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Still considering our options. Where to start?

My husband and I have been trying naturally to get pregnant for 9 years now. I’m 36 and in a wheelchair. He is almost 31 and fairly healthy minus a weight issue and possible Asperger’s Syndrome. Were currently working with an infertility specialist and this probably is pretty much my last year to try and conceive and have a healthy baby (although we would love any baby FYI that we had conceived health issue or not) . I’ve always been open to adoption, but as we have been discussing our options this past 6 months, my husband is still reluctant to adoption. Ironically, he feels like he wouldn’t be able to bond with a child that wasn’t biologically his. How can I help him overcome this fear? My only big fear about adoption is that we wouldn’t be considered cpgood candidates because of my disability. Has anyone experienced such discrimination? My other fear is that we will spend so much time and money trying infertility treatments and they will still not work and my husband will still be opposed to adoption. Any suggestions? If we do decide and agree on adoption, how do we get started?


My wife and I adopted our oldest child from India in 2009 and we did not encounter discrimination.  With that said however, we had an awesome social worker.  In fact, friends of ours had an issue where a physician put something on the medical report about my friend’s blindness affecting his parenting abilities.  The social worker called the physician and told him he wasn’t an expert on blindness and to remove that from the report.  She also told the doc if she wanted an opinion on blind people’s ability to parent she would get it from someone who was an expert on blindness.

As to your husband’s concern about bonding with an adopted child, it was the reverse in my family with my wife being reluctant and me wanting to adopt and being more open to age, etc.  My experience is that bonding with an adopted child is largely the same as bonding with a child by birth.  Once the child is home with you and the initial “wow” wears off you’ll pretty quickly settle into your respective parenting roles and attach with your child.

Posted by wichuck76 on Jun 24, 2014 at 2:25am

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