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Letter to Bio Parent


Hi, I’m new to the group and an looking for advice. Our open adoption recently has gone through and one of the agreements is that we need need to provide the bio parent with a yearly letter about the child. I’m not sure how to start this letter, what to include or not include. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Although we have an open adoption, we do have very limited contact requirements.

Replies

I guess developmental milestones. baby is rolling over and loves her peas. She is happy and loves to play peek a boo. She is doing great

SHe is one now and walking. She loves her balls and stuffed toys. Her hair is all curly now and the MD says she is doing great at her well baby check up. She did not like her shots but no problem once home

in other words the child is developing, happy, doing well. What would you want to know?
Start out Dear names like Harry and Sally

Posted by Regina on Jul 24, 2019 at 9:36pm

There will be so many more milestones and things to say in the first year so you might consider sending more than one letter…

I always tried for a very conversational tone ie I can’t believe she is 4 months already!  She is such a good eater etc…

My child’s birth father particularly liked to hear about shoe size LOL.  Later when they were learning to ride a bike I used to take videos on my phone and text to them.  We didn’t start off that open but it evolved there.  I’m so thankful that I was in touch a lot when she was small because her birth father had a stroke a year ago why my DC was only 11 yrs.

We have little to fear from the birth parents and the little nuggets of info share mean so much. As the years go by so many things can change (marriage, death, incarceration etc) and we may lose touch with the birth parents.

When getting photos made I always got a set for the birth parents just like I would for the grandparents.

Posted by YokoMama on Jul 25, 2019 at 1:32am

We decided to think of the birth parents as people who love and adore our child as much as we do. Friends and family can be excited but eventually you have to care about their kids too. With birth parents we can talk about our mutual daughter all the time and none of us get bored with it! smile So brag on that baby in a way that you might hold back on with others. Talk about how wonderful and brilliant the baby is how you are so amazed by everything happening. And talk about the poop color and the crying all night and what she will and won’t eat. I had several email updates about my daughter’s poop when she was a baby (it was what was happening at that moment) and was apologizing to birth mom because it seemed like such a weird thing to share and she probably didn’t care but she said she knew that was part of baby and was happy even to hear about that. I think she liked hearing about the hard parts of raising a baby as much as the good parts. I was careful not to complain but to just be real about all the parts.

I agree with above who said to maybe do more than one letter the first year because so much happens. Or keep a journal and jot down fun stories to share at the end of the year.

We have a significantly more open relationship than what you are describing and my daughter is a teenager now. Honestly, puberty almost kicked all our butts, although we are getting stablized. Having her birthmom to share what is happening, what we were dealing with and going through, someone who understands and cares as much as I do about this teenage girl and who (thankfully) has fully supported us along the way has been such a gift. So worth those first hard, awkward years of developing the relationship.

Posted by Isabelle's Mom on Jul 25, 2019 at 9:42pm

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