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Understanding the Process of Choosing to Only Adopt

Hello all,
I’m certain I’d like to adopt, and pretty certain I am good with only adopting, but would like to hear about how people made that decision for themselves… I’m in my early 30s, and although I don’t have to make the decision to never birth babies now, at a certain point not making a decision is the decision. So, I would love to hear if/how people came to their conclusions on foregoing the reproductive process, and how you feel about it now.
Thanks in advance for any and all thoughtful replies.


I always knew I wanted to adopt, from the time I was a child. I just never felt any desire to get pregnant. As I got older, I rationalized it by saying why contribute to overpopulation, I would be helping a child in need, etc, but really it was as simple as adoption just felt right. when I was 30 I was still single but wanted kids, so I started the process. I have adopted two kids so far; I’m not sure if I will adopt again, my youngest has only been home a few months so I need more time to adjust to the new dynamics before I decide. once in a blue moon I will wonder, if I had given birth would the child have inherited my eyes (I have really pretty and unique eyes), but I only think about it for a minute then forget all about it. but other than that, nope, don’t regret not giving birth at all! I sometimes get sad because my daughters both have medical problems related to in utero drug exposure, and if they had been born from me I would have protected them from that. likewise, I wish I could have protected them from the trauma of their early years before I adopted them. All adopted children (even children adopted as newborns) have experienced some degree of trauma, and an adoptive parent has an extra layer of responsibility in helping their child heal from that trauma. My children were both adopted from foster care, one was 2 and the other was 4 at the time of their adoptions. For me, the best part of adoption was getting to choose my children: I got to pick the age group that I loved, the gender that I preferred, special needs that I could handle, and temperaments that fit well with my own. my children aren’t perfect, but they are perfect for me! the downside,  each type of adoption (domestic infant, international, and adoption from foster care) has different challenges, but all tend to be long and difficult, and potentially expensive. during the process,  there were times when I was jealous of people around me creating their families so easily just by giving birth! but in the end it was worth it. I am 100% satisfied with my decision to adopt instead of giving birth

Posted by rn4kidz on Oct 19, 2017 at 4:21am

When I was 13, I saw a 20/20 special on Romanian orphans. I also had Family Life Education at school. I decided I was never going to have bio kids - I was going to adopt.

And that’s what I did. smile

Now, as it happens, I got hurt and now have a disability. The medication for said disability is not compatible with pregnancy. So, it’s a good thing I wanted to adopt in the first place.

It’s only been very recently that I’ve given any thought to what it might have been like to have children who might be/look more like DH and me. For the most part, it doesn’t really matter. I love my kids, and they’re certainly more gorgeous than any bio kids we would have had. I’ve learned a lot from them, from their birth families, and from people on the Internet, many of whom have become friends.

We did private, domestic, infant, transracial, open adoption.

Posted by rredhead on Oct 19, 2017 at 5:02am

I was interested in the idea of adoption for years.  Long story short, I was investigating adoption as a single parent when I met my husband.  Because we were older, our options for parenthood were assisted reproduction or adoption.  My husband had no interest in having a biological child, and I just wanted to be a mom, so, for us, it was pretty straightforward, this is the best option for us and how do we proceed.  Everyone takes different paths to get to adoption, and I do not see one path as better or worse than another. 

I agree with above posters, I never regretted not having the experience of pregnancy but, like rn4kidz, I sometimes wished that our process had been easier, like that of our friends and families.  Having said that, I would not trade my kids or experience for anything, so, they were worth it all a hundred times over.

Posted by jszmom on Oct 23, 2017 at 5:06pm

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