<div id="content"> <div id="left-col"> <div class="box"> <div id="cat-menu"> <h4>Join Adoption Groups!</h4> <div class="box"><span style="font-size:9pt">Click the arrows to expand each group category below</span></div> <h3 class="closed">Family Building Options</h3><ul class="group_list closed" style="display: none;"> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Assisted_Reproductive_Technology1">Assisted Reproductive Technology</a><br /><span class="post-meta">15 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Embryo_Donation1">Embryo Donation</a><br /><span class="post-meta">44 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Infertility_Support">Infertility Support</a><br /><span class="post-meta">45 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/New_to_Adoption">New to Adoption</a><br /><span class="post-meta">516 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Our_Journey_to_Family1">Our Journey to Family</a><br /><span class="post-meta">4 Members</span></li> </ul> <h3 class="closed">Starting Out in Adoption</h3><ul class="group_list closed" style="display: none;"> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Adoption_Agencies_Reviews">Adoption Agencies (Reviews)</a><br /><span class="post-meta">467 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Adoption_Networking_Ideas">Adoption Networking Ideas</a><br /><span class="post-meta">83 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Adoption_Professionals1">Adoption Professionals</a><br /><span class="post-meta">26 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Affording_Adoption">Affording Adoption</a><br /><span class="post-meta">103 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Hospital_Reviews">Hospital (Reviews)</a><br /><span class="post-meta">8 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/New_to_Adoption">New to Adoption</a><br /><span class="post-meta">516 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Our_Journey_to_Family1">Our Journey to Family</a><br /><span class="post-meta">4 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Reluctant_Family1">Reluctant Family</a><br /><span class="post-meta">18 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/You_Knew_You_Could_Adopt_When">You Knew You Could Adopt When...</a><br /><span class="post-meta">77 Members</span></li> </ul> <h3 class="closed">Waiting to Adopt</h3><ul class="group_list closed" style="display: none;"> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/China_Waiting_Parents">China Waiting Parents</a><br /><span class="post-meta">55 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Dealing_With_a_Loss_in_Adoption1">Dealing With a Loss in Adoption</a><br /><span class="post-meta">82 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Ethiopia_Waiting_Parents">Ethiopia Waiting Parents</a><br /><span class="post-meta">63 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Guatemala_Waiting_Parents">Guatemala Waiting Parents</a><br /><span class="post-meta">5 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Hospital_Reviews">Hospital (Reviews)</a><br /><span class="post-meta">8 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Hungary_Waiting_Parents1">Hungary Waiting Parents</a><br /><span class="post-meta">10 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Korea_Waiting_Parents">Korea Waiting Parents</a><br /><span class="post-meta">42 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Looking_for_an_Adoption_Match1">Looking for an Adoption Match</a><br /><span class="post-meta">131 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Matched_But_Waiting1">Matched But Waiting</a><br /><span class="post-meta">61 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Russia_Waiting_Parents">Russia Waiting Parents</a><br /><span class="post-meta">20 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/U.S._Foster_Adoption_Waiting1">U.S. Foster Adoption Waiting</a><br /><span class="post-meta">333 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/U.S._Newborn_Waiting_Parents1">U.S. Newborn Waiting Parents</a><br /><span class="post-meta">782 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Waiting_to_Adopt1">Waiting to Adopt</a><br /><span class="post-meta">670 Members</span></li> </ul> <h3 class="open">U.S. Newborn Adoption</h3><ul class="group_list"> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Closed_Adoption_Families">"Closed" Adoption Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">22 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Adopting_Premature_Babies1">Adopting Premature Babies</a><br /><span class="post-meta">56 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Adoption_Networking_Ideas">Adoption Networking Ideas</a><br /><span class="post-meta">83 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Hospital_Reviews">Hospital (Reviews)</a><br /><span class="post-meta">8 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Open_Adoption_Families1">Open Adoption Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">504 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Private_Adoption1">Private Adoption</a><br /><span class="post-meta">92 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/U.S._Adoptive_Families1">U.S. Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">790 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/U.S._Newborn_Waiting_Parents1">U.S. Newborn Waiting Parents</a><br /><span class="post-meta">782 Members</span></li> </ul> <h3 class="closed">U.S. Foster Adoption</h3><ul class="group_list closed" style="display: none;"> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/U.S._Foster_Adoption_Waiting1">U.S. Foster Adoption Waiting</a><br /><span class="post-meta">333 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/U.S._Foster_Adoptive_Families1">U.S. Foster Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">528 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/U.S._Foster_Families1">U.S. Foster Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">76 Members</span></li> </ul> <h3 class="closed">International Adoption</h3><ul class="group_list closed" style="display: none;"> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Bulgaria_Adoptive_Families1">Bulgaria Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">6 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/China_Adoptive_Families1">China Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">196 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Colombia_Adoptive_Families">Colombia Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">5 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Costa_Rica_Adoptive_Families1">Costa Rica Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">13 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Ethiopia_Adoptive_Families">Ethiopia Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">164 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Ghana_Adoptive_Families1">Ghana Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">14 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Guatemala_Adoptive_Families1">Guatemala Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">177 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Haiti_Adoptive_Families1">Haiti Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">47 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/India_Adoptive_Families">India Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">47 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/International_Adoption_Support">International Adoption Support</a><br /><span class="post-meta">136 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Japan_Adoptive_Families1">Japan Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">22 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Kazakhstan_Adoptive_Families">Kazakhstan Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">30 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Korea_Adoptive_Families1">Korea Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">153 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Mexico_Adoptive_Families1">Mexico Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">9 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Philippines_Adoptive_Families1">Philippines Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">19 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Poland_Adoptive_Families">Poland Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">12 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Puerto_Rico_Adoptive_Families1">Puerto Rico Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">12 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Russia_Adoptive_Families">Russia Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">173 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Rwanda_Adoptive_Families1">Rwanda Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">2 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Slovakia_Adoptive_Families1">Slovakia Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">2 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Taiwan_Adoptive_Families">Taiwan Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">31 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Ukraine_Adoptive_Families1">Ukraine Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">8 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Vietnam_Adoptive_Families1">Vietnam Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">29 Members</span></li> </ul> <h3 class="closed">My Family</h3><ul class="group_list closed" style="display: none;"> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Closed_Adoption_Families">"Closed" Adoption Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">22 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Adoptive_Dads1">Adoptive Dads</a><br /><span class="post-meta">37 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Adoptive_Families_With_One_Child1">Adoptive Families With One Child</a><br /><span class="post-meta">50 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Blended_Families1">Blended Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">92 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Christian_Adoptive_Families1">Christian Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">346 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Jewish_Adoptive_Families1">Jewish Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">39 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Kinship_Adoption1">Kinship Adoption</a><br /><span class="post-meta">63 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Large_Adoptive_Families1">Large Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">84 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/LGBT_Parents1">LGBT Parents</a><br /><span class="post-meta">118 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Military_Adoptive_Families1">Military Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">60 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Older_Child_Adoption1">Older Child Adoption</a><br /><span class="post-meta">267 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Older_Parents1">Older Parents</a><br /><span class="post-meta">544 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Open_Adoption_Families1">Open Adoption Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">504 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Parents_With_Disabilities1">Parents With Disabilities</a><br /><span class="post-meta">10 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Private_Adoption1">Private Adoption</a><br /><span class="post-meta">92 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Seeking_a_Partner_Who_Wants_to_Adopt1">Seeking a Partner Who Wants to Adopt</a><br /><span class="post-meta">12 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Single_Parents1">Single Parents</a><br /><span class="post-meta">274 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Transracial_Families1">Transracial Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">1093 Members</span></li> </ul> <h3 class="closed">My Adoption Interests</h3><ul class="group_list closed" style="display: none;"> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Adoption_as_a_First_Choice1">Adoption as a First Choice</a><br /><span class="post-meta">198 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Adoption_Bloggers_and_Writers">Adoption Bloggers and Writers</a><br /><span class="post-meta">138 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Adoption_Book_Club">Adoption Book Club</a><br /><span class="post-meta">4 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Adoption_News_and_Media_Group">Adoption News and Media Group</a><br /><span class="post-meta">63 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Adoption_Professionals1">Adoption Professionals</a><br /><span class="post-meta">26 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Adoption_Scrapbooks_and_Lifebooks">Adoption Scrapbooks and Lifebooks</a><br /><span class="post-meta">9 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Adoptive_Breastfeeding1">Adoptive Breastfeeding</a><br /><span class="post-meta">109 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Dealing_With_a_Loss_in_Adoption1">Dealing With a Loss in Adoption</a><br /><span class="post-meta">82 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Ethics_in_Adoption">Ethics in Adoption</a><br /><span class="post-meta">20 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Older_Child_Adoption1">Older Child Adoption</a><br /><span class="post-meta">267 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Parenting_Adopted_Children_With_Challenging_Behavior">Parenting Adopted Children With Challenging Behavior</a><br /><span class="post-meta">95 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Prenatal_Substance_Exposure1">Prenatal Substance Exposure</a><br /><span class="post-meta">84 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Special-Needs_Adoption1">Special-Needs Adoption</a><br /><span class="post-meta">97 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Talking_About_Adoption1">Talking About Adoption</a><br /><span class="post-meta">39 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Transracial_Families1">Transracial Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">1093 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Welcome_Home">Welcome Home</a><br /><span class="post-meta">4 Members</span></li> </ul> <h3 class="closed">My Child's Age/Stage</h3><ul class="group_list closed" style="display: none;"> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Parents_of_Infants_and_Babies1">Parents of Infants and Babies</a><br /><span class="post-meta">61 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Parents_of_Teens_and_Young_Adults1">Parents of Teens and Young Adults</a><br /><span class="post-meta">81 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Parents_of_Toddlers1">Parents of Toddlers</a><br /><span class="post-meta">123 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Parents_of_Tweens1">Parents of Tweens</a><br /><span class="post-meta">67 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Parents_of_Young_Children1">Parents of Young Children</a><br /><span class="post-meta">61 Members</span></li> </ul> <h3 class="closed">My Location</h3><ul class="group_list closed" style="display: none;"> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Alabama_Adoptive_Families1">Alabama Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">21 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Americans_Living_Abroad_With_Adopted_Children1">Americans Living Abroad With Adopted Children</a><br /><span class="post-meta">20 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Arizona_Adoptive_Families1">Arizona Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">31 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/California_Adoptive_Families1">California Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">178 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Canada_Adoptive_Families1">Canada Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">51 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Colorado_Adoptive_Families1">Colorado Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">46 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Connecticut_Adoptive_Families1">Connecticut Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">28 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Florida_Adoptive_Families1">Florida Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">116 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Georgia_Adoptive_Families1">Georgia Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">76 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Hawaii_and_Pacific_Island_Adoptive_Families1">Hawaii and Pacific Island Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">6 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Idaho_Adoptive_Families1">Idaho Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">11 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Illinois_Adoptive_Families1">Illinois Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">77 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Indiana_Adoptive_Families1">Indiana Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">50 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Iowa_Adoptive_Families1">Iowa Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">30 