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Hello, my name is Courtney! My husband and I are recently married and live in Kentucky.  He and I have always thought about fostering or adopting a child, but much later in life after we had children of our own.  God sometimes has a way of blessing you when you least expect it…

My husband has a first cousin who is quite young and found out she was pregnant last September.  She knew she would not be able to care for the baby due to personal issues and legal troubles, and wanted to give baby up for adoption as it is what’s best for him.

It was like a light bulb went off in my husband and my heads and we immediately responded that we would love to adopt the child. She showed appreciation and told us she would consider us when she made her choice as she was still thinking of keeping baby.

Fast forward to now (five months later) and she has decided she wants my husband and I to raise him. (Yes, little boy! smile ) Needless to say we are nervous and excited!  We fear she may change her mind (which would be fine), but this causes us to be in a limbo of whether or not to buy things for him. I’m afraid if we do and she decides to keep him, we would have a room ready for him for no reason. :(

I know finding someone who has a similar story may be a long shot, but any information about the process, or your stories would be so much appreciated.  We would love to have someone who has been through this process talk to us about their journey.

Thank you in advance,

Courtney

Replies

I usually advise prospective adoptive parents to go ahead and get things ready, but if I read correctly you don’t plan on pursuing a different adoption if this doesn’t work out? in that case, I don’t think I would buy much. It is very common for women to change their minds, so you could potentially be wasting a lot of money and creating a painful situation for yourself. If you don’t get to adopt him you will have all those tiny baby things and an empty nursery as a very tangible reminder of your loss. get a few essentials for a couple days, but otherwise wait. I don’t know much about private adoption, do you need a home study? Do you or your cousin have attorneys lined up? Just be careful to guard your hearts, he’s not your baby yet and maybe never will be. I don’t have personal experience, but have read so many stories of couples matched with an expectant mom who ends up keeping her baby, some have had it happen 2,3, even 4 times.

Posted by rn4kidz on Feb 24, 2016 at 4:31am

You will need a homestudy and an attorney at minimum.  You can find out the laws in your state regarding adoption by looking online, if expectant mom does not live in the same state, you will have to deal with both states’ laws and ICPC.  Absolutely you need to make sure that bio-dad is in agreement before you proceed any further.

You may want to review some of the discussions in the kinship adoption group, or re-post there.  Although this is by definition a private adoption, you will continue to have a relationship with extended birth family (since they are your husband’s family) and people can have strong opinions about adoptive placement.

Do not buy a lot of stuff, you don’t need much in the beginning, a few bottles, a few outfits, a place for baby to sleep (bassinet or pack play work great in beginning) and a car seat.

Posted by jszmom on Feb 24, 2016 at 1:48pm

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