We just adopted our second and we are both 45 years youngs.  Our sweet birthmom chose us more specifically for our age.  She is 25 and she said she just couldn’t see herself placing with someone her age.  I say go for it!
Only challenge will be agencies who have age restrictions.  Our agency’s age restriction is one spouse can be 45, but the other spouse as to be between 40 and 45.

I was 44 and my husband was 39 when our daughter was born.  Older adoptive parents is not that unusual and most couples are chosen for their maturity and presumably more settled lifestyle.

Just curious, when did you contract with ABL in Zionsville?  I don’t want to scare you but I have not heard good things about them.  I’m from Central Indiana.

Our international adoption finalized in 2007 when I was 48 (I was 46 when we started the process).  Two generalizations that we heard when we were in process were that (1) it was less likely that you’d be chosen by birth parents placing children for private adoption if you were older—birthparents tend to pick families with whom they can identify; and that (2) domestic agencies who are placing children for foster care prefer experienced parents—being older can be an asset there (our state works to move kids quickly into permanent placements and we considered adopting out of the foster care system). 

I am a strong believer that generalizations are just that—any individual life is made up of specifics, not generalities.  Whatever path you choose, make your specifics work for you!

Hey we were 46 and 48 when we adopted… age was no consideration with our agency and older parents are thought to be more “in tune” and more stable…... and you are NOT OLD…...

International… well many countries are now putting age and weight restrictions on who can adopt and I think that is HOG WASH….. but that is just my opinion….

If the agency you are with is giving you grief then I suggest looking for another agency…...  That is why I liked our agency as they had no bias to age, gender, nationality etc….. they were very open to help anyone who wanted to adopt and parent a child.

Good luck and hang in there…... we are not old… we are experienced. 

A friend in her late 40’s adopted domestically.  She was offered 2 newborn children within a year.  (Working with a lawyer.)

I have also found that there are quite a few international countries that have no age restrictions.  Many times if they do, if you want an older child (ie not an infant) the age restrictions are more lax.

In my experience, it is the homestudy agencies that discriminate (even when the international countries themselves are fine with the adoption).  In fact I am dealing now with one that told me no age limit would be applied (before they had my money).  Then they said the opposite is a hard and fast rule with them once they’d cashed my checks.

What is the agency you used and spoke so highly of, Special K?

I am 50 and have just adopted my last child,I have 4 other children I adopted also. He just turned 3 I have had him since birth.. I went thru my county foster care system,and I really dont think they care too much on age,just as long as you can give love and support to this child.

The reason we chose ABL in Indiana is because I am adopting from the states(internationally) we live in Canada.  We can only use an agency that is hague approved or has hague approved lawyers - which ABL does.  ABL has also placed many babies in Canada in the past couple of years - and they are on the list of agencies that are allowed by our province.  So far everything has been great with them… I am working with a lady named Tina.  We paid our first installment and had our profile books done and we are presently updating our homestudy…
Tina says that they have had many placements since Jan. 1st and quite a few birth mom’s due between end of Feb and end of March…. she said she would add us to “shutterfly” so we could see how many birthmom’s have looked at our books.  That was a conversation I had over a week ago - and she hasn’t done this yet… I’ve e-mailed her atleast 5 times - but she hasn’t responded.  We are only a couple of months into this - but I’m already getting ancy(sp?)!!!!

Why not adopt through foster care. There are many babies born who go immediately into foster care while termination proceedings take place. Fost/adopt programs are a super fast way to fill your empty crib! We were 65 and 48 when we finalized the adoption of a sibling group that included a 3 month old. We were offered newborn twins shortly before we adopted our last sibling group 4 years ago. It is not uncommon for 6 or 7 newborns to be waiting for a fost adopt placement in here in Minnesota.
Posted by beckyg on Jan 30, 2012

I was 47 when I adopted twin boy infants.  They’re fabulous.  We’re all happy.  Extended family and community will assure them connection if I happen to go early but I may be around a long long time.  Who knows.