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Kansas_Adoptive_Families1">Kansas Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">24 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Kentucky_Adoptive_Families1">Kentucky Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">31 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Louisiana_Adoptive_Families1">Louisiana Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">15 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Maine_Adoptive_Families1">Maine Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">15 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Maryland_Adoptive_Families1">Maryland Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">58 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Massachusetts_Adoptive_Families1">Massachusetts Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">70 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Minnesota_Adoptive_Families1">Minnesota Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">71 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Mississippi_Adoptive_Families">Mississippi Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">17 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Missouri_Adoptive_Families1">Missouri Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">61 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Nebraska_Adoptive_Families1">Nebraska Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">17 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Nevada_Adoptive_Families1">Nevada Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">6 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/New_Hampshire_Adoptive_Families1">New Hampshire Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">18 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/New_Jersey_Adoptive_Families1">New Jersey Adoptive Families</a><br /><span class="post-meta">88 Members</span></li> <li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/New_Mexico_Adoptive_Families1">New Mexico Adoptive 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height="40" alt="Natalia5817" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Well, naming your baby is important, but as you said the name shouldn’t be more important than the baby itself. However, I’d rethink if you want to have a relationship with that BM for the rest of your life. If you cannot get into an agreement now about the name of the baby, it might mean more problems in the future about other issues. </p> <p>I hope you can resolve this situation. Good luck! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/9325/">Natalia5817</a> on Aug 21, 2012 at 10:35pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23118"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/3531/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_3531-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="wanttobemomtomore" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>We gave our son the first name we chose and he has two middle names, one we chose and one the BPs chose. Be creative. How about you use her choice as a middle name and your second choice as baby’s first name. The only issue that i feel you should think about is the maturity and possible pushiness of the expectant woman. In one year from now that is the only part of this that may still be crucial. Trust me here. We tried to always keep in mind how horrendously painful it must be to give up your baby and we cut our BPs A LOT of slack. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/3531/">wanttobemomtomore</a> on Aug 21, 2012 at 10:38pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23120"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/101/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_101-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="rredhead" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>I’ve always wanted to name my daughter Cassandra. Apparently, the SW told my daughter’s birthmother (then an expectant mother, of course) that it was customary for the adoptive parents and birthmom to name the baby together. She came up with an out-of-this-world (literally) name. Ultimately, we were able to agree that she would give the baby that name and call her by that name. We would give the baby the name Cassandra and keep one of the middle names her birthmother chose. </p> <p>If that works for you, you might try it.</p> <p>However, if it doesn’t, then maybe this isn’t the match for you. If you’ve always wanted to name your daughter “Carol” and can’t imagine not using that name, that’s OK. </p> <p>A NAME IS IMPORTANT. Don’t be made to feel petty by people who don’t realize that, or who disagree with your choices. For me, my daughter’s name was Cassandra. I’d consider my second choice name (Tabitha, if you’re wondering) but I wasn’t going to go with someone else’s name. That would have been too much of a loss for me. </p> <p>I hope that you and the emom can work this out. However, I tend to agree with Natalia, that this one instance might lead to other disagreements in the future, and you might not be able to have the best relationship.</p> <p>Oh, btw, I do not recommend that you do what our facilitator told us to do: Say you’ll use the name, then change it later. I told the woman I’d rather lose the match than build a relationship based on a lie. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/101/">rredhead</a> on Aug 21, 2012 at 10:52pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23121"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/8305/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_8305-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="yesimln" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>We had a potential match that ultimately didn’t work out but that baby had already been born and that mother had already named the child and she didn’t want the name changed. Did we like the name? NO. Was it awful? NO. Did we already have a different name picked out? YES. Would we have kept it? YES. I was surprised this all mattered to her so much but changing the baby’s name was actually a dealbreaker for the Mom. I know the parents she ultimately chose did keep the name. </p> <p>Does she know how much you dislike the name she chose? Maybe a compromise like other posters have mentioned is available. </p> <p>Also, maybe this isn’t your only chance to name a child… perhaps your second child is meant to have your original name? Just something to think about. </p> <p>I hope you are meeting your forever child soon.</p> <p>E </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/8305/">yesimln</a> on Aug 21, 2012 at 10:55pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23122"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/7559/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_7559-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Candi B" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>What about the name she picked - do you like it? Would she be okay with using the name you picked as a middle name? Would you both be able to compromise on a different name? </p> <p>While our son’s first mom never addressed with us her real desire to name him, how important it was to her, we knew the name she would have picked. We didn’t really like it. Years later she sent our son a Build-A-Bear and named the bear what she would have named our son. My heart sank when I read that bear’s name. In hind sight, if we knew how important it was to her, we would have discussed it more. We could have given our son two middle names or used the name she picked. </p> <p>In the long run, what’s really important? Be thankful she’s bringing it up now than having regrets later. </p> <p>And, how cool would it be to let your child know how much their first mom loved them and picked their name; or let your child know how you worked together to pick their name. </p> <p>My 2 cents. : ) </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/7559/">Candi B</a> on Aug 21, 2012 at 11:00pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23125"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/6621/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_6621-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Tressi" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>If you are not going to have future contact with the birth mother then check on the legal ramifications of naming the child at birth and amending it at finalization. Our daughter was named by her birth mother at birth even knowing she was placing her with us. We never called her by that name but it was her legal name until finalization when the judge stated that “this child will, from here forward, be referred to as____.” I wouldn’t be overtly deceptive but you would be giving the baby the legal name chosen by the birth mother. When the baby is legally yours after finalization you should be able to change her name. You can incorporate her original name or not and you can always refer to the baby by her original name in letters to her birth mother since that is how the EM will know her. Again, I don’t mean to sound horrible like I’d want to be deceptive to hurt the EM but, in the long run, she will have a relationship in her heart with the baby who has the name she gave her and you will have a daughter with the name you chose. If its going to be closed it will not hurt the EM. But again, check out the legalities of it. You could also have a child with one legal name and use your chosen name as the name you call her. I have a friend named Annis and she hated her name so she has always been known as Sue. “Sue” is no where in her legal name.</p> <p>My nephew was named by his birth mother. My brother-in-law did a foster to adopt and the birth mother visited my nephew on and off. The BM requested that they keep his name but my sister-in-law wanted it changed. She didn’t make a big deal about it but at finalization the child’s name became the first name she chose, then the child’s original first name as a middle name. At that point the BM’s rights had been terminated they could have done whatever they wanted but they tried to find a compromise even though it was never approved (or disapproved of) by his BM.</p> <p>I’m just saying if the rest about this match seems like a good fit then you do have options. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/6621/">Tressi</a> on Aug 21, 2012 at 11:12pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23126"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/10753/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_10753-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="MotheringBoys" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Ultimately, there is probably another name you can fall in love with. To me, it’s not that big of deal. Of course, we used our girl name for our dog so years later when we adopted, we had to start from scratch. I guess my point is, don’t get hung up on this detail. Look at the big picture. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/10753/">MotheringBoys</a> on Aug 21, 2012 at 11:12pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23128"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/8911/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_8911-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Private And Foster Mom" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>The names I dreamed of never got used. I not only had to find one my husband liked, but also one the expectant mothers liked. I would recommend asking her if you can pick the first name and if she can pick the middle name OR if you could suggest 3 first names (and she can pick one) and she can suggest 3 middle names (and you canpick one), etc. The name does matter, but what if your husband hated the name, you would probably go with your second or third choice. I did not even get to use my first choice name on any of my children and my husband did not like them. I am so sorry the name thing is not working out. I would approach her and say, “It is really important to me that you, my husband, and myself, all love the name. Can we have a brain storming session and come up with a name together? That way she is not on the defensive. Also, she could always name her baby whatever she wants and then you re-name her at adoption, if she prefers it that way as well. I would hate for you to loose a match over the name. Best of luck. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/8911/">Private And Foster Mom</a> on Aug 21, 2012 at 11:21pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23131"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/6621/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_6621-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Tressi" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>BTW…what I’m saying is you can possibly make changes now as long as you don’t PROMISE something specific to the BM. The baby’s original name doesn’t necessarily have to remain her name as long as you never PROMISE that it will remain that way forever. I know it sounds terrible and I don’t mean it to be…but it sounds bad anyway. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/6621/">Tressi</a> on Aug 21, 2012 at 11:29pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23134"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/6621/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_6621-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Tressi" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Its all such a fine line and if she is so ademant that you feel you’d be deceptive then I wouldn’t do it either. You need to live with it all and you don’t want to think about the situation every time you say your daughter’s name. </p> <p>Names are important and so are babies. Its a totally personal choice. You WOULD be giving up a lot to not chose the name you want no matter what the BM is “giving up”. You are not trying to make light of her sacrifice but you would experience a loss not to chose your favorite name…the one you and your wife dreamed of using.</p> <p>I do like the idea of you all picking some first names and letting BM chose and then the opposite for the first name. Or can you see if you can all compromise on a first name and then you each chose a middle name spelled however you each want. My husband has two middle names and he never uses one of them. You’d never know he had that name unless you are looking at a legal document. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/6621/">Tressi</a> on Aug 21, 2012 at 11:43pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23136"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/10322/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="karriswen" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Oh my gosh! I cant imagine that this should even be a serious issue. This woman is giving you her child..allowing you to raise her baby…the ultimate sacrafice. Out of respect for all that she is giving up, I would easily give up my dreams of the perfect baby name. And to give this child a name that brings up bad memories for her seems a little heartless. Just because the first name on the birth certificate says “Jane” , baby certainly does not need to be called that in every day conversation.<br /> If this is the only conflict with birthmom then you are pretty lucky! Having had a birth mom place her two day old son in our arms and tell us “thank you for loving him”, I can tell you that it is the most incredible feeling! And I would do almost anything for this young woman who is now a large part of our lives!<br /> Many blessings in this match and I pray a compromise can be reached….I’m positive it can with a little love and thoughtfullness from both sides! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/10322/">karriswen</a> on Aug 21, 2012 at 11:50pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23138"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/713/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="RRB" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Is there anyway for everybody to scrap their favorite names and work together to find a name everybody can like or live with? Names really are important and can tell a lot about family or person. If we had a girl my husband wanted to name her Mary Catherine. We are Catholic so I told him her only choice of career in life would becoming a nun <img src="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/images/smileys/smile.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" /> </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/713/">RRB</a> on Aug 21, 2012 at 11:52pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23145"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/10402/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_10402-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="tabbz82" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Man I am sorry this is such an issue. :(<br /> Our BM had our sons name picked out when we met her. We did not like the name at all. Plus we already knew what we were going to name our son bc God gave me the name in a dream about a year before we were matched. But we did compromise and keep his first name and used it as his middle name. <br /> Our BM still calls him by the name she gave him. We don’t use that name at all but it means a lot to her. </p> <p>What if all of you scratch the names y’all had in mind and each come up with 3 new names and you pick your favorite of her three and she pick her favorite of your three and BAM! You’ve got a name. <img src="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/images/smileys/smile.