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Interesting dilemma


Hi Everyone, my husband and I have an interesting dilemma.  An acquaintance of mine approached me, knowing we’ve been waiting to adopt, and offerred to be a surrogate for our child.  I am not physically able to have a child, but my husband is able.  This “friend” said she would be willing to do intrauterine insemination without the aid of medication.  She is established in her career and old enough to be making this decision on her own and has her own child.  We are currently working with an agency and I’m not sure how they would assist us with this possible adoption.  Would it be considered a private or independent adoption?  I know we would need to have some paperwork drawn up before we embark on this, if we decide to, but I’m not sure if the agency will agree to this.  Plus, if my husband is the donor, I’m guessing the adoption would only be on my end, since I am not genetically linked to the baby??  Any advice would be helpful.  We are currently debating this and we know the risks and know that this is not a sure thing, but we are willing to make it work.  Thanks!

Replies

Hi, I think you need to do research about surrogacy. Basically she is offering to be surrogate and use her own eggs. This will be surrogacy and ART, the adoption agency will likely not be involved at all… you should go to your RE if you have one, to discuss how this will work.
Good luck!
Jessica

Posted by babydreams on Feb 20, 2012 at 6:13am

This would be considered a traditional surrogacy (when the egg is provided by the woman carrying the child) rather than adoption.  Normally the surrogate undegoes a medical and psych evaluation to make sure she is fit - both as an egg donor and psychologically prepared for surrogacy.  Generally all of you would discuss the nuances of using her eggs with a therapist that specializes in surrogacy. It is known as traditional surrogacy where the egg is from the surrogate.  However, if your infertility is related to your ability to carry a pregnancy vs. a problem with your eggs,  then perhaps you and your husband could do a IVF cycle, then transfer the embryos (with both of your genetics) to the surrogate?  That is known as gestational surrogacy and is a bit more common these days (although I am not in any way discouraging you doing traditional surrogacy, just offering it as another potential option).   

You can contact me offline and I can give you resources to attorneys or agencies who handle surrogacies, since the laws vary by state as to what is allowed, you need someone who is familiar with the laws in your state and who can tell you legally how it is processed.  I do not know of any traditional adoption agencies that deal with those cases.

Posted by IVF Traveler on Feb 20, 2012 at 6:21am

“However, if your infertility is related to your ability to carry a pregnancy vs. a problem with your eggs,  then perhaps you and your husband could do a IVF cycle, then transfer the embryos (with both of your genetics) to the surrogate?  That is known as gestational surrogacy and is a bit more common these days (although I am not in any way discouraging you doing traditional surrogacy, just offering it as another potential option). “

I think the gestation surrogacy (as described above) would be better if possible.

I for one would discourage you from the traditional route.

You need to do a lot of research first whatever the case, particularly from the point of view those born via the above method.

Posted by catherinenz on Feb 14, 2016 at 8:31pm

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