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Still Single and 40 yet wants a baby


Hi everyone,

As single person 40 years old contemplating private adoption, please share with me what is the common biggest problems, challenges or top 2 frustrations you have in your adoption journey ?

Thank you so much for sharing..

Paul

Replies

not quite the same situation, because I adopted from foster care, but the waiting is just so hard. waiting for clearances to come through, waiting for the homestudy to be done, then the painful wait to be matched. The waiting is hard for everyone, but I think its a little worse when you are older because you know you aren’t getting any younger, and the more months and years that drag on, the older you are getting! then once my kids finally came home it is a little weird because a lot of people with kids my age are so much younger than I am. at the school groups, dance classes, so many younger moms. a lot of my siblings and friends started their families early; my younger sisters’ kids are teenagers, and here I am almost 40 with a toddler. not really a problem, just weird.  Good luck in your journey!

Posted by rn4kidz on Nov 30, 2017 at 1:48am

The wait!  44 years young here…on year 3 International adoption. 😔

Posted by Honduras Hope on Nov 30, 2017 at 3:41am

Well, there is just a lot we experienced during our journey, it was an international adoption but it didn’t take that long; not even close. As much as it is difficult to believe that ours took just about 3 months, it is true. We know a lady now looking for a family for her child. You can pm us on nicoleryan1875 at gmail dot com and we will tell u more

Posted by nicoleryan on Dec 19, 2017 at 9:46am

Are you looking to adopt domestically or internationally? I think you will find that your age will not be a huge deterrent if you chose domestic. Many, many of the prospective adoptive parents in the US, are late 30s-40s. Because many of us came to pursue adoption after pursuing other avenues to start our families.

I don’t know about the being single aspect. But I can tell you that being male could actually work in your favor. I have read (and I must admit it was just one article, I don’t remember the source) that gay male couples have a slightly faster placement rate than heterosexual couples or same-sex female couples. Many birthmothers prefer to keep the title as mother, by ensuring they place their child with loving parents who are not female.

That being said. All expectant mothers are different. They people who are looking for the best fit for their child. They will choose based on their own sets of values and beliefs. You could be picked immediately if the right woman sees your profile. Or…it could be years worth of wait time.

I think it is good for you to think about how old feel like “too old” to you. I was 40 when we adopted our daughter. And sometimes, I feel younger because of her. I feel a renewed joy and sense of purpose. She has opened up my world. Other times, I feel old and rickety and I get tired of getting up and down from the floor a million times a day. I worry about how she will feel having the oldest parents in her class etc..

Think about what matters most to you. And act relatively quickly if you can.

Posted by wannabe on Dec 26, 2017 at 8:15am

1. The wait.
2. Uninformed people who questioned me about everything imaginable related to adoption.

Honestly, you have only ONE question to answer:

Do you want to be a parent?

If your answer is yes, do whatever it takes.

My husband was close to 50 when we were matched with a child. So, now he’s the oldest dad in the first grade, and loving it. Ha! Good luck on your journey. Take notes, because your story will be special and your child will want to know it!

Jody Dyer, author and adoptive mother

Posted by Jody Cantrell Dyer on Jan 07, 2018 at 5:04pm

1. The wait.
2. Uninformed people who questioned me about everything imaginable related to adoption.

Honestly, you have only ONE question to answer:

Do you want to be a parent?

If your answer is yes, do whatever it takes.

My husband was close to 50 when we were matched with a child. So, now he’s the oldest dad in the first grade, and loving it. Ha! Good luck on your journey. Take notes, because your story will be special and your child will want to know it!

Jody Dyer, author and adoptive mother

Posted by Jody Cantrell Dyer on Jan 07, 2018 at 5:04pm

We did private domestic adoption when I was 41 and 46 and my husband is a year older.  We matched with our birth mothers in 13 days and 10 days.  I don’t think age will be a factor and I agree with Jody when she says, “Take notes, because your story will be special and your child will want to know it!”

Posted by Adoption Hopes on Jan 27, 2018 at 3:58am

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