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" /></p> <p>Or you can use the name you love as her middle name and she can go by her middle name. That way you aren’t deceiving her at all. <img src="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/images/smileys/smile.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" /> </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/10402/">tabbz82</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 1:18am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23147"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/9543/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="carrse8" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>We have adopted 3 girls and each time we have used the birthmother’s name as the middle name. Our first daughter was adopted from Guatemala and her birthmother named her Victoria Alexander. Although we weren’t crazy about Victoria, we kept it as her middle name. A few years later, we got an email from her foster mom in Guatemala, and she said that the birthmother named her Victoria because she had preterm labor and considered it a “victory” when she was born. </p> <p>The birthmother of our second daughter named her Priscilla on the birth certificate. I remember looking at my husband with an awful expression when we heard her choice, but we kept it as a middle name. We have not heard from her birthmother since her birth-which we are deeply saddened about-but at least we can talk to our daughter about how much her birthmother loved her and gave her the name Priscilla.</p> <p>With our third daughter, the birthparents actually didn’t want to choose a middle name but after we persisted, came up with the middle name Nevaeh. We had to change our first name choice, but we felt like it was important enough to do. We don’t have any contact with these birthparents either.</p> <p>So as much as our daughters middle names weren’t our first choice, now that we don’t have contact with any of the birthparents (which is sadly their choice, because we love to share about these beautiful girls they brought into the world) it is really important for us to have something to share about their birthparents and how much they loved them.</p> <p>I really hope you can come to a comprise and all share in the blessing of naming this baby together. We will be praying for you guys and the birthmother that everything works out. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/9543/">carrse8</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 1:34am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23151"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/12915/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="katiesue" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>“BTW�what I�m saying is you can possibly make changes now as long as you don�t PROMISE something specific to the BM. The baby�s original name doesn�t necessarily have to remain her name as long as you never PROMISE that it will remain that way forever. I know it sounds terrible and I don�t mean it to be�but it sounds bad anyway.”</p> <p>It does sound bad, Tress - it also gives the impression that you can’t be trusted to keep your word and that you are prepared to be underhand to get your own way. I wouldn’t do that to anybody because I wouldn’t want anyone to do it to me.</p> <p>I doubt also you would do that in any other aspect of your life to any other person. Just imagine for example if you went to sell something precious to you or your husband (for example a vintage car he had been lovingly restored) and wanted someone to buy it who appreciated it as much as you - if you sold it to someone who raved over it giving you the impression he felt the same way about the car as you and then went and used it to do drag racing - you would not only feel pretty peeved off but I bet a little bit of your husband’s heart would be broken - not just because of the fate of the car but because someone disrespected him enough to abuse his trust. Even if he found that out years later and not just at the time, it would still be hard. Of course, a car is nothing like a baby but I’m just talking about the feelings of trust.</p> <p>“A man’s word is his bond”. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/12915/">katiesue</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 4:00am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23154"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14351/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="tmorton" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>The child you are adopting is a person too. The woman who is pregnant with this child and will give birth the him or her is asking you one favor. Just a name. That child will eventually want to know his or her name. He or she will still love you as his or her parents. The child is going to be losing his or her mother at least give him or her the name.</p> <p>Give your new baby his or her name, the birth mother is giving up so much and you are gaining so much at least let the child have the original name. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14351/">tmorton</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 4:22am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23155"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/7725/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="hurryupnwait" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Our birthparents did not choose a name, but if they had and no matter what they would have chosen, we would have worked with it. I think it would be an important thing for the child to know what their birthparents would have chosen for them, and it is the least of concern when you have that baby in your arms and you are finally parents. <img src="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/images/smileys/smile.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" /> We had a name picked out for our first match that fell through and we never used that name. That baby isn’t yours until it is yours. Hold your breath and focus on getting to that joyous moment before and above anything else. And once there, relax, celebrate, and enjoy! There is one important name: family! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/7725/">hurryupnwait</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 4:25am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23159"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/12915/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="katiesue" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Sounds like a good plan, Matt - good luck. </p> <p>“Tress - I don�t want to be deceptive about the naming, and I feel like we would be doing that if we say we�ll name her one thing and then choose something else later. We want to be honest with her and we want to do what is in the best interest of everyone involved.”</p> <p>You sound like a man of your word. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/12915/">katiesue</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 4:34am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23165"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/13157/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="EST" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>You WOULD be giving up a lot to not chose the name you want no matter what the BM is �giving up�. You are not trying to make light of her sacrifice but you would experience a loss not to chose your favorite name�the one you and your wife dreamed of using.</p> <p>Also gentle reminder- Expectant mom is what this woman is called until she signs relinquishment papers- then she can be called a birth mother- and never a BM- that’s a bowel movement.</p> <p>I think if this is an issue to you- then this is not the match to you.</p> <p>Fast forward 20 years- say you do accept this match- and you play nice and let her name the baby and then change the name or call her by a different name…</p> <p>THEN- she decides she wants to know medical health history- or ya know- know who her birthmother is- and her birthmother tells her what you did.</p> <p>I know for me- that would rub me wrong… so so wrong- that I would most likely have resentment towards my adoptive parents about it.<br /> I can’t say how your potential adoptive child will feel- but I know to me- I don’t like it one bit.</p> <p>Matt- I think you are going in the right direction. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/13157/">EST</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 5:10am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23168"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/9711/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Happy Camper" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Medic Matt, </p> <p>I think your plan to try and find another name that you all like sounds good, and the decent thing to do. Like you, I wouldn’t want a baby whose very name required a deception or lie.I also would not want to call a child a name I hate or one I cringe at how it is spelled.</p> <p> If it were me, I’d get one of those baby name books and list 50 names you like. There is bound to be a name that both you and the EM agree is good. Once she or he is here, I bet you will feel this new name was meant for the child. Maybe as was said earlier, the name you like this time is for your second child!! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/9711/">Happy Camper</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 5:48am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23169"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/254/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_254-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="babydreams" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>I feel like all prospective adoptive parents should be warned of this name stuff—it’s pretty common! I am trying to loosen the grip I have on the names I love before I am in a match <img src="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/images/smileys/wink.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" /><br /> Also—you never know… I know someone who use the EM’s choice of name for 1st name and their choice for the middle name, thinking they would use the middle name. Lo and behold, when the baby was born the slightly odd name the EM had chosen really fit this baby!<br /> I also have friends who were having a bio kid and were set on the name for months. I can’t even remember the original name because he is 12 now and when he was born they were flummoxed. The name they picked just didn’t feel right. They picked the name Sam out of the blue in the hospital.<br /> I guess I am saying these things also take on a life of their own…<br /> Good luck MedicMatt! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/254/">babydreams</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 6:07am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23170"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14327/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="kathleen14" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>I hope that you find a successful resolution so that everyone can agree. I think names become very important to adoptive parents, because it is the ONE thing we can hold on to through this journey. When my brother chose to name his son, the name I had always planned on for my yet to be adopted child I was very upset. However, in the big picture, I think the name is not that important. Their are nicknames and middle names and most of all the incredible love you will have for this baby. Best wishes… </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14327/">kathleen14</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 6:33am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23171"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14327/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="kathleen14" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>I hope that you find a successful resolution so that everyone can agree. I think names become very important to adoptive parents, because it is the ONE thing we can hold on to through this journey. When my brother chose to name his son, the name I had always planned on for my yet to be adopted child I was very upset. However, in the big picture, I think the name is not that important. Their are nicknames and middle names and most of all the incredible love you will have for this baby. Best wishes… </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14327/">kathleen14</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 6:41am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23173"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14353/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="LadyTara" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Hi, new here and just wanted to add a comment of my thoughts.</p> <p>Although the original name might not be to your choice, will the baby know it was named that already? </p> <p>I am in the UK so we have different OBC laws I think, so for myself, when I was over 18 I was able to get that and find out what my name had been at birth. </p> <p>That was over 25 years ago, and I am finding myself at the age of 45 really really really wanting some kind of validation that I was born with another name � this feeling is so strong that I am actually going to have my birth name tattooed onto me (somewhere discreet!) as now I am in middle age I want the world to know that I was born with this name…. Just a thought… </p> <p>Also, this is in no way to disrespect my adoptive parents � they are both still alive and in their eighties, and I love them dearly, but as I have got older I feel the need to express my whole life, not just the part from the date they adopted me and changed my name. </p> <p>Remember, adopted children grow up, and just because they were ok with things aged 5, 10, 15 etc doesn�t mean when they hit milestones of eg getting married, having their own children, becoming grandparents that they stop being adopted and stop thinking about their history.</p> <p>All the best </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14353/">LadyTara</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 10:26am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23175"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/12915/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="katiesue" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>In regards to the emom’s choice of name, she can use that on the original birth certificate - with your combined choice of number on the amended certificate. Whatever happens, please remember to get a copy of the original birth certificate because once an adoption is finalised, there is an extremely high possibility that you will NEVER be able to get a copy of the original birth certificate again (depending on the state - I believe only 6 states have unsealed records). </p> <p>LadyTara"That was over 25 years ago, and I am finding myself at the age of 45 really really really wanting some kind of validation that I was born with another name”<br /> I’m in a bit of a weird position - I do have a name on my OBC - a rather classical name (one that is apparently popular in the UK but thought of as an older woman’s name in the US (I’m from neither country)) but according my non-ID info, it is not known whether my bmom or a nurse gave me my name - unfortunately I will never be able to ask my bmom as she passed away young. When I think of this name, I tend to think of elegant, well educated girls and I wonder if that is what she wanted for me which is why I really would like to know if it was her who named me. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/12915/">katiesue</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 1:08pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23177"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/10402/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_10402-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="tabbz82" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Matt,</p> <p>I think you and your wife came up with a fabulous solution! I am glad that yall are going to compromise on a name. I know some people think its not a big deal bc she is giving you her baby, but a name is a HUGE deal. As adoptive parents we don’t get any other experice of pregnancy and birth so naming the child is the part we can participate in. It stinks that you can’t use the name that you love. Hopefully you can for the next child. </p> <p>Good luck and I hope you update us on the name! I can’t wait to hear it. I am curious what the name is that you love and she loves! But I know you don’t want to risk her finding this and I so get that. <img src="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/images/smileys/smile.