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Hