grandchildren now, but I’d rather do the parenting myself still…

Older is just a term!  I am 52 and my husband is 55.  We have 3 grown children,  31, 29, & 25 and have adopted a 4, 3, & 2 year old whom we have had since birth through foster/adopt.  They keep us young!  I was adopted to “older” parents.  It didn’t matter…. I was always “daddy’s little princess!”  I wouldn’t change a thing.  Being a mommy is great!

We have just reached the “waiting to be picked by a birthmom” stage. My husband and I are both 43. He feels old, I don’t. He is now taking better are of himself and is feeling better all of the time. I have been trying to tell him that forever. It isn’t our age making you feel old, it’s your choices. I am very proud of him, I think that this adoption has given him the motivation that he needed. I can’t wait for “the call”!

HOW EXCITING Dana!  And you can tell your husband he is a “spring chicken” at 43!  I adopted at 46 (nearly 47) by myself!  LOL
Having a baby to love in your arms breaks all age barriers ~ You will be soooooo enchanted by this child that nothing else will matter.  (Although, you might wish for a little more sleep~)
Although I am guessing you two will fight over who gets to do the middle of the night feedings!  LOL
Much love to you both.  I will pray for a speedy phone call.

Well, after reading the posts, I think I fit in here (lol)!  I don’t feel like an “older parent,” but I guess I am… I’m a first time mom, and am 46 years old now. We have an 11 month old daughter and she is such a special blessing to us from God, I know you can all relate, especially the parents who waited so long like we did to become parents.    I look forward to getting to know everyone!

Hello everyone!  I am so happy to have found this group!  My husband and I are both 48.  We have two bio children 16 and 18 and our recently adopted little boy is 3 1/2.  We have fostered him since he was a baby (9 days) and he’s now our forever son!  Almost everyone told us we were crazy to start again after our two oldest are almost out of the house.  No one in our lives could understand why we would WANT to deal with babies, toddlers, boy scouts, again and again!  I guess no one could understand the love we have for our “babyJ’.  Yes, it is hard being an “older” parent…but I do believe you have more patience and certainly more knowledge than the first time around!  I know that now I will sit on the floor and play with Jaden rather than vacuum!  And we are both so much more active than I think we would have been if we weren’t chasing Jaden around!  Yes, it’s challenging, but I wouldn’t change a thing!  (exept maybe a baby sister…?) 

my husband is 64 I am 54 years old.we want to adopt again. we have two teenagers that are both in seventh grade. we hope to adopt a new born or a infant. we love children!!

I always considered myself an older mom. I will be 39 this May. I adopted my son at age 35.

You’re a spring chicken!
My husband and I are both 52 now… (Our 5 kids range in age from 26 to 15.) and we’re thinking of adopting ‘just one more.’

Thanks Kathryn…you just made my day…lol. Some days I feel a lot older.

so funny to read these posts.  i guess i really do belong here.  i am 46 soon to be 47 and my first child is 15 months last week. my husband will be 45 in june.  all my friends children are off to college or at the very least in high school. we live in nyc so there are plenty of family types around us but i never seem to meet any of them. 
i love being a mom and not so sure it would be the same for us had we done this at 25 or 35.  so happy i finally peeped into the group.

I just turned 50 and my husband is 51, and we brought our first child home a little over two years ago.  We now have a rambunctious two year old and the physical demands are probably more difficult for us as older parents.  On the other hand, we think we have more patience and understanding than we did when we were younger.  We can’t imagine our lives without him.

I am a new member to the group and I was happy to find a group the addresses this older parent topic. I was begining to think there were not many of us out there. I am 46 and my husband is 49. We are currently foster parents and have a little baby boy with us now. Yes I am already very attatched. You never know when one will be a keeper. We have not had the blessing of adopting yet but am so eager to do so. I never had any children and waited too long before trying. We love children and hope it wont be long before a little one can be ours forever. If anyone has any tips or suggestions to help us along in this process I am all ears. I look forward to hearing and reading all of your stories.

