That’s wonderful news!!! Very happy for you & your husband!!! Congratulations!!!
excellent news! congratulations!
Wonderful news! When is she due? 4.5 hours is not too bad. Glad you do not have to fly.
Fantastic news! I’m so happy for you both!
Woo hoo!! That is awesome!!! So happy for y’all!!!
Yay! How exciting! Happy for you guys. Also, it’s good to see a husband on the forums. Hope all goes well and you’re holding your little one soon!
So happy for you!!! We too have been matched with a birthmom for the end of September. We should keep in touch and compare notes along the way. : )
It sounds so excellent how healthy she and her pregnancy is. You must have been so excited to get the news. Ask the mom when she thinks the birth may be…she may have a good idea!
Congrats to you! Just a technical point on the language, until parental rights are relinquished, a woman is an expectant mom (or emom, or EM). The term birthmother (or bmom, but never BM!!!) doesn’t apply until after termination of parental rights. It may seem like a silly thing, but it matters.
I wish you all the best on your match!
WOW! How exciting. Now, try to get some sleep, you’ll need it
Well said Mary! It’s very true. Any of us that have been through this process know what kind of joy it brings, but because of that know that there is a lot to the terminology too. Yes it can protect your feelings a bit if it were not to work out but also to be respectful to the woman that is pregnant and considering you as possible parents for her unborn baby. Its called entitlement, that’s what it all comes across when it’s said and written a certain way. No one is entitled to another woman’s baby. Its also coercive to call her a birth mom before she places her baby for adoption. No one is trying to be a downer but if you know the correct terminology, why not use it!? Hope your journey is a smooth one and the mom and her baby come through delivery safely and healthy.
No one said you didn’t do your research. It’s unfortunate that you do not want accept advice from others that have once been in your position. I am not a waiting parent I have adopted domestically 3 times, and I believe I, as well as others like me have something to offer you research can’t provide. Instead of getting offended and defensive try and see what we are saying. Speaking one way in front of an expectant mom and another when she’s not there is disrespectful, it has nothing to do with grammar police and everything to do with how you feel of the woman who is possibly going to give you a child. Just because a group isn’t meant for expectant mothers doesn’t mean the people here don’t feel strongly about the women who made them parents. The correct terminology is always needed.
wow! Think you need to go.
Wow. I don’t think Sammysmom or thalas’ shala was disrespectful or rude in any way. They post a lot here and have a lot of insight to offer.
Most of the books I read prior to adopting and my agency used the term birthmother too. That doesn’t make it right. I’ve seen posters correct others in a much ruder way than what was said to you. I’ve been called a baby Stealer.
This is a public forum. In fact if you google a topic or person posts will come up. That means anyone can read what you have written including an expectant mother considering adoption. So it is important to watch what you write at all times.
I also thought I used a very ethical and reputable agency. American Adoptions. It has been pointed out to me that they may be coercive towards expectant mothers. Different people come with different experience and viewpoints. Three years after adopting I see things a lot differently than when I began and I researched for years prior to adopting too.
I’m sorry you are so angry. I know when we were matched not a second passed that I wasn’t aware that she could change her mind at any second. Every time the phone rang I knew it was the agency calling to say never mind. It was the most stressful time in my life. Always was I aware that adoption was different than pregnancy and that I could not celebrate in the traditional since an expectant mother could celebrate. This is the path I chose to be a mother. That was just the beginning of the differences.
I have been reading this thread and quite frankly, must agree with medicmatt. I was just looking at some paperwork from my agency and see the abbreviation BM all over. And also my agency has a birth other social worker not an expectant mother social worker. My agency was Catholic Charities so not some new organization.
Maybe instead of critiquing him, we should read his post and take it for what it was. A man excited to finally have a chance to become a dad. Let’s not take that away from him because you don’t care for how he worded his sentences.
Newsflash people…just because agencies have been around for years doesn’t mean they aren’t coercive. Do some more research and ask moms who relinquished a child what they think of yours and your agency’s terminology. The agencies use it doesn’t mean it’s right or that you have to follow suit. I was happy for him and I was not rude but I also took his post for what it was too…awful terminology and disrespect.
Honestly medicmatt no, it wouldn’t make me happy, it makes me sad to see new hopeful adoptive parents be so close minded.
Mary M, I was thinking of that program too - great minds think alike.
If I were an expectant mother and been matched with a couple, if they said to me something like “we know you have a very difficult decision to make and we will always care about you whether you place your child with us or not, you have to do what is right for your child and you”, I think I would appreciate them doing that and feel that they cared about both me and the child.
This concerns me that you say this after all MaryM and Samsmommy have said:
“She has chosen us, so to us, this will be our child.”
This is the point of what they are trying to say that, no, it is not definite that it “will be your child” but that it is better for you to think “may be your child”.
Remember, “it ain’t over until the fat lady sings”. (sorry, that is the actual quote, I’m not trying to offend the more voluptuous amongst us).
Btw Medicmatt, I did read another post of yours and I do know that you want to do what is best because you have said that you wanted to chose an agency that treated emoms well, so I know it is hard to hear what has been said on here but no-one is trying to hurt your feelings but just try to help you learn from their experiences. We see too many broken hearts on this side because they have been too invested - they then need to learn to find a happy medium where they are cautiously optimistic but realistic. It will always be hard.
Btw I note that your agency is one where it isn’t all about adoption (it was easy to figure out who they were), so that it is a positive in their favour and I suspect you chose them because of that, and if so, good on you for at least considering that.
Actually, medicmatt, from your picture, you and your wife look like lovely people and I have no doubt that you have the makings of lovely parents to a child.
Anyway, good luck for the future.
Op…. i am on your side 100%. It is really semantics when in the context of your happy and enthusiastic post. Please just focus on every moment of your beautiful journey.
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