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Some Advice


Hi there, I was adopted, many many years ago. 20 ars ago, I started the search to find my birth family, and I found my birthmother and a sister from very little information provided, and no internet.
So, I need some advice. My birth mother told me that my sister and I have the same birth father, whereas another sister has a different birth father. Long story short, my father has been a missing person for 26 year. My sister has always been of the understanding that we are full sisters, and only last week, I tracked down relatives of our birth father, relatives who she has never met. She is meeting them on Friday and is now referring to him as his her dad. And now she is wanting a sibling DNA test to prove the paternity. I need some advice as to how to handle this, should I somply say that I am only going on the word of our mother, the same as she has? Or should I succumb and get a DNA test so that these people who neither of us know accept me as one of theres as they are my sister?
Thanks
Amy

Replies

Do you have any doubt that needs settled? that’s the only reason I would get the test done. maybe if your father says your not his, I would consider getting the test to prove to him that you are, but really it’s none of your sister’s business.

Posted by rn4kidz on Aug 15, 2016 at 1:22pm

I would get the test.  I would want to know if this man was really my father.  It’s nice to accept your mother’s word for it but I’m a proof kind of person.  Do you want this man to be your father?  Does it matter to you or your sister if you are half or full siblings?  Why is she requesting the test?

Posted by C3 on Aug 15, 2016 at 2:20pm

Hi Amy,
Well I am not an adoptee, but a good friend who is had a professional search for her birth mother. The family that she found fit all the details so well. I thought my friend was a little over the top to demand a genetic test. Long story short it turned out not to be her family! Because she made sure, she lost little time and was able to find her actual family.

I don’t quite follow your story on who is asking but there is little to lose with a test as long as the request is phrased politely. Perhaps it may help others who didn’t know about you, feel more at ease that you really are family. Is there some reason you don’t want to do it? It might help you feel sure yourself that these are your relatives! It also sounds like your sister might be better off being aware and sure of the truth from the beginning - whatever that actually is. Good luck to you!

Posted by Happy Camper on Aug 17, 2016 at 2:40am

Hi Amy,
I also agree to get the test but only if you as the child,feel you want it,done. If either parent has doubts then that should be between them to discuss as adults and then with the child. Also brothers and sisters can get jealous and cause heartache on the family because they feel left out.
I would talk to the sister first and then each parent and yourself can decide if to move forward… And always keep in mind too that no matter what family is family blood is just blood in your heart if you trust 100 per cent without doubt then “OHANA” Means family….. No one gets left behind.
I am a mother of 2 beautiful girls and I couldn’t imagine them not ever being able to talk and work together. Just the same with my husband. So that being said do one step at a time learn each one and go from there. Y’all are going to be nervous, scared, concerned and happy but also excited.. I wish you the very best on meeting your biological family and god bless you sweet angel.

Posted by Mamabear2myAngelAug221994 on May 19, 2017 at 6:01pm

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