My husband and I are 49 and have 5 children: 3 bio kids ages 12, 11, and 9 and 2 sons adopted from Guatemala ages 5 and 2 1/2. We would love to adopt again. I don’t feel we are old, although when my 5 year old starts kindergarten next year and I will be turning 50 with a bunch of 25 year old parents I may start feeling my age. We both look younger than our years so people are very surprised when they hear how old we are. We are a very active family-3 kids in hockey and 1 in traveling basketball so we are always on the go and don’t have time to feel old. Nice to find this group.

hello everyone,Im so happy to know im not the only one out here to be adopting at an older age..everyone loks at me like what in the world are you doing..I am 48 and have adopted 5 children my oldest is 13 then 13 the sibling group of 3 and 4 now i have a 14 month old baby boy,all of these children I got when they were born..what a blessing from above..I never could have any of my own…somedays are harder than others..im tired but then whose not…? Im single.. now thats funny…..

Okay, I am the new kid on the block…or should I say old?  I am 56 and have 4 children 36, 14 and 5,5. I was 51 when my girls were born.  I picked each up at the hospital at 4#s.  They were 16 days apart.  I have been referred to as Grandma many times…Now that they are in kindergarten, I am careful not to let my roots show!  I also have more time to color my hair!

Wow—this thread is so inspiring! I’d been worrying that my husband and I were getting too old (I’m 42, he’s 38), but after reading all your posts, I realize it really is all about how old you feel (and all those folks who’ll think you’re the grandma be darned). Thanks so much for all your positive attitudes!

This is my first post after joining Adoptive Families Circle four months ago! During this waiting time for a domestic adoption I’ve been questioning whether I’m too old to adopt an infant at 42 with hubby who’s 39. We have a four year old bio son with special needs. I loved the post above about the hubby who is probably feeling old because he is not being active. I have a feeling that’s my problem, too! Time to hop to it, shake off the winter blues, and be ready for the call. We’ve been called once and even went to a meeting at our adoption agency to meet the birthparents but they didn’t show. They had made another plan turns out. It all went down within a week so was quite the rollercoaster! We’re staying hopeful and trusting the universe that when it’s meant to be it will be! Thanks for sharing your situations.

Hello, and I am also new to this group…and need support fast!  My husband and I are 50 & 51.  We have grown children as well (from previous marriages).  We are living in Laos and are adopting an infant.  Although we don’t feel old at all, and are so excited about this next chapter in our lives, one of the “couples” (childless, but our age) has written the nastiest email to us saying some very less than supportive things…and well…ruining a long standing friendship.  What do you do with “friends” like this?  Respond?  We are so happy that we will have our baby girl soon, maybe in less than a week now!  Just wondering if anyone else found that they had friends that were so ugly and against this?  I’m still in shock I guess….

What a terrible slap in the face just as you’re preparing to welcome your new baby.  It’s akin to a pregnant woman being told, ‘you shouldn’t have gotten pregnant in the first place!’ or even, ‘it would have been better to have an abortion.’  Really terrible.  I suppose you need to look at the ‘less than supportive’ things your (former) friends have said and consider what’s behind such statements.  Perhaps envy—because they don’t ahve children of their own?  Or maybe fear and sadness (selfishly) because they worry you will be changing your lifestyle so much you will no longer be able to do things with them as in the past?  Could it be they’re worried you won’t be able to cope?  Are their worries based on anything REAL—like a debilitating illness or dangerous situation at home that would compromise the chances of a child’s having a happy life with you?  (Presumably the adoption agency has already vetted you as competent, caring people.)

How do your grown children feel about this impending adoption?  Will they be welcoming to the new sibling?  And do you have plans put in place to provide for the new baby—in terms of guardians who will raise her if either of you becomes unable to cope due to illness or old age?  If your family is welcoming and your agency has a baby for you and you’ve prepared a place in your lives for this little one, then I think you’ll just have to move on.  I would be tempted to respond to the unpleasant email with a return email saying simply ‘we are very sorry you can’t support us as we rejoice in welcoming our new daughter.’  Period.  And then get on with this new stage in your lives and put this couple behind you—unless they come forth sometime with an apology. 

In our own situation (adopting older children from foster care) we had a few friends and relatives worry about the impact on our birth children… but their fears were soon put to rest once they met our kids.

Good luck to you!

Can you say..open e-mail, insert foot. It sounds as though your friends may have written some things in the heat of the moment that they may regret. They have obviously chosen a life for themselves in which children are not a part. They don’t want the ‘strings’ ...so to speak. A new little one will eat up all of your time and they will have to deal with an infant to be around you. I think that Kathryn has a good point. They are obviously looking at the whole situation from only their prespective. I agree with her in your response as well. If they are true friends, then they will come around eventually and be happy for the both of you.

