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Adoption as a First Choice

How to Describe Adoption as a First Choice in our Profile Book?


Hi and thanks to everyone in this group.  Sometimes I feel like the only person that has chosen adoption as a first choice, even though I know there are others out there. 
  I understand 100% that people come to adoption through many paths.  For me, since I was a teen, it’s always seemed as natural to want to parent a child that is here in this world or about to be born, as it seems for others to want to have biological children.  I’m in my late 30’s and still feel this way.
  At one point, my husband thought about having biological children. We’ve been together over 15 years and had a lot of time to talk about growing our family.  He understands my hope to adopt and we’re at a point in our lives where he’s super excited about adoption too.
  We looked into the different paths to adoption and have signed up with a private agency that connects people hoping to adopt and pregnant women considering an adoption plan (here in the US).  One of the steps in this process is creating a picture profile book that would be shared with pregnant women. The main focus of the book seems to be the pictures, but there is some text.  I’m considering at least mentioning in the profile that adoption is our first choice because I do not want to mislead anyone. If it is important to the pregnant woman that her child is placed with a couple that has not been able to have biological children, I would want her to know that we have not tried to have biological children.  (The agency said that this is important for about 10% of pregnant women they work with, considering an adoption plan.)
  Has anyone been in a similar situation? Does anyone have any suggestions on the wording or how (in very few words) I can explain that adoption is my first choice? Or do we leave it out of the profile book and ask the social worker working with the pregnant woman to mention this, if the pregnant woman is interested in learning more about us?
  I appreciate your supportive thoughts and suggestions. Thank You.

Replies

I understand. We put: Robyn has always wanted to build her family through adoption, and Max added the desire to adopt a child of any race from here in the US.

It can also be important to expectant parents that adoption isn’t second best for the PAPs.

Posted by rredhead on Apr 09, 2013 at 7:57pm

I’d leave it out and cross that bridge if it comes up when you meet.

Posted by singlewannaadopt on Apr 09, 2013 at 8:02pm

We recently adopted about 10 weeks ago and were in a similar situation.  There really isn’t a right answer, but we decided to keep it vague, knowing that the agency we work with would screen us out if the expectant mother really wanted to match with a family that could not have biological children. I remember laboring over our profile book and we changed it several times before we were chosen.  The funny part was that the expectant mother chose us based on our original book, which I felt at the time was far inferior.  In the end it just didn’t matter.  You can put it in or you can leave it out.  You do the best you can with your book and relax.  smile  Good luck!

Posted by 76sarah on Apr 09, 2013 at 8:39pm

For me I have also always known I wanted to adopt, it was never a plan B for me, it wasn’t about being pregnant it was about being a mother; whichever the road God chose for me. This is what I told my Bmom and she understood and liked what I had to say.

Posted by blumoon1919 on Apr 09, 2013 at 9:13pm

We said “it soon became clear that adoption was the best option for us.”  We would have answered questions if the expectant parents asked, but they did not.  It is true that some emoms do like the idea of placing their baby with a family that has struggled to have bio children, but that isn’t true for all EP’s.  I don’t think you have to go into that kind of detail in your profile book.  If your reason for adopting is important to the emom, she will let you know. 

When I made our profile books, I used mostly pictures, with just enough words/text to fill in the details.  I thought the pictures did a better job of showing who we were and what our life was like. (We also had a “Dear Birthmother” letter).  I will tell you the most important thing is to be yourself, in your letter, profile book, and in all your interactions.  You cannot predict what about you will be important to the expectant mother/parents.  Our son’s birthparents loved that my husband had coached football.  With our second adoption, I worried that all the pictures of our son might turn off an emom, maybe she would think we had no room for another child, but our daughter’s birthmother said she loved that our son was at the center of everything.  (She also loved that my husband stood up for her when she got up and then again when she came back to the table.  He always does that, it wasn’t an act, but it meant a lot to her).  You just won’t know until you get a match, so present yourselves honestly in a big picture way and don’t get hung up on the details; be ready to answer questions when they come up.

Good luck!

Posted by jszmom on Apr 10, 2013 at 9:59pm

Thanks for sharing your stories and advice/thoughts. 
:>

Posted by Sunflowers1 on Apr 15, 2013 at 5:53am

We put in one sentence that said something like ” before we got married we always knew we wanted to adopt.”  It was true and if anyone had asked we would have been glad to go into more detail.

Posted by sassypants on Apr 16, 2013 at 5:52am

I think if you want to include that language you should. I also agree that it will come out in conversations. I may have included “first choice” language in my portfolio but I’d have to go back and look at it. Good luck.

Posted by MNUT on Apr 17, 2013 at 10:26pm

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