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Praying for you

Good morning families,

YEARS ago, when I published my book, The Eye of Adoption, I “met” a waiting mother here on AFC. Since then, we’ve stayed in contact and I’ve cheered her on, prayer for her, cried with her, and FINALLY, CELEBRATED with her as she welcomed two daughters into her life. I spotted a FB post by her this morning, and just felt compelled to tell you all that those of us who have “been there” are still here, with you. My love and prayers are with waiting families and birth families every day. Love, Jody


You prayed for a child to be separated from its mother in order that a person you like got what she wants—god forgive you

Posted by NoraT on Jul 02, 2018 at 2:35am

Nora T - How unfair is your post?  It’s not that people are praying for children to be separated from their mothers, it’s that people are praying for those who decide that parenting their child isn’t an option for them that the children are placed with a loving family.  There are various reasons why women who are expecting cannot parent their children, this is a fact.  Instead of having a child who falls into that category be placed in a system where they could potentially bounce around from one temporary home to another, being placed with a family or parent permanently is what is best for that child.

Posted by Mikaogbu on Jul 02, 2018 at 2:05pm

Mikaogbu, with all due respect, I don’t think my post was unfair at all. There are by some estimates 36 families wanting to adopt for every 1 healthy infant that might be available for adoption. There are tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of families who would not be separated and the children “foster adopted” if the families were afforded health care/mental health care/affordable housing/job training or other social support. There are poor families in the “Third World” who consent to international adoption by affluent Westerners when they have literally no conception of what “adoption” means.
None of these peoples children would be “bouncing around from one temporary home to another” if our society had family-preservation programs in place and if adoption wasn’t a very profitable industry.
Yes, there are instances in which natural parents are just messes or sociopaths or abusers or don’t care and their are no kin available, and there are instances in which children with disabilities in their own countries would face a bleak future—and perhaps for those children adoption is the best option. But this is a very, very small percentage of the adoption industry, and so I do not feel at all ashamed of saying that I think it is wrong to pray for adoptive parents to “find” “their” children.

Posted by NoraT on Jul 04, 2018 at 5:34pm

It is bs for you to equate natural parents who place their kids for adoption as messes or socipoaths.

Posted by mamallama on Jul 05, 2018 at 12:29am

There are a lot of family preservation programs. Most (about 75%) of kids who enter foster care go home to birth parents or kin/ There is help available for substance abuse, housing, food, counseling etc. But the people involved have to take advantage of the programs. Many (most) do.

There are birth parents who for whatever reason choose adoption for their child.That is their right.

Some international programs did take advantage of birth parents which is why so many countries closed.

You can certainly “adopt” a child through many programs leaving them with their family and country and you support them by sending money. Lots of folks do that.

There are a lot of losses in adoption. But there always have been children who need a home whether because their birth parents chose it, the birth parents have a mental health or substance abuse, they are neglected or abused, there is a war, poverty, famine whatever.For example many children after WW2 were sent from their countrues because their families were dead and the government could not help them.

People should behave responsibly and ethically and most agencies do. Some don’t.

Posted by Regina on Jul 05, 2018 at 2:35am

Nora T, I hope you are volunteering or working towards some of the solutions you suggest to prevent adoption.The reality is there are millions of children whose birth parents can not or do not choose to parent their children. I think you might be surprised to find that most adoptive parents from their connection with their child’s family of birth also wish there was more help along these lines than there is. Certainly blaming the parents who are opening their hearts to kids who need families or those who pray for them is not going to in any way benefit anyone.

Posted by Happy Camper on Jul 07, 2018 at 3:07am

Happy Camper, I don’t want to start a fight, just present a point of view that’s different from people who want to adopt. If there are 36 people in line who want to adopt every one healthy infant available for adoption, and the prayer is that all of these people find “their baby,”—then what are they praying for in terms of parents and children?
Of course I pray along with everyone else that children who truly need homes find loving ones. We’ll just have to agree to disagree on the numbers.

Posted by NoraT on Jul 07, 2018 at 10:10pm

“You prayed for a child to be separated from its mother in order that a person you like got what she wants—god forgive you”

“I don’t think my post was unfair at all.”

“I don’t want to start a fight.”

All from the same mouth.  Wow. 

Nora, may I respectfully suggest you find other targets for your harassment than adoptive families and the Christians who pray for them. 

PS - you spelled God wrong.  (The G is capitalized.  Always.)

Posted by LanierG71 on Aug 07, 2018 at 3:50pm

“Nora, may I respectfully suggest you find other targets for your harassment than adoptive families and the Christians who pray for them. “

No, I suggest that adopters listen to those of us FFY

Posted by NoraT on Aug 10, 2018 at 6:13am

I believe I know the wonderful couple Jody is referring to. If so,  l know they are huge advocates for adoption awareness. They had to make many hard decisions in their journey and always always placed the needs of expectant parents first. They bonded with children who by law were theirs and then had to make the heart breaking decision to let the children go when a relative stepped in. They didn’t fight the relative, they could have legally won that battle. But they wanted the children to be with their birth family if that’s what the family wanted.

And now they have adopted two older children, I believe from foster care. Not a precious newborn that people are supposedly lining up for. And they are in love with those kids. They, as a couple, have been made stronger by the endless waiting and the heartbreaks. They will pour all of their love into those girls.

If I’m wrong and this is not the couple Jody is referring to. It still serves as a reminder that you do not know what an individual adoptive parent, child, or birth parent has been through. Everyone has their own experiences. Other people are allowed to feel pain. Other people are allowed to feel loved. And giving a loving home to a child is not a bad thing.

Posted by wannabe on Sep 02, 2018 at 7:45am

Wannabe and others, THANK YOU for supporting my message and its intent. Yes, that’s the family. They are wonderfully content, as evidenced by the children’s smiles! Nora T, adoption topics of all kinds often stir strong emotion. My husband was adopted in 1963 and has virtually NO information on his biological family. Every year on my husband’s birthday and on Mother’s Day, I watch my husband’s adoptive mother break down in tears because she worries about the birthmother and how she’s feeling. She is 83. My husband is 55. Even this half-decade later, they respect the birth family and pray for them. Adoptive mothers have strong hearts and, fortunately, aren’t influenced by criticism. I am infertile. Being infertile sucks. We adopted our child and have remained in weekly+ contact with the birth family because we genuinely love them and CARE about them. “A person like me” works to build kinship and understanding through positive communication and prayer. I apologize for just now seeing these messages.

Posted by Jody Cantrell Dyer on Nov 30, 2018 at 10:48am

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