I’d say be frank with your agency if you are worried and then trust.  Older is wiser in many ways and kids with older parents have many advantages..
Posted by Holly Glaser on Jan 30, 2012-

I also feel the foster to adopt is a great option. Both of our children were adopted through that process. It did take some time but our children were with us and bonding during that waiting time. Good luck in your choice.
Posted by D&K’sMom on Jan 30, 2012

I am sure age is a pretty significant factor for teenage birthmoms; however, there are also many birthmoms who are older who seem less influenced by age. My DH and I were 49 and 48 when our sons were placed with us; however, we did wait for almost a year and a half.

In your early 40’s you may wait longer than those in their early 30’s but a year or more wait is not unusual for almost anyone. You should also be aware that international adoption are often even slower to occur than domestic adoptions (speaking of US citizens adopting from overseas—can’t speak for Canadian adoptions though).

You are probably aware that the more restrictions you put on a domestic adoption, the longer it could take as well. The more open you are to special needs and race, the more quickly you will be placed (most likely).

Domestic adoption is a situation that is pretty much out of the control of the waiting adoptive parents. It is very much a waiting game with very little certainty of when anything will happen. That’s the facts…for anyone, no matter their age.

Hi!  I think your age is okay, but it depends on the expectant parent and each one is different.  God blessed us with adopting our first daughter when we were 44 and 45 (we were a waiting family for 16 months before we matched with our daughter’s birthmother in an open adoption).  We also had a previous match and an almost match with expectant mothers who were younger than us (as was our daughter’s birthmother) and they all were okay with our ages.  I also asked our agency about our ages at the time, and the person working with us said that some waiting adoptive parents were younger, some were in their forties, and some were older…so I think you’re okay.

It might make it a little harder because you already have children, as I think some expectant mothers want a family who doesn’t have any children yet, but again each one is different and adoptive famiies adopt their second child, thiird child and more all the time.  So I wouldn’t worry overmuch about your age.
 
Hugs,
Kris

Here is my story.
My hubby and I had our first 3 children by the time I was 23. Boy did I have energy! we adopted our daughter 2 years ago from Ethiopia, she is 11. I am now 51, he 52…Boy do we have wisdom! So, which is better? neither. Love, support, and a family. that is what is important, we have things to give our daughter we never had for our first 3 bio kids. We have less physical energy for our daughter, but we have plenty. The thing is: for all our children we are mom and dad, we are a family.  Age is not the as important as people think. it is who you are as people, day to day. That is what matters. God blesses us daily.

We were concern about our age as well. DH is 42 and I’m 47. BM chose us because of our age. She’s 26 and has 3 other children under 6. We did put a lot of activities and pictures on our profile showing our active life. Hang in there, the right match will come along for you. Wishing you many blessings.

It definitely depends on the birth parents and their ages/experiences (e.g., I’m a professor and about the age of most of my students’ parents, so yes, _they_ think I’m old!).

That said, I was 41 and my husband was 42 when we were chosen by a birthmother. She happened to be in her late 30s. Previously, we’d been chosen by a birthmom who was 21 (and then later decided to parent), but she’d explained to us that she saw us as “more mature and ready to be parents” than younger parents. So, it really does depend.

There WILL be birthparents who will think you are just perfect! Multiple agency folks told me this and it seemed to be trite at the time but it really is true: YOU will be *right* for someone, and then that child will be the child that is meant for you.

We adopted through an attorney domestically twice in the last three years and we were a bit older than you both when we started.  Our first experience with an agency was very poor, but I know others who adopted through agencies.  Don’t be afraid to shop around if you are not happy with your agency.  We did not qualify for some countries internationally because or our ages, but our attorney had no problem.

We were told in creating our profile to “just be ourselves”, and I cannot tell you how true that is.  Our first child’s birthparents chose us because of my husband’s hobby.  Our second child’s birthmother loved that we had so many pictures of our oldest with all the family, that is what attracted her to us.  She also loved that my husband is such an involved father, because she never had that in her own life.  A colleague of mine adopted as a single mother, and she was chosen by a birthmom and had placement within four months.

Hi LB!

It certainly wasn’t an issue with us. I was 45 and my husband was 47 when we adopted our daughter (from Indiana, by the way). Our biological mom was 20. There are so many positives about being an older parent—typically we’re established in our careers, own our homes, are financially stable, and know that we are 100 percent ready and beyond to parent.

Best wishes to you!