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" /> </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/10402/">tabbz82</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 2:59pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23178"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/12915/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="katiesue" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>“Good luck and I hope you update us on the name! I can�t wait to hear it. I am curious what the name is that you love and she loves! But I know you don�t want to risk her finding this and I so get that.”</p> <p>Perhaps he can get around that by giving us the “meanings” of the names and we can then work it out. (eg, my member name means pure white lily) </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/12915/">katiesue</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 4:08pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23180"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/13157/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="EST" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Good. One thing that stuck out to me is that she is late in her pregnancy which is a good thing for you really. ( I think- correct me if I am wrong) but at least there is not 6 months of back and forth on a myriad of issues.</p> <p>I agree with Katie Sue- get that OBC! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/13157/">EST</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 4:30pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23188"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/6507/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Happygirl2012" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>We had a name picked out for our son, but his now Birthmother was calling him a name that is both of her brothers middle names.</p> <p>The funny thing is the name she picked fits him perfectly. I can’t imagine him with the original name we picked now.</p> <p>Our birthmother is very greatful we kept the name. We liked the name and it gives him a connection to his birth family. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/6507/">Happygirl2012</a> on Aug 22, 2012 at 7:08pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23197"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/9599/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="sls" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Very insightful discussion. Thanks for posting. Sounds like things are moving fast. Very exciting My prayers will be with your family and the EM. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/9599/">sls</a> on Aug 23, 2012 at 5:03am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23199"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14361/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="HDW" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>MedicMatt, I am glad that you seem to have come to a fair decision for both you and the f-mom.</p> <p>To some of the other posters: please, please, please do not lie to these first mothers and tell them that you will use the names they have chosen when you have absolutely no intention of following through on your word. </p> <p>It comes across as though some of you posters view the first mom as a nuisance that you have to appease to get to your baby. Well, this nuisance gave your prospective child its DNA. This child is very much a part of her. Please respect her enough to be honest with her.</p> <p>The truth has a way of eventually presenting itself. And, your child may one day resent you for lying to his/her first mom. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14361/">HDW</a> on Aug 23, 2012 at 5:56am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23200"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/12915/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="katiesue" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>As far as I’m concerned, there is a general rule of thumb when deciding whether something is the “right” thing to do or not and that is - Is it something that you can tell your child about while looking them squarely in the eyes. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/12915/">katiesue</a> on Aug 23, 2012 at 6:34am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23217"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/11816/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_11816-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="sacohe" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>MedicMatt. I’m glad you seem to have found a solution that you, your wife, and the expectant mother can all live with. In our case, we chose the names for our boys. We wanted to give them original first names and then middle names that were from other family members to help ground our boys in the history of our families. I did discuss these names with our birth mom (same mom to both boys) and she approved which was great. But I will tell you this. My husband chose our older son’s first name the night we learned that our birth mother was expecting a boy. He came up with it right away. I wanted to give it more thought and to consider more options. I created a list of names that I liked and ran it by my husband. Nope, he wasn’t interested. He only liked the name that he had chosen. I didn’t dislike it but I wanted him to consider other names. After some time, I began to think of this child who wasn’t yet born or ours by the name my husband had chosen. The funny thing is, that is when my husband finally relented and said we could call this baby anything I wanted. Too late! I was already thinking of him by this name. And that is what we named him. And you know, I can’t imagine him now with any other name. I think about those other names on my list and they just don’t fit him as well. I think if you really hate a name, then it would be very hard to call your child by that name. But if you are at least neutral to that name, then one day you will find that you can’t think of this child as having any other name. </p> <p>It may be better not to give the child the name you have picked out so long ago because with a name can come an idea of what that child will be like. And the real child may be nothing like the child you have been imagining. So it may be better to come up with something new that is special just for this child you are expecting.</p> <p>BTW - For my older son, I assume you would approve of the name my husband picked out for him and that I eventually accepted. We named him Matthew!!! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/11816/">sacohe</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 6:20am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23220"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14379/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="amymae" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>I would urge you, Matt, to think very carefully about what the child you’re planning to adopt might think about the situation as she grows up, and I would urge you to seek out advice from adoptees—there are a lot of fantastic blogs out there (declassifiedadoptee for example) that might illuminate for you some of the issues your child might face as she grows. </p> <p>I am just one adoptee—but those original names have such importance for us adoptees, too (not just for the birthmother or birthfather!). Those names are a part of our identities as human beings. </p> <p>Is it truly the case that couldn’t love a child called Jennifer (or whatever the birthmother would name her)? I would certainly hope not—I’d hope instead that if you love the child, you would come to love her name, too. Isn’t it likely that any negative associations you might have had about the name in the past will fade as the child grows? You’d have new associations of that name with the child that you are raising and learning to love. </p> <p>My adoptive parents gave me the name that they wanted. I love them, but feel that it would have been so much more respectful of both the birthmother AND of myself had they kept the name I would have had if one of my birthparents had raised me. I always hated my own name growing up. When I discovered the name I would have had, I liked it much, much better. </p> <p>I’m not saying this is something that would happen with your child—but one can’t even know for certain that his or her own biological child will like the name you give her. </p> <p>If you just can’t give in to what the birthmother would want to name the child (again, please consider her position—you get to raise the child, to know her, to celebrate her birthdays, etc…. she wants only to give the child a name!!!), I hope you are able to reach a compromise she’s happy with.</p> <p>But please, for the sake of your future adopted child, take the time now to read some of what adult adoptees have to say. My (adoptive) parents were never able to truly empathize with my feelings as an adoptee—many times I felt I was more of a possession to them then a person in my own right. They have never been able to understand my need to know my birthparents and to form a relationship with them (I feel that without this, I can’t really know who I am), and it has been a painful experience for all of us. </p> <p>I’ve gone on far too long. I wish you (and especially the child) well.</p> <p>A. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14379/">amymae</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 7:34am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23223"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/8483/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_8483-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Flournoy Family" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>First off, Congratulations on being matched! Second, I have not read others comments before posting this. Third, after going through a failed adoption & a successful adoption personally, here is what I would do. </p> <p>In Texas, (not sure if the process is the same in your state), the birth mother nammed the baby and placed that name on the birth certificate, BUT when we filed the petition for adoption in court (after rights were terminated OR to be safe, when you file the Order Granting Adoption (at the finalization) that’s what the attorneys office uses to file for the new birth certificate with your names as parents. At that point you can ask the judge (in the petition or order) for the name change to your name. At that point, the birth mother no longer has no more rights. </p> <p>I KNOW it’s not the most ethical thing to do, but my reasoning behind it is this: <br /> 1) for you - it is more important for you to get that child than to risk losing it over a name. <br /> 2) for you - when birth mother is not around you can call the baby your name from the start. The baby is too young to even know the difference. <br /> 3) for birth mom - she is revved up on pregnancy hormones right now and is emotional when making decisions. If you are planning an open adoption she will find out at some point about the name change and will inevitably be upset. You have to accept that and let her deal with her emotions and she will eventually come to realize that the name for the baby is not that big of a deal. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/8483/">Flournoy Family</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 2:28pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23224"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/13900/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_13900-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Adoption Network Cleveland" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/13900/">Adoption Network Cleveland</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 2:39pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23225"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/2675/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_2675-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="preparedforrain" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>When we began pur adoption journey five year ago, I could never have imagined not naming my children myself. That changed, however with our first adoption. Our daughter was three days old and I was trying to figure out a name for her when it came to me powerfully that she already had one. We kept her first name and changed the two middle names. </p> <p>Now, five kiddos later, we have only changed two first names…one from Jalon to James Because hearing Jalon was too traumatic for our son due to his past abuse and that name being tied together. The other is our daughter who was named I’Kira at birth and we are changing it to Kira. </p> <p>I truly believe that when you have your child in your arms, the name issue willl not feel nearly as important as it did before. <img src="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/images/smileys/smile.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" /> </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/2675/">preparedforrain</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 2:41pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23226"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/13900/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_13900-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Adoption Network Cleveland" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>I work for Adoption Network Cleveland ... a resource for anyone connected to adoption and foster care ... but I am writing this response, as an adoptive mom, not in my role at work ... </p> <p>I haven’t read every word of every reply to your very important question, but wanted to share some insight with the perspective of time ... we adopted over 20 years ago and have a completely open adoption. When we spoke to bmom for the first time when the baby was 2 weeks old and in foster care, using a nickname, because he wasn’t named. His bmom was never told she could name him and (prior to adopting) we never considered her thoughts on the matter. When we had our first call, she asked us about a name and we shared our thoughtfully planned out name idea. She meekly told us what she always used for him while pregnant, but she thought our name was nice, too. To this day, I don’t know if she really liked our name choice, or just felt like this was one more chance for control that was being taken from her. Over the years, it has haunted me that I didn’t give her more of a voice in the matter. My sister adopted two kids and each middle name is something very thoughtful for each birthmother - not their exact names, but derivatives. That decision has continued to be a very endearing thing for both of those kids. Because you are already knee-deep in this name-choosing process with her, I think you should proceed in a fresh new way of compromise ... I am wondering if you could completely START OVER. Literally, go to the table with a blank slate on both sides. Maybe think about a whole new first name and a whole new middle name. Any advice to change a name after finalization seems very icky. You’re about to enter a journey where you will be forever connected to this person—whether you have an ongoing, close relationship or not. Show respect to your child by showing respect to the person who brought her into the world. I often recommend the book HOSPITIOUS ADOPTION by James Gritter. Open adoption is about any other important relationship in our lives ... it’s about being kind and considerate towards each other. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/13900/">Adoption Network Cleveland</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 2:42pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23227"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14381/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Yoga-mom" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Great discussion. We are matched with a birthmom due next month. All along, she has been asking us what we are going to name the baby and we have discussed our ideas, but decided to pick a couple and decide when we meet the baby after delivery. The other day I talked to birthmom and she said she and birthdad picked out their name for the baby and will put it on the original certificate. She said we can change the name. We were surprised to hear this. But, it is what it is, and will just be part of our daughters story. The birth parents have this right and I am grateful that they didn’t ask us to keep the name because it is not what we would choose. But, it is still hard to swallow that the baby will be given a name at birth and then we will change it. Not ideal, but adoption does have its twists and turns! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14381/">Yoga-mom</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 2:52pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23228"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/8755/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="vdveen" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Our children were older when the adoption was finalized (ages 5, 7, and 9). We kept their first names (even though one of the names isn’t one I would have chosen, so I usually use a nickname that has stuck). Two of the children kept their middle names, but the oldest really wanted to change his middle name (the name had bad connotations for him). After many suggestions (including “Frankenstein”), we suggested and he agreed to use his birth mother’s maiden name. It gives him a connection to his birth family, which has helped both him AND them, in the long run. Just one of many ways to handle what can be a sticky situation. Good luck. