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Husband's biological son


Hello everyone,
I am new to this site and to adoption. We are a fmily of 3: me, DH and DS (12 y.o.). Recently my husband discovered he has one more son (15 y.o.). The boy is right now placed in a group home, for last ten years he was considered an orphan and as soon as my DH found him, there’s no doubt we will try to adopt him. I have never considered adopting a child for myslef, life was busy with other things, but here we are, and I have no idea what to expect… from the process, from the boy, too…

Replies

Sorry, the message got posted before I have finished it.
So, I just wanted to ask, if anyone has faced such a situation, do we have to become a foster family for the boy first, or we can straight forward apply for adoption? And, I guess there will be lots of paperwork in any case, if we would like to take the boy from the group home to our home, should we wait for the approval for adoption (or to become foster parents first), or the boy can stay with us while we collect the required?
I guess my DH has to address most of these questions to group home and adopting agency, but I think some opinion of experienced people won’t hurt and I am beforehand thankful for the replies.

Posted by Sharmila on Sep 21, 2017 at 12:56am

If he is the bio father there is probably no reason to adopt. CAll the custodial agency and ask for a meeting. Get a Family Attorney and know if he is in a group home he may have significant issues.

If he is available for adoption I don’t think you have to be foster parents. What is his legal status? What happened to the birth mother? Did they think the birth father was unknown? A DNA test can prove it.

I would get an attorney as well as talk to the custodial agency.

Did your husband never know he was the father? Who told hin he was? IS he?

Posted by Regina on Sep 21, 2017 at 1:03am

Regina, thank you for the reply and advices.

Long story short, we live far away from places where DH was dating that woman and where she lived, they broke up before the boys’ birth and she passed away few years later. I guess she didn’t mention father in boys’ documents, so the news took a very long route to find us. The DNA test is going to be taken, of course.

You mentioned the boy may have some issues if he is in a group home, and this worries me already. All the various “what if’s” are running through my head now…

Posted by Sharmila on Sep 23, 2017 at 2:10am

I am sure the agency will share with you once a plan is made.It would be interesting to know where he was for those ten years…a series of foster homes? With relatives? or in a group home the whole time?

Even if he were not in a group home a child who lost their mom at age 5 and lived wherever for 10 years will have some issues. So sad.

Posted by Regina on Sep 23, 2017 at 3:11am

DNA confirmed paternity, and there is really no need of adoption, the boy will be reuniting with DH as his biological father. I’m still not sure what result I was hoping for, but there’s no other option now, anyway.

Healthwise, thankfully, the boy is fine, he was placed in several foster families before finally landing in the group home, and he is told to have a history of runaways and unexpected agression. That’s a first glimpse of what I know about the boy for now, and then DH said that he is rather quiet than agressive in any way, so I hope we will be able to handle it. They will return together in a while, the documents for the boy will take some time to prepare.

Posted by Sharmila on Oct 07, 2017 at 12:44am

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