My husband is 46 and I am 44.  We are in the tail end of our second international adoption.  We have bio 3 children, ages 26, 23 & 13.  Our first adoption is our daughter who is 5 and from China, and we are hoping to pick up our now youngest daughter from DR Congo, hopefully by March.  OH! And we are grandparents.   

We decided to go international, because my husband wasn’t in a position to have a major disappointment, by a possible change of mind from a birth mother.  That would be something we understand perfectly, but like I said, he was not in a good place to go there.  We haven’t regreted our decision, and figured the reason we went around the world is because…that is where are daughters are!!

And for the record, They sure keep you young at heart.  <3

We were 48 & 49 when we adopted our first daughter (China.) After our agency had drilled into us that we should expect a toddler -surprise! we got referred a 10 month old - I hadn’t even read the baby chapters of the parenting books. We adopted our second, a toddler this time, at 51 & 52 via the China waiting child program. You’re as old as you feel. Life is good, I have no regrets about adopting late in life. I’m still pretty fast and a heck of a lot smarter than I was 20 years ago.

I am just 53 and my husband is 55.  We got our adopted daughter from foster care 2 years ago (she had just turned 5 and is now 7).  We fost/adopted for 1 year waiting for finalization, which was a year ago last week.  We are in Southern California and age never entered into any of the 3 years of hoops DCFS madeus jump through before we were matched.

One comment I would make is that our child has some emotional and learning issues.  Nothing that would cause her to be “special needs” but definitely a big part of the growing pains as we all learn to adjust (our bio child is 11).  Sometimes it is hard to keep up the energy to appropriately handle the emotional outbursts, tantrums and OCD issues - not to mention the amount of time we spend working with her academically, working with teachers, tutors, etc. 

We had always been told that foster kids (ours grew up on the street with drug addict mom until she was 3 1/2 and then foster care) lag about 18 months behind most “normal situation” bio kids.  We have found this to be incredibly true.  So, while we do have a 7 year old adopted daughter, most times we are really dealing with a child who is emotionally and academically about 5 years old.  It does take a lot of time, patience and energy.  Thank goodness we are 2 parents.  Don’t know how one would do it.  Also thrown in is the disruption to our 11 year old daughter, who is also very much affected by the tantrums, fits, etc from her new sister.  This requires us to make sure we make special time for the 3 of us and individually with our 11 year old to make sure we are monitoring and taking care of her needs as well.  That coupled with full time jobs and volunteer work can make for a very long day sometimes.  We have no regrets, just need a little more sleep (but what parent doesn’t)?

I do feel like we are much better equipped to deal with the challenges we’ve taken on than we would have been even in our 30’s.  I think we have a better perspective and can more easily see the big picture instead of focusing on the daily trials (most days anyway).  We might be less tired if we’d done this in our 40’s, no doubt.  But being older does mean for us that we have more financial resources which helps and are more stable in our careers which allows for flexibility during work hours to deal with the latest and greatest crisis.

Finally, I think the biggest plus for my husband and I is that we had 11 years of marriage before we had our daughter.  We had a great life and got to do all sorts of fun things that couples without children do.  Then we had 9 years with only one child, which was fun and rewarding. Now we have another great life and while we do frequently look back at our old life wistfully, there are no regrets.

My wife and I are 59 and 57 and we are both very excited adopting two sisters from Brazil.

I was 46 and my husband 50 when we brought our 9 month old from Guatemala. We have all been doing great except I am in menopause and having some issues. Anyone else? Anyone exhausted with the menopause and a young child. I also work 30 hours a week at a high stress job.

Hey, they keep us older parents young & active! 

Time was on our side:  no mortgage, settled lifestyle, supportive familes, settled marraige, time to play more & work less, relaxed attitude (almost 20 years of nursing experience), had travelled extensively, etc.  (We were in our 40s & now have two teenagers.)

Our birthparents chose us partly because we are the same age as they are.

One issue that could be of concern is that the kids might not have grandparents still alive—or for very long.  However, our kids have had all four grandparents to dote on them until more recently & still have three in their 80s who love them dearly.

A story we love from R.D.—about a lady at a checkout with her two adopted kids:  one a blonde, blue eyed Russian & one with beautiful black skin.  The checkout operator asks her if those are her kids & if they’re adopted.  She says that they are.  The response:  I thought so—you look too old to have kids that little!