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/8755/">vdveen</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 3:21pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23229"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/9082/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="daniotra" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>My husband and I had a name picked out for our first male child. When we met our future son for the first time, we both realized immediately that he wasn’t “Sean Michael”, but someone else entirely. “Sean Michael” was the name of our biological child that wasn’t to be. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/9082/">daniotra</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 3:31pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23232"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/5659/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="cfear60144" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>We had a similar situation. Birth mother named the baby something we we would NEVER saddle a child with. Her origional birth certificate has her “first name”. We named her the name we had always wanted - with a hyphenated middle name - our middle name choice and the baby’s birth name. The only time she hears her second-middle name is when she is really in trouble and we call out all her names…. <img src="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/images/smileys/smile.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" /> </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/5659/">cfear60144</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 4:14pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23233"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/7594/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="joyfulmommy" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Our BP’s wanted a different name for our son as well. We told them the name that we wanted (which was similar in ethnic origin and same number of syllables, but otherwise completely different).Fortunately this did not stop them from placing wtih us.</p> <p>The baby came early, the BP’s named him on his original birth certificate what they wanted. But then we called him the name we chose and officially named him that at the finalization and then (several months later) received a new birth certificate for him with the name we chose.</p> <p>In our case, we were fortunate that the BP’s went along with what we named our boy. I just wanted to contribute the legal ramifications and how once the adoption is finalized YOU get to name the child. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/7594/">joyfulmommy</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 4:14pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23234"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/12915/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="katiesue" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>“I KNOW it�s not the most ethical thing to do,”</p> <p>Ethics schmethics, who needs ‘em eh, Flournay family?</p> <p>So Flournays, if I understand you right, you are saying “Yeah, yeah we’ll do whatever you like” (with fingers crossed behind back) and then once the adoption is through “Yeah yeah I know we promised you such and such but, we got what we wanted and there is nothing you can do about it now, so, too bad, so sad”. </p> <p>Putting adoption aside, in general life, would you treat anyone else like that or would you wanted to be treated like that? A name change may sound like a minor thing but that’s not the point - it is the fact that you are suggesting someone lie just to get what they want and then go back on their word. People may “get over” others lying to them to get what they want but most people also feel like they have lost a bit of innocence when that happens to them. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/12915/">katiesue</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 4:18pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23235"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/8483/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_8483-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Flournoy Family" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Yoga-mom. </p> <p>Our sons birthmom did the same thing. She named him “Emmit Brayden” on his birth certificate & we had it changed to “Caleb Edward”. She knew we were going to choose a name for him & she knew the two names we had narrowed it down to, but not his actual name until after birth. We called him Caleb from day one even though it wasn’t legally changed until day 4 when the courts granted the order to terminate parental rights. </p> <p>We did have a bit of hoops to jump through with his pedi & our insurance bc he had to be seen by his pedi on day 3 for a f/u from the release at the hospital. But once we faxed in court orders it wasn’t much trouble. </p> <p>Medic Matt - another thing on all of this… Our failed adoption was with our sons birth sister (we were supposed to adopt her from birth) we named her “Kathryn”. The birthmom changed her name to “Sophia” - we now have a relationship with Sophia bc we want the siblings to have a relationship. The name change has actually helped me with the loss of the adoption bc to me “Kathryn” & “Sophia” (while I KNOW they are one in the same are very different kids to me. “Kathryn” is this baby I held, loved, called my own, she is the infant I have pictures of… Sophia is this wonderful precious child, and while I love her - she is not mine. My counselor recommended we release balloons for “Kathryn” - releasing the balloons was letting go of the spirit that that baby & name held for us. </p> <p>While what I recommended earlier may seem deceptive to you now (I read that on you reply post when someone else suggested it). It may be something the birth mother can use to help deal with her loss later. I don’t believe she will ever see that right now, but later she may. </p> <p>One last thing, I don’t know if anyone has mentioned this to you, but this name thing may just be a trigger or coverup for her (and she may not realize it) in her comfort of her decision to even place the baby. There were signs with our first adoption that she was on the fence & changing her mind, but I didn’t see them at the time because I was too emotionally involved & I didn’t know what to look for & no one told us. Just something to keep in mind. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/8483/">Flournoy Family</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 4:27pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23237"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/13810/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="tallgirl" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Hello-</p> <p>Yep, it’s fun to imagine baby names. That’s something we used to do at the start of our miserable 10 year journey through infertility. But that’s one of the many, many, things you give up.</p> <p>We ended up giving up even on the idea of a baby, when a wonderful but heavily traumatized 13 year old foster daughter tumbled into our laps. Now, at 15, she wants to be adopted and we are fighting in the courts to do so.<br /> Guess what? She has a name already. In fact, she’s an immigrant from other country with a name in a tonal language we can’t even really pronounce properly.<br /> But we love that name, because it is HER.</p> <p>Now she wants us to rename her, first and last, and we don’t want to because we love her name as part of her!<br /> But of course, it’s up to her.</p> <p>This baby is a person who for all you know will grow up hating the name you think is so wonderful, whatever it is, and want to change it herself. </p> <p>I’m actually somewhat concerned that you would insist on a certain name for a person who doesn’t even exist yet. I hope you are prepared to go on a process of discovery with this child, whose character, tastes, temperament, and abilities are completely unknown to you.</p> <p>In other words, she’s not the kid in your head with that name, she is herself, a person you’ve yet to meet.</p> <p>For God’s sake, let the name go and focus on what’s important. </p> <p>You have a child to love. That’s what matters.</p> <p>Our daughter was also abused and neglected. Like your EM she has strong likes and dislikes that might not make sense to others who don’t know the full story. For example, I bake banana bread, and our daughter freaks out because the smell of bananas remind her of being force-fed by an abusive adult. You just don’t know what this EM has been through.</p> <p>If the name you chose reminds your EM of a very painful experience or time in her life, why would you even consider naming the child that? For all you know, she grew up with her friends saying bitterly, “I hate ____ county! Soon as I grow up, I’m getting the hell out of _____ county!” </p> <p>FYI- in parts of the rural US, people refer to county names all the time, more than city names.</p> <p>Give it up! </p> <p>It’s not about what you’ve given up. It’s not about what you’ve lost. </p> <p>It’s about doing what’s right by the kid you are actually ending up with, who its NOT the fantasy kid in your head, but a real live baby with a real live EM and her own life story which does not begin and end with you and your wife.</p> <p>I’m sorry, I’m not trying to belittle what I am sure is your very real pain. But this is just the start of losing some of your long-held hopes, dreams, and illusions about your new baby. She is not a replacement for the biological child you never had, as the previous commenter also said, but someone new.</p> <p>So find a new name, please, for everyone’s sake. And try do it cheerfully, with a spirit of adventure. Everything you held fast to is lost, but what you can gain is so, so wonderful….. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/13810/">tallgirl</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 4:45pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23238"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14386/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="jryan3605" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>We had picked out a name that we mentioned to the birth parents before our son was born. We could tell that they didn’t care for our choice so we asked what name they liked. They told us. While it was not a name we would have picked, we felt that it was a small price to pay under the circumstances.</p> <p>Only later did we realize how important our decision was to go with their choice. When our son got older, he asked how we chose his name. We said that it was the name that his birth parents wanted for him. He has found great comfort in knowing that he was important to them and was a real person with a name not just a nameless baby given up for adoption. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14386/">jryan3605</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 4:45pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23243"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/12915/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="katiesue" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>“One last thing, I don�t know if anyone has mentioned this to you, but this name thing may just be a trigger or coverup for her (and she may not realize it) in her comfort of her decision to even place the baby.”</p> <p>Actually, I have to admit that is something that crossed my mind as well. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/12915/">katiesue</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 4:55pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23247"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/8483/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_8483-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Flournoy Family" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>KatieSue - do not attack me. You do not know me, you do not know what we have been through, you do not know our story. This site is for support not to break each other down. I gave medic Matt my opinion & purely my opinion. This is an emotional time for both the prospective parents & the expectant parents. Things are not always in prospective. </p> <p>If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. That’s how I like to be treated. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/8483/">Flournoy Family</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 5:02pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23250"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/12915/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="katiesue" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>“KatieSue - do not attack me.”</p> <p>I had issues with your suggestion - you even admitted that it was ethically-challenged. How I rephrased it in my post is how it came across sounding to me - if you think that is an inaccurate summary of what you said, let me know. </p> <p>The rest of the post was pointing out that it goes beyond just doing one small deceitful thing.</p> <p>Btw I did read your profile and quite a few of your other posts before replying so even though I obviously don’t know your whole story, I do know most of what you have decided to share on these forums.(not that that is relevant as I was talking about your suggestion not your situation) </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/12915/">katiesue</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 5:30pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23252"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/2765/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="kgirlsmith" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>As an adoptive mom of 4 with 3 different biological families, I have to say I’ve dealt with this.</p> <p>The first step for me/us was to talk directly with the biological parents and express that we really wanted to have a good/long-term relationship and we were committed to an open adoption (because this is what we’d agreed) and that I/we saw this becoming our first point of conflict. </p> <p>In order to work through this, you might ask her to create a list of favorite names and would would do the same. Then, allow the other to eliminate names from the list. (For example, on our list was the name Kendra and they HATED it. So, we took it off. I don’t have a daughter named Kendra. It’s OK…)</p> <p>Then, you and your husband will work on a name to name the baby working from the two lists you know will not have names that would cause pain or heartache for the bio family. </p> <p>If she goes for this plan, she will cross off your favorite name and I might recommend that you find a way to keep her favorite name (as a middle name).</p> <p>I did this. I have a daughter with a 2nd choice name (not my first choice as planned but one that we used the method above and well, I love her name - now) and a son with a first name that was selected as the middle name by his bio mom.</p> <p>For my son, I did NOT like the first name she’d selected and could NEVER live with it (at least as a first name). His middle name was “OK”. It grew on me. I didn’t even name him until he was 13 days old/home from the hospital for 10 days. I tried the name out. You know, that name is perfect for him. Who would have known? And the best part….when he asked me where he got his (unique) name, I could tell him that his BM and I selected it together and that we both love him - he beamed. Note, I did change her odd spelling but it is the same sound.</p> <p>At the time I was naming my son, I felt as though I was compromising. Why should have to do THAT? Another dream lost, etc…<br /> Well, 5 years later, it couldn’t be better.</p> <p>Seek compromise and peace. You are going for a long term relationship and perspective. Wishing you well. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/2765/">kgirlsmith</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 5:35pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23254"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/9634/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="A. Grant - USAdopt" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>First, congratulations on your match! What an exciting time for your family and the BM. This is also a time when emotions run high for everyone and it’s easy to get passionate about aspects of the dream you have had for your child.</p> <p>My suggestion would be to use this as an opportunity to have your first compromise with the BM. Acknowledge the importance of the name she wants to her, also acknowledge the importance of the name you had picked, and communicate to her that recognizing you all had names in mind for personal reasons and this is so important to all of you that you work together to come up with a first name (a completely new name that you all agree on) for the child and then use the name you want as the child’s middle name. This could be a wonderful first opportunity to build on your relationship together and start to establish trust for each other by coming to a completely new agreement.