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Kinship Adoption

Perplexed


Hi,
This is my first post - and quite honestly, I will keep it simple as their are many family dynamics that really require some in depth soul searching on my part.

Mainly, I have zero desire for BM (my daughter) to be anywhere near my granddaughter whom I have adopted.  She has had zero interest in her child since the day she was born, I have been “Mom” since day one, cutting the cord, colic and teething etc…and now she’s 2 1/2.

Am I wrong to feel this way?  GD really just knows us as Mom and Dad - her BM still is way into the drug scene, has been into prostitution, and quite honestly our nice little family does not need the drama. 

Thanks,
Rita from Chicago

Replies

Rita, trust me those of us here understand completely.  My niece did have her kids for awhile but then her lifestyle got the better of her.  I was mad at her for not calling them on Christmas but then realized that it’s for the best.  They are my daughters and don’t need her drama because it is always about her.  Although we have a verbal open adoption for both girls she never takes advantage of it.  I used to reach out to her to do visits twice a year but decided that she can step up and call if she wants to see them.  She can’t even make a phone call and when she does call it is because she wants something and rarely asks about the girls.

Just live your life and leave her and her drama go their own way.

Posted by C3 on Jan 02, 2018 at 4:20am

Yea, my neice calls me mommy also. If the bios are not going to be there for thier kids, then they become OUR kids. The child has a right to call someone mom and dad, why rob them of this comfort, this stability, this norm? I wish my bios were out of the picture concerning visitation also. They can play the aunt and uncle part. They have not seen thier child in 7 months and she is almost 3 yrs old.

Posted by freckle face mama on Feb 08, 2018 at 7:53pm

They can call you whatever is OK but they need to know the truth. Someone will tell them eventually so be sure they know their story

Posted by Regina on Feb 08, 2018 at 11:04pm

Prior to the adoption our AD had 0 communication with her bio father ( his fault) and 5 visits with BM (however 9 no shows) in two years. My theory once the adoption was complete is why start now. My brother in law (bion father) writes letters but it was recommended that we put them up and let her read them at a later age (by her therapist). Which we do, only time he writes is when he is in jail, now prison. Bm never reached out to us. We told AD she could call us whatever she wanted, as long as it’s nice 😉. She has decided to call us mom and dad.

Posted by KinshipAdoption on Mar 13, 2018 at 1:59pm

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