National Adoption Directory

Find an Adoption Agency

Find an Adoption Attorney

Full Directory ►

Join Adoption Groups!

Click the arrows to expand each group category below

Family Building Options

Starting Out in Adoption

Waiting to Adopt

U.S. Newborn Adoption

U.S. Foster Adoption

International Adoption

My Family

My Adoption Interests

My Child's Age/Stage

My Location

The Adoption Triad

Adoptive Families Magazine

U.S. Adoptive Families

Ten Things NOT to Say to Your Adopted Child

This is a wonderful blog post written by an adult adoptee. I really believe it should be required reading for all adoptive parents, prospective and currently parenting.


To adoptees:

Should I say anything when family, neighbors and associates go on and on about how much they do look like us. All 3 do look a lot like us.

I usually say, thanks, that is a huge compliment, but they actually get their good looks from their bio families. Not sure if I just just say nothing and let them say something when they are older if they even care or continue on as I do now.

I myself get tired of people trying to make them like me, as I like them as they are, but also know it is probably just human nature to find similarities and don’t want to draw extra attention by saying please don’t talk about this. 

Any advice.

Posted by Private And Foster Mom on Sep 12, 2014 at 5:51am

My daughter looks a lot like me, she actually looks more like me than her biethparents.  I usually just say yes, she does when people tell me. I like your response , if you’re responding to people who know your kids are adopted. If the speaker doesnt know the kids ate adopted i wouldnt mention the bioparents, and leave it to the kids to tell people theyre adopted if they want to one day. I guess i disagree with the bloggers #2, dont hide that youre child is adopted. You dont have to hide it, but why advertise it to the world? My friend has two adopted kids, now in their teens. One doesnt care if people know, but the other really hates it. No two adoptees have the same experience, which makes it a bit difficult to accept blogs like this as hard fact.

Posted by rn4kidz on Sep 12, 2014 at 3:22pm

I agree about not always mentioning they are adopted anytime someone in the store offers a compliment. I feel like if the bloggers family had a more open dialect in regards to adoption that one wouldn’t have been a big deal.

Posted by LadyAwesomeSauce on Sep 13, 2014 at 2:38am

I think it needs to be led by the adoptee. While they are young enough to not notice or maybe care what strangers are saying, just say “thank you” if someone says they look like you. When the time comes that they say something like “That’s funny because I’m adopted”, don’t shame them for it like my amum did. Don’t cry and make it about you and say “How do you think that makes me feel?”.... OK, sorry, my stuff.

The big one on that list for me is to make adoption completely open for discussion in your family, which I’m pretty sure everyone here is into. Some adoptees talk about adoption all the time; others hate for it to be brought up. Take their lead always.

Posted by EriSycamore on Sep 15, 2014 at 12:48am

Reply to this thread

You must be logged in to reply. To login, click here. Not a member? Join AdoptiveFamiliesCircle today. It's free and easy!


Find an Adoption Agency

Find an Adoption Attorney or Agency

Search the full directory ►