</p> <p>Wishing you all well! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/9634/">A. Grant - USAdopt</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 5:46pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23256"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/1083/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_1083-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="gqqfier15" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>From my point of view now, I am a little jealous of everyone else’s experiences. I think it would be great to use a name given by the birthparents or to decide together. When we were matched I asked our son’s birthmom (expectant mom then birthmom now ......) if she would like to contribute to his name or if she had a name picked. She said “you are going to be his parents and you had better start making the parenting decisions”. When we shared the name we picked she said she loved it and put it on his birthcertificate at the hospital. I was dissappointed too that all the hospital paperwork listed him as baby boy (insert last name) when he had a name. I just wanted to share that in case your hospital does the same you won’t be as shocked as we were.</p> <p>Everyone’s focusing on the name but I too am worried about all the underlying emotions going on on both sides. I’m trying to think of the best way to put this, You will be adoptive parents for life, this is just the beginning of the differences between ‘normal’ parenting.</p> <p>If your like me, your emotions are in turmoil right now. I do sympathise.</p> <p>Sorry medicmatt, i replied before your last reply. I think you are getting so many posts because AFC sent your question out in their last email. Enjoy fishing!</p> <p>Good Luck with everything! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/1083/">gqqfier15</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 5:49pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23259"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/10885/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="lizziehourigan" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>We have an open adoption agreement with our birth mother. When we were waiting for our son to be born, she asked us to consider some names. We ended up choosing our own. After delivery, before our birth mother relinquished her rights, she was given the opportunity to name him on a birth certificate and gave the name she preferred. She was given that birth certificate. However, on all hospital records, he appeared as Baby Boy (Her last name). Once her rights were terminated (24 hours after delivery), he was released into our custody. We were given forms from our lawyer who asked what we wanted to name the baby. We gave our chosen name and at the time of finalization, 3 months later, the birth certificate was changed to reflect the name we chose. </p> <p>Our first child was adopted from China. She has two middle names. The first is a family name of ours. The second was her given Chinese name. Perhaps that is an option for you. Best of luck. Certainly a difficult situation. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/10885/">lizziehourigan</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 5:59pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23263"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14393/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Mrs. C" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Hi Matt,<br /> I’m a little late in this string of emails but I like that you have decided to have everyone pick new names and compromise. Our birth mother wanted us to name our daughter a few names that we could not stand. It wasn’t a deal breaker for us and we wanted to make her happy (especially considering the sacrifices she was making for us) but we really didn’t like the names she chose (at all!) and the way she spelled them. We ended up giving our daughter her birth mother’s first name as a middle name. It took days to come up with this solution and it was worth all the pain and thought it took to compromise with our daughter’s birth mother and get it to a place where she was happy and we were happy. Now four years later we love the fact that our daughter’s middle name is her birth mother’s first name. I know our situation is different than yours but we managed to work it out with some thought and compromise and it sounds like you are on your way to that as well. I suppose as adoptive parents we all have to follow our hearts and do what we feel is right. Wishing you a healthy baby and a smooth adoption process! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14393/">Mrs. C</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 7:08pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23269"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/8236/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="mom22boys" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>First congratulations! You’re having a baby! This is an exciting and tough time emotionally. Naming is important. I spent hours with wonderful name books (there are great ones on the internet too) generating short lists of names we liked and that matched our last name (so all names ending with an EE sound were out from the beginning). We adopted from Ukraine and went armed with two boy names and one girl name, just in case. The baby is the important piece of this and what you call her is secondly important. Perhaps you could ask your BM to generate some lists of her own from books you provide. I think it would be fair that you should give her the first name and BM could contribute the second. And something that sounds nice would be great too. Anyhow, when we met our kids, Max at 4 and Beau (now) at 2, we were given 20 minutes to figure out the name situation and found ourselves deciding that Max was such a Max, it went well with our last name, and that we wanted to honor his BM and his past. Beau’s birthname was Bogdan (more problemmatic in the US). They use lots of nicknames there and he had been called BeauDan. So we named him Beau Daniel and never looked back. Neither of these names had been on our lists, but they were naturals and we’ve been happy with them every since. My sister (who’d stolen my girl name from a few years ago, LOL) said she didn’t think we could have come up with better ones ourselves. Our chosen names, Owen and Nelson, don’t seem pertinent now. Don’t throw the baby out with the bad name. Good luck. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/8236/">mom22boys</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 8:05pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23271"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14381/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Yoga-mom" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Someone earlier mentioned that the Birth Mom or Expectan Mom naming the baby could be a sign that they wil not go through with placement. That was the first thought that entered my mind when we were told by the birth parents that they were going to name the baby on the original birth certificate. After giving some time I realized that in terms of the grieving process, it is probably helpful for them to give the baby a name of their choice. Our birthmom let us know we can change the name at finalization, so I am not worried (well, at least no more worried because of the name thing). </p> <p>And someone else was saying that their son is comforted by knowing his birthmom named him. Each child is going to have their own experiences and there is no way to predict. I think as long as we are honest, then it will make it easier along the journey.</p> <p>We thought about naming the baby after the birthmom. Then we decided against it just in case the baby has some resentment issues along the way. </p> <p>Fact of the matter, the baby means one thing to the birth parents who are placing the baby. That is ok. The baby we are going to adopt has different meaning to us. And we are going to name her what is in our hearts for her. And we are fortunate that our Birth parents want this for us. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14381/">Yoga-mom</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 8:15pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23273"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14361/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="HDW" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>To the individuals advocating deception: Adoptees grow up, and many of them will want to know their stories. One day, they may know the truth: their adoptive parents lied to their birth parent, so they could have their cake and eat it, too.</p> <p>Sure, a b-mom may be hormonal. But, that doesn�t make her request to use the name she has chosen any less logical. After all, the prospective parents also view the name as important. Does that make them hormonal, too, or are they completely logical? </p> <p>To Yoga-mom: I was honored to see that my b-mom gave me a name at birth. I wasn�t just some generic baby (e.g., Baby Girl Smith). I was given a name. When I received my original birth certificate, it meant the world to know that I had a proper name. It showed that she cared about me. She had taken the time to think of a name for her daughter. (For the record, she knew that my name would be changed, but she wanted to give that gift to me, anyway.)</p> <p>It showed that I was valued from day one. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14361/">HDW</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 8:21pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23275"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14381/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Yoga-mom" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>To HDW, thank you for that perspective. I now also feel grateful that the birth parents will give her a name on the original birth certificate and we hope that will ensure our daughter feels that she was loved from day one.</p> <p>To medicmatt, thank you for initiating this discussion. Wishing you and your family the best. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14381/">Yoga-mom</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 8:32pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23276"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/1806/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Candace Hooper" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>I adopted both sons from Kazakhstan—of Russian ethnicity. They were 1 and 3 at the time, so they already had names. The staff at the orphanage used the Russian diminutives for their names as nicknames, and the nicknames were what the boys were used to hearing. Since their birth mothers had given them their names, I decided to honor that and their heritage, and use those names as their first names, though actually I used the diminutive nickname for the older boy as his legal first name instead of his full Russian name, since I liked it much better. Then I gave them American middle names that had family significance to me (but are also names I really like and are fairly popular names).</p> <p>Fast forward 6 years. The boys begged me to let them go by their American middle names. So I said, OK. (I know at least one of them got teased on the bus). It was really hard for me to change. They had really become their Russian names in my mind and heart. But I have always gone by my middle name, so I know it can be done. It has been a year and I am finally 95% compliant at using the middle names. Their friends use first and middle seemingly randomly. When the boys are older they can go back to their Russian names full time if they want. I don’t really want them to change back and forth a lot. It is confusing. But these are their names, and it is their life. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/1806/">Candace Hooper</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 8:56pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23277"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/11360/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="iowamom" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Just a word of warning to those contemplating using the middle name as the name you call your child because you are not fond of the first name or feel the child would not be fond of it… If your child ever goes into the military they will use their first name no matter what name hey have used in the past! (When they aren’t being called by their last name as is also common in the military). This is the situation with friends sons who both joined the Air Force in the past decade. Confusing? Very!! Their first names are now the names they use in their adult lives instead of the middle name they went by for 18 + years. Ironically one of them’s middle name was the others first name. Kind of a comical name mess that was inadvertently created when they were born 25 years ago!! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/11360/">iowamom</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 9:07pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23281"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14397/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="goM0Mgo" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Matt:</p> <p>It sounds like you are on the right track. </p> <p>Our last adoption was almost 9 years ago, so I am speaking from the perspective of distance, but my advice would be to remember that all of this is just part of family and relationships. You and the expectant mother are developing a relationship which may result in you becoming parents to her child, and you and she becoming family. </p> <p>It takes time for relationships to grow, and the pressure cooker of adoption is not the ideal place for this to happen. However, working together now to resolve the differences you face will help you build a stronger relationship for the future, which is only going to benefit your child.</p> <p>Blessings to all of you. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14397/">goM0Mgo</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 9:21pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23282"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/6394/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_6394-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Cait" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/6394/">Cait</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 9:23pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23284"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/6394/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_6394-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Cait" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>I hate my daughter’s name HATE HATE HATE. It’s spelled wrong, point blank. My biggest regret is not changing my little girl’s name to something we liked. Everyone in my family has a family name and our daughter is the only one that doesn’t. 2 years later I think about it everyday.</p> <p>Naming a baby is HUGE. It puts your stamp on that child. Once the b. mother delivers and signs the papers, she has no say in what you do.</p> <p>We have and open adotption and get along fine with the birthmom. I told her at the adoption I was changing my girl’s middle name and that was that. </p> <p>Be aware of what your family wants first. You can’t have a stranger dictating your families life. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/6394/">Cait</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 9:31pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23286"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/259/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_259-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Jeanne" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>My oldest son goes by his middle name, and he is in the military. Yes, all of his paperwork is in his first name, and when he gets a call from a stranger, they call him by his first name. But I’m really, really sure his co-workers call him by his middle name. Facebook makes it possible for me to know that. <img src="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/images/smileys/wink.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" /> Of course, he is frequently called by his surname, but that’s been happening since football started in junior high.</p> <p>It’s not just people going by middle names that have the problem. James who goes by Jim, Robert who goes by Bob, and Richard who goes by Dick have the same issue. It’s not as if it’s an extraordinary condition for a person to use a name that is not exactly that of the first blank on his or her birth certificate. People manage.</p> <p>Personally, I’m not even sure how many names I answer to. There are still a few folks who call me by a nickname that my adoptive mom used when I was 5 and under. I HATE that name, but I do still answer to it. I also answer to the name my mother gave me at birth—a name I didn’t even hear until I was 21-years-old. I gave that name, Jeanne, to my daughter. Why? Because that name is very important to me. It’s MY name—not the name of a child my adoptive parents tried to conceive.