I want to thank all of you for your input on this!  I also received an amazling positive and compassionate private message.  Thank you - Thank you!

I am glad they are so far away that we (living in SE Asia now) won’t be needing to be around them!  With so many supportive and positive friends, all is well!

Funny that this gal wasnt replying in the heat of the moment, but said she had actually “gotten her head around it!”....each to their own!

We are so happy…and delighted….and excited about our new life with our new daughter!!!  I wrote a couple of emails I wanted to send back…and then took the high road and sent one that basically just said “sorry you don’t want to be a part of our Joy”....and, that is exactly our little one’s new name - Joy.  ))))

again, thank you so MUCH!!!!

Oh debbie that is totally awesome!!!! That your new daughter’s name is JOY!!!! I love it. 
....you see…there are no accidents in life~  *BIG SMILE*

God bless all of you…and please post some photos when Joy comes home.

Blessings,
Meg

As a mom of 49 with a 2 year old it does feel different to be so much older than the other young “playdate” moms.  I get a little self-conscience sometimes but I know that most of that is in my own head.  After years of infertility I never dreamed I would be this age and blessed with a beautiful baby boy.  I can say now I would not change a thing in my path to motherhood even if It meant being an older mom.  I have not been mistaken for grandma yet…but I know it may happen someday and that will be o.k. with me.    I love reading these posts knowing we are certainly not alone!

It is so great to see so many older adoptive parents.  Finally, I feel like I fit in! God bless everyone of you that gave themselves for the “orphan” I know that they give more to us than we to them.

Good grief, I am almost the oldest ‘new’parent! I am almost 63 and my husband is almost 64. We recently adopted our almost nine year old whom we have had since he was almost five, in foster care.  He is our sixth. We have birth children 40,38 &37;, and our 22 & 19 year olds that we adopted seven years ago after having them in our home for three years. We have a wonderfully large family!  Yes, we get the grandparent label all the time. We just gently correct people when necessary. Most of the time we just let it go, as it really isn’t that important to us.  Physically, we are the age to be their grandparents; we just haven’t grown older at the same rate as some of our peers.

Hi Everyone!  Please share in our JOY!!!  On Sunday, April 18th Larry and I were called to pick up our little girl…Joy….just 6 days old!  We are 50 and 51…and feel 30!  This is the perfect time for us to raise a baby together….our older (grown) children are as happy as we are!  Joy is born in Laos where we live, and was named “Tidaphone” at the temple yesterday - which means “daughter of a goddess”....she will have that name on her birth certificate….Joy Tidaphone….our little “Tida!”  Thanks for all the support to ALL of you…when the “friends” got tough on us it was good to have you all here!  Love to all!  Debbie & Larry

Congratulations, Debbie and Larry, on the birth and adoption of Joy.  What a lovely end—and beginning—to your story on this forum!  And HELLO SHIRL!  I’m not sure you’re the oldest parent on the forum, but you are the newest.  We also have three birth children and we have two adopted children, and are trying/hoping/waiting for one more.  Six kids seems a fine number to me, as I’m sure you’ll agree. Welcome!

I am 42 and single. My daughter is 3 months old.. so her adoption isn’t finalize yet, but I am so pleased to see so many young parents in this group. 

I agree that age is just a number… and isn’t it really most important that a child be raised by adult(s) who truly want to be parents.  Look at the people who are parents and don’t want to be….

I know that at 42 I have an appreciation of my daughter that I wouldn’t have had even 5 years ago. Now I cherrish each day. Whether she is having a melt down or quietly sleeping in my arms, I appreciate it and I am careful to not “wish away” her life to the next milestone.  I enjoy today for what it holds…

So age hasn’t its strengths… even if I am exhausted .

Hi all, and I also am glad to here from so many of you out there in older parent land.  I am 50, or half a country as my 8 year old foster son tells everyone and my husband is 49. We have a son 21 with aspergers, who is in trade school and doing great. I homeschool my 14 year old and have a boy and girl, 22 months, twins at the prensent. Life is busy. We need to decide on adopting very soon and at the same time we have a sibbling group of 3, ages 3 10 and 13 that we have a chance of becoming part of our family. I’m pretty sure most eveyone I know thinks we have ot be crazy. Sure, I’m tired sometimes and yes, I sure would love some quiet time, alone but what else would I do. I’ve worked with kids at youth camps and babysitting for years and it just seems natural to keep on doing this only in a new form.

I hear someone crying.