Setting Boundaries for Bio-Grandmother: U.S. Foster Adoptive Families Adoption Group Discussion Topic

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Setting Boundaries for Bio-Grandmother

Posted by D&K'sMom to U.S. Foster Adoptive Families on Nov 18, 2011 at 3:33pm | 2 Comments | Post a reply

We have tried to establish a relationship with our children’s bio-grandmother. Over time she has become very pushy and almost demanding. I should also let you know that she has some emotional issues. She does not seem to understand boundaries or feel like she should comply with them. We have found out through the case workers, that she harassed them continually. We email her and have seen her in person at a public place twice. We have tried to be kind and as pleasant as possible, but she continues to be more and more aggressive in her correspondence. Although I would want for my children to have some kind of biological connection. I am concerned. Do any of you have laid boundary lists and what you will and will not comply with? She seems to want and open door relationship with us and that is not going to happen. It seems to nicer you are and the more you correspond with her she sees that as a complete relationship. Any advice is appreciated.

Replies

We have established boundaries with our son’s bio grandma. After trying to have an open relationship, we ended up setting the boundaries that we will get together in person twice a year and in our time frame. I send cards with pictures 4 times a year, again at my discretion. I try to do his birthday pics, Easter, Halloween, and Christmas pictures. Get togethers we do one in the summer and one in December. This seems to have worked for her after much reluctance, I had to just lay the law down down and tell her this is what you get…do you want it? She was calling three times a week and just kept asking the same questions, the calls were more about her than our son….grrr! In my opinion, give her what you can reasonably and make sure she understands this is not about you or her, it’s about the kids. Good Luck!

Posted by Proud Mama on Nov 18, 2011 at 3:53pm

We also have contact with Bio Grandmother. You have to set clear boundaries, and tell her very clearly that if she doesnt that you will not allow her to see them again PERIOD. I have to remind my daughters bio grandmother regularly. I let her come stay at my home twice for 2 days and wont be doing that again. She will see them Easter, Christmas, and I will go get her and take her trick or treating with girls, and I let her see them around Mothers day and her birthday. She calls them at a set time once a week. She also is VERY deaf (doesnt have any hearing aids), and mentally challenged so she can be very difficult. She does not have good hygiene so I wont let girls go to her home. Otherwise the girls enjoy visiting her.

Posted by FrustratedinOK on Apr 26, 2012 at 7:19am