</p> <p>I was named after the middle names of my mother and father. My original name is derived from the middle names of my natural parents. My adoptive name is derived from the middle names of my adoptive parents. I’m quite sure that if they had born a child of their own, she would have had the name they gave to me. But I’m more than their dream child. I’m me. It’s important to me to be something more than a replacement for the child they always wanted. </p> <p>They were never told I already had a name. Dad really isn’t comfortable knowing that I had a name that wasn’t disclosed to him. I don’t know if they would have kept it if they had known. But now I know. I’m an adult, and I can decide for myself. Because he’s almost half a century past the new baby smell, he’s respectful toward my decisions. Most days.</p> <p>Matt, I’m glad you didn’t consider promising one thing then doing another. Good for you!! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/259/">Jeanne</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 9:42pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23288"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/1806/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Candace Hooper" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>In fact, I probably have more friends who do NOT go by their full first name than do. In some ways, my changing names was a rite of passage—going from Candy to Candace when I became an adult. And neither of those is my first name, which is handy for my family to screen calls, since they know whoever calls me by my first name knows me neither personally nor professionally. Usually the bank or a solicitor. My brother has always gone by a nickname of his middle name too. When my parents were asked why they gave me a particular first name and then called me by my middle name’s nickname all my life, they said that both their parents objected to the name “Candy” and they named me to please the family. But then proceeded to call me Candy all my life until they died. The family learned to be okay with that. </p> <p>Names matter, but they don’t matter. They can be a fluid thing. My mother always hated her name, and she didn’t have a middle name to fall back on. And she didn’t like the nickname “Sissy” that she was given by her family either.</p> <p>My sons can go by whatever they want (within reason). At least they have a connection to their birth mother and to their culture on official documents. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/1806/">Candace Hooper</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 10:38pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23294"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14399/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="GreenMom" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Our son was born on a Saturday, we received the call we were chosen that Sunday and we brought him home from the hospital that Tuesday. The BP chose a closed adoption though we would have loved to have had an open adoption. They did ask for letters and pictures of him several times each year. Because this was an immediate placement there was not much time to think. </p> <p>I did have names picked for a girl and for a boy. I would have liked to have named our baby but they wanted to name him. The name they chose was one I really did not like. We did not have the time to think about it like you have (we had two days) but I was so overwhelmed and excited that we would finally have our child that we had waited so long for that I decided I could handle any name. The name I chose became the middle name. Even if I could not have used the name of my choosing, once our son was born nothing else mattered. </p> <p>I looked at it this way…...there were 3 things his BP were able to give him. First, a healthy pregnancy and therefore he was a healthy baby. Second, they made the difficult choice of adoption and chose his forever family (and we are so grateful for that). And last, they gave him their name. His name is the same as his BF name. I thought that was a loving gift. </p> <p>Our son has filled our life with such love and joy that I could not imagine having passed on this over a name. We would have missed out on so much. </p> <p>You have to do what is right for you but as MotheringBoys said “look at the big picture”. Don’t miss out on a lifetime of love over a name. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14399/">GreenMom</a> on Aug 24, 2012 at 10:55pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23305"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14401/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="shannonac" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>I’m an adoptee who is now waiting to be matched with expectant parents in an open adoption. Growing up in my closed adoption, I knew that my birth name was Kelly Ann. At my adoption, my parents selected a name they had chosen. I never felt like a Kelly Ann, but I was always glad I knew the name. It felt like I had a special connection with my birth mom because she and my birth relatives were the only ones who thought of me as Kelly Ann. When I reunited with her when I was 19, she told me that she was really happy my parents had changed my name, because she didn’t know why she had named me Kelly Ann and she didn’t like the name at all!! </p> <p>I do want to preserve that feeling I had about my birth mom and the name she chose - that special, private bond - for any child I would have in the future regardless of the fact that my birth mom regretted her choice. I’m hoping that the expectant parents we eventually match up with will be willing to have names that they choose for the baby on an original birth certificate in addition to the names that we choose on the certificate after the adoption is finalized. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14401/">shannonac</a> on Aug 25, 2012 at 1:26am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23308"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/2784/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Amy5063" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>We had issues with naming, and the birthmother said it was a dealbreaker with other couples she interviewed. But when she got to us, because I really feel we were the “right” match, we were able to compromise. We hated the name she picked. But she had called him that her whole pregnancy. We promised to keep it as a middle name, but she hated the first name that we picked. So, we came up with five or six other names that sounded good with her middle name. She picked our baby’s name out of those choices. Just like you may love a name your whole life and your husband hates it, the same may happen with the birthmother. How would you react if it were your husband you were having this issue with? Would you be able to solve it more cooperatively? Then that’s how you should work with the birthmother. I would say that instead of feeling competitive, go back to the drawing board and start at square one. There is so much loss in infertility and in adoption, for all parties. I think for me, the name issue was a reminder of the losses I felt, and it was “just one more thing I had to give up.” Work on those feelings within your own heart. I definitely don’t think you should name your baby something you hate, but I also think you may have to give up the name you love in order to reach a solution. The funny thing is, after our son was born, I found myself calling him the original name all the time, because that is what his first mother had been calling him. After all the naming drama, I actually had to get used to his new first name we all had chosen together. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/2784/">Amy5063</a> on Aug 25, 2012 at 2:30am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23309"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/2784/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Amy5063" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>I guess I should have said “spouse” instead of “husband” in my previous comment. You know what I mean! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/2784/">Amy5063</a> on Aug 25, 2012 at 2:33am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23312"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/12915/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="katiesue" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>“I hate my daughter�s name HATE HATE HATE. It�s spelled wrong, point blank. My biggest regret is not changing my little girl�s name to something we liked. Everyone in my family has a family name and our daughter is the only one that doesn�t. 2 years later I think about it everyday.”</p> <p>I’‘ve found that when I’ve met someone whose name I didn’t really like, and then grown very fond of that person, I’ve often found that I actually grow to like their name a lot more because of my fondness for that person. I’m sorry that hasn’t happened for you. </p> <p>�You can�t have a stranger dictating your families life.�</p> <p>I will never get to meet my bmom because she has already passed away. However, she will never to be a “stranger” to me because, let’s face it, we were inseparable for 9 months. She is part of what “makes me me” even if I will never really know exactly to what extent. However, I am in contact with met my bfamily and it does seem that I am rather more like her than I expected and also I can see that I’m very similar to bfamily in many ways. If I hadn’t been born to my bmom and was born to another bmom, I would be a very different person as it is not just nuture that has made me the way I am, nature has played a major role. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/12915/">katiesue</a> on Aug 25, 2012 at 3:18am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23316"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/9782/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="dawnagin" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>We adopted my nieces girls when they were 3 and 4. I wasnt fond of the older girls name but was able to shorten it into an acceptable name. Our younger daughters name I HATED. To make matters worse it was an old out dated name and happened to be the name of a family member that was always unkind to me. BPs asked me to consider not changing the names and we did, but in the end that name had to go. Concern over our daughter being stressed with a name change at nearly 3 years old would have been the only thing to convince me to keep it. We actually asked our daughter if she wanted her name to be Molly, or Emma, or ......etc…. she said no to all names until she picked out one. We feel good that although we werent able to keep the original name for my niece, she can have comfort knowing that her/our daughter picked it herself. Neither one of the girls had any trouble at all adjusting to the new name. We also changed her middle name to Ohana. If you’ve ever watched “Lilo and Stitch” you’ll remember that “Ohana, means family and family means that nobody get’s left behind”. After nearly 2 years the BPs are now used to the name, and I feel like we did the right thing. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/9782/">dawnagin</a> on Aug 25, 2012 at 6:02am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23318"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/13458/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="jltampafl" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Everyone accepts that the birthmother is in an emotional state, they fail to understand (or remember) how emotional it is for the adoptive parents as well. My advise would be not to put too much importance on the name, I have a feeling it’s as much about fear of not getting the placement and the nameing issue is just how you’re expressing your anxiety. My daughter was over a year old when we met her and had a name I had never heard of and could not pronounce. I had a name picked out but got very emotional when I realized it was literally the only thing she owned and that it was gift from her birth mother I learned pronounce it as close to correctly as possible for me. She had many opportunities to shorten it but even though her friend, teachers—practically everyone mispronounced it she kept it and became adept at politely correcting people. She is a grown woman now and at times will still ask if I really believe her birthmother named her. The name did not turn out to be important as the love I felt was attached to it. My daughter is glad we kept the original name. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/13458/">jltampafl</a> on Aug 25, 2012 at 8:36am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23319"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/52/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_52-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Colorado Mama" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>We were matched with a couple who wanted to name the baby Clover if a girl and Thor if a boy. I couldn’t see using either of those names. We were really opposed to Thor, to be honest, and praying for a girl as the best of the two options. The name-game with them became a big stressful headache. In the end, they gave us a list of names and we chose one that was the best option in our opinion, even though we didn’t care for the name. Let’s call it “Terry” - it’s a unisex name. They had a boy and we referred to him as Terry for the first 4 days of his life (and it did feel weird using that name, we weren’t used to it). It turns out that situation fell through - the parents had a change of heart on the day we were to bring Terry home.</p> <p>Fast-forward 1 year.. we recently adopted a newborn girl. We were prepared to use any name that was given to her. Ironically, her BPs chose the name Terry for her name. Of all names! When I heard this, my skin crawled. It evoked not only the whole dreaded name-game that we had in the previous situation, but also the stressful feelings of that placement falling through. It would have been the last name in the world we would have wanted. We considered keeping it as her first name, and we called her by that name for the 2 days before we brought her home, but it felt too raw. We did look up the meaning though, and it means “courageous” which is how we feel about her birthparents. In the end, we did make Terry her middle name and change her first name to one that was very meaningful to our family. We told the birthparents this and they were very understanding. They said that we’re the ones who have to use it every day and we need to love it. **We never did tell her birthparents that the name Terry has such bad connotations for us, we didn’t want to put the name down or hurt their feelings in that way. We kept the explanation brief and they were ok with it. </p> <p>I still don’t love her middle name but I LOVE that it was a gift from her BPs, whom we have an open adoption with. This is a great gift to our daughter. And if she chooses to go by her middle name as she grows, more power to her! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/52/">Colorado Mama</a> on Aug 25, 2012 at 9:50am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23373"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14413/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="leighbkc" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>When we adopted our daughter, her BM gave her a name that she choose on her original birth certificate and then we gave her a name on her birth certificate when we adopted her. It is a part of her story and she knows that her BM named her differently. She has a doll that she calls the other name. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14413/">leighbkc</a> on Aug 27, 2012 at 7:27pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23384"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/10862/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_10862-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Genevieve's Mom" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Matt - congratulations to you at this every exciting time. I think we can all tell you’re trying to do what is right. Yes, a name is super important so I hope however this turns out that the kid gets a decent name that won’t predispose them to a career at a fast-food drive thru!</p> <p>I also hope that baby cooks a little longer and is born healthy and that everyone is satisfied with the placement.</p> <p>Our daughter turned 3 yesterday. This is the first year her BM (of course I mean birthmother, there has never been an adoptive parent in history to think of a birthmother as a bowel movement.) didn’t keep her commitment to her annual reunion. This is also the first year that I didn’t spend the whole day reflecting upon the fact that my kid is adopted. She was just my kid. </p> <p>We chose her name, and our birthfamily was kind enough to list it on her birth certificate along with our last name. We gave her a middle name that started with the same letter has her biological siblings middle names in acknowledgement of their selfless gift to us and to her.</p> <p>I hope your story turns out beautifully. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/10862/">Genevieve's Mom</a> on Aug 27, 2012 at 10:36pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23388"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/12936/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="TJ" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>I had only one boy name and when we found out it was the same as the birthfather (who made some VERY bad choices) I knew we needed a new name. It wasn’t easy but I am thrilled with the name we finally chose. We used a name the birthmother liked for the middle name and everyone is happy. </p> <p>I couldn’t name our boy the same name as his birhtfather and cause his birthmother pain. Choosing a new name wasn’t easy (I LOVE the name we had), but I am so glad we did and the new name fits our boy perfectly. </p> <p>Good luck with your situation. Names aren’t easy but hopefully you can all work something out. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/12936/">TJ</a> on Aug 28, 2012 at 1:09am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23393"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/1173/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_1173-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Samsmommy" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Matt- First, I am so happy you were able to work it out with her and you can both be happy with the names!! Second, you must be dying….she will be here soon!!! Third, way to go!!! Awesome on sticking to you morals and not letting that go out the window as some had suggested. You handled it great! Good luck in the coming days, hope the emom and baby are safe and healthy. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/1173/">Samsmommy</a> on Aug 28, 2012 at 3:48am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23578"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/1173/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_1173-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Samsmommy" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>In Texas, (not sure if the process is the same in your state), the birth mother nammed the baby and placed that name on the birth certificate, BUT when we filed the petition for adoption in court (after rights were terminated OR to be safe, when you file the Order Granting Adoption (at the finalization) that�s what the attorneys office uses to file for the new birth certificate with your names as parents. At that point you can ask the judge (in the petition or order) for the name change to your name. At that point, the birth mother no longer has no more rights.</p> <p>I KNOW it�s not the most ethical thing to do, but my reasoning behind it is this: <br /> 1) for you - it is more important for you to get that child than to risk losing it over a name. <br /> 2) for you - when birth mother is not around you can call the baby your name from the start. The baby is too young to even know the difference. <br /> 3) for birth mom - she is revved up on pregnancy hormones right now and is emotional when making decisions. If you are planning an open adoption she will find out at some point about the name change and will inevitably be upset. You have to accept that and let her deal with her emotions and she will eventually come to realize that the name for the baby is not that big of a deal.</p> <p>Flournoy Family~ It doesn’t matter what you have been through during your adoption journey, you should NEVER be unethical when it comes to a child’s welfare. Being unethical (your own admission) has no place in adoption! NONE! Please re-evaluate before you go on to adopt again. Before you answer and say what you said to katiesue, yes it is for support but I will never sit by see ethics being thrown out of the window and not say something. Remember this is about a child,a human being and his/her very real parents who will most certainly care whether you lie or not just to get what you want. I beg you to reconsider ever doing this in the future. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/1173/">Samsmommy</a> on Aug 31, 2012 at 4:33am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23619"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/13157/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="EST" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>So sad to see some of these replies. MedicMatt- I am so glad you are doing the right ethical thing. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/13157/">EST</a> on Sep 01, 2012 at 2:06am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23626"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/13157/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="EST" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>It is- you want her to go as close to term as possible- it is much healthier for the baby. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/13157/">EST</a> on Sep 01, 2012 at 4:17am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23631"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/9599/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="sls" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Our son was a month early; so the longer they can safely hold off the better (Dr’s know best). He was 5.1 pds and wasn’t able to bottle feed. He was in the hospital about 12 days. I don’t think I ever held anything that tiny except for a little kitten/puppy. Fortunately everything else was fine - he was/is very healthy. Now he is in the 78-80% for height and weight. Hang tight, sounds like the baby is ready to face the world (already trying to push the system…) :O) </p> <p>s </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/9599/">sls</a> on Sep 01, 2012 at 4:59am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23652"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/1173/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_1173-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Samsmommy" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>I keep coming to check to see if the baby was born, I thought for sure from what you said on previous post. Glad she’s hanging tight for health reasons, sorry for you, I know it’s torture! Lol! Praying both girls are healthy and all goes smoothly!! Hope you post to let us all know <img src="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/images/smileys/smile.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" /> </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/1173/">Samsmommy</a> on Sep 01, 2012 at 10:52pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23721"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/10862/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_10862-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Genevieve's Mom" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Same here… Matt I hope you will update us. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/10862/">Genevieve's Mom</a> on Sep 04, 2012 at 11:42pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23802"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/13157/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="EST" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Dr. s don’t always know best- I am a safe birth advocate and OB doctors do some really outrageous things- ok- rant over <img src="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/images/smileys/smile.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" /> also those scans where they say they can tell you the weight are nortoriously wrong! The longer the baby can stay in the womb the better tho- in most cases. <img src="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/images/smileys/smile.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" /><br /> Also awaiting news for you. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/13157/">EST</a> on Sep 07, 2012 at 5:10am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23822"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/12670/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="pepperth" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Congrats. I’d stock up on some meals as well. That first week we didn’t have much time to think about meals. My parents ordered lots of pizza at the end of the first week and it was a Godsend. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/12670/">pepperth</a> on Sep 08, 2012 at 5:41am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23896"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/9608/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_9608-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="threebirds" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>So exciting! Wishing the best for everyone on this journey. Nice name by the way! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/9608/">threebirds</a> on Sep 11, 2012 at 10:53pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-23973"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14469/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="sunkissed" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Congratulations! Glad everyone is doing well, you’ll be in our thoughts and prayers and I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for all of you. What a beautiful name! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14469/">sunkissed</a> on Sep 13, 2012 at 7:23am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-24010"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/1173/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/member_photos/photo_1173-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Samsmommy" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>:D So glad both girls are safe and sound! Best wishes to all in the coming days. </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/1173/">Samsmommy</a> on Sep 14, 2012 at 4:16pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-24018"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/9599/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="sls" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>I was thinking about you over the weekend and very excited to see you post. Love the name. Congratulations to your family! </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/9599/">sls</a> on Sep 14, 2012 at 5:41pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-24228"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/482/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="Becky" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>What a beautiful name for your little girl! Congratulations <img src="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/images/smileys/grin.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="grin" style="border:0;" /> </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/482/">Becky</a> on Sep 21, 2012 at 5:02pm</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment" id="reply-24329"> <div class="comment-image"> <a href="/members/profile/14327/"> <img src="/images/sized/images/site_images/default-user-40x40.jpg" width="40" height="40" alt="kathleen14" /> </a> </div> <div class="comment-text"> <p>Congrats! It’s great to read the happy news! <img src="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/images/smileys/smile.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" /> </p> <div class="comment-meta">Posted by <a href="/members/profile/14327/">kathleen14</a> on Sep 23, 2012 at 2:54am</div> </div> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <div class="bumper"></div> <div class="comment-form"> <h4>Reply to this thread</h4> <p><i>You must be logged in to reply. To login, <a href="/site/login/groups/topic/Match_Complication...Need_Advice/">click here</a>.</i> Not a member? <a href="/members/join/">Join AdoptiveFamiliesCircle</a> today. 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target="_blank"><font color="#404040">About International Adoption</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.theadoptionguide.com/options/adoption-from-china.php" target="_blank"><font color="#404040">China Adoption</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.theadoptionguide.com/options/adoption-from-russia.php" target="_blank"><font color="#404040">Russia Adoption</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.theadoptionguide.com/options/adoption-from-ethiopia.php" target="_blank"><font color="#404040">Ethiopia Adoption</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.theadoptionguide.com/options/adoption-from-korea.php" target="_blank"><font color="#404040">Korea Adoption</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.theadoptionguide.com/options/adoption-from-kazakhstan.php" target="_blank"><font color="#404040">Kazakhstan Adoption</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.theadoptionguide.com/options/adoption-from-india.php" target="_blank"><font color="#404040">India Adoption</font></a><br> <font color="#404040">More</font> <a href="http://www.theadoptionguide.com/options/international-adoption" target="_blank"><font color="#404040">Adoption Countries</font></a><br> <td width="190"> <b>Adoption Groups</b><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Transracial_Families/"><font color="#404040">Transracial Adoption Group</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/U.S._Adoptive_Families/"><font color="#404040">U.S. Adoption Group</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/U.S._Newborn_Waiting_Parents/"><font color="#404040">U.S. Newborn Waiting Group</font></a><br> <a href="/groups/group/U.S._Foster_Adoption_Waiting/"><font color="#404040">Foster Adoption Waiting Group<font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Older_Parents/"><font color="#404040">Older Parents Adoption Group</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/New_to_Adoption/"><font color="#404040">New to Adoption Group</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/U.S._Foster_Adoptive_Families/"><font color="#404040">Foster Adoption Group</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Open_Adoption_Families/"><font color="#404040">Open Adoption Group</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Christian_Adoptive_Families/"><font color="#404040">Christian Adoptive Families</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Single_Parents/"><font color="#404040">Single Parent Adoption Group</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Older_Child_Adoption/"><font color="#404040">Older Child Adoption Group</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Guatemala_Adoptive_Families/"><font color="#404040">Guatemala Adoption Group</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/China_Adoptive_Families/"><font color="#404040">China Adoption Group</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/group/Korea_Adoptive_Families/"><font color="#404040">Korea Adoption Group</font></a><br> <font color="#404040">See All</font> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/"><font color="#404040">Adoption Groups</font></a></td> <td width="190"> <b>Adoption Photo Contests</b><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/photos/album/C58/"><font color="#404040"><i>AF</i> Cover Contest</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/photos/album/C59/"><font color="#404040">Readers' Choice Contest</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/photos/album/C61/"><font color="#404040">Holiday Photo Contest</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/photos/album/C60/"><font color="#404040">Halloween Photo Contest</font></a><br> <font color="#404040">See All</font> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/photos/"><font color="#404040">Adoption Photo Albums</font></a><br> <br> <b>Adoption Forums</b><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/forums/viewforum/2/"><font color="#404040">Infertility and Adoption</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/forums/viewforum/10/"><font color="#404040">New to Adoption</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/forums/viewforum/11/"><font color="#404040">Paying for Adoption</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/forums/viewforum/14/"><font color="#404040">Domestic Adoption Forum</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/forums/viewforum/32/"><font color="#404040">Foster Adoption Forum</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/forums/viewforum/17/"><font color="#404040">International Adoption Forum</font></a><br> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/forums/viewforum/41/"><font color="#404040">Transracial Adoption Forum</font></a><br> <font color="#404040">See All</font> <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/forums/"><font color="#404040">Adoption Forums</font></a><br> </tr> </table></div> </div> <div id="footer-bottom" style="font-size : 10pt"> <b><a href="http://www.newhopemedia.com" target="_blank">The New Hope Media Network</a></b>: <a href="http://www.additudemag.com" target="_blank"><i>ADDitude</i></a> | <a href="http://www.additudemag.com/directory/index.html" target="_blank">ADHD Directory</a> | <a href="http://www.adoptivefamilies.com"><i>Adoptive Families</i></a> | <a href="http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com">AdoptiveFamiliesCircle</a> | <a href="http://www.theadoptionguide.com" target="_blank">The Adoption Guide</a> | <a href="http://adoptivefamilies.com/youcanadopt.php/"><i>You Can Adopt</i></a><br> <br> © 1999-2013 Adoptive Families Magazine <a 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