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Hi, we are soon traveling to visit with our 6 year old son’s birth mom and kids. We have always had a very open adoption and try to see one another every 18 months or so. Since our last visit BM has had another baby (3 older than our guy, now 1 younger).

We have told him about the new baby, but not certain how much he understands that he is also a sibling. And we expect that this may be harder for him to accept (that he was placed for adoption but new baby was not) because she felt she was unable to care for another baby as a single mom.

One note: dad of new baby had been in the picture for a while but is now also gone.

Any words of wisdom would be appreciated on how to broach this subject.

Replies

Be honest in an age appropriate way, and expect to keep explaining it and adding more details.

The fact that she was a single mom when she placed your son, but wasn’t a single mom when she had baby no. 4 is a very important fact, emphasize it.

The fact that baby no. 4’s father subsequently left should be addressed as your son brings it up, and talk about how at that point his birth mother had already made the choice to parent and was in a different position than she was when your son was born. Emphasize that it was not a choice based on the baby, but the situation that the adult was in and the adult(s) ability to be a parent to that number of children at the time, and birth mom wanted to best life for all the babies, and when your son was born, she chose you to be his mom because that was giving him the best life.

Posted by seklock on Nov 06, 2018 at 4:23pm

Thank you for your advice!

Posted by Louise15 on Nov 09, 2018 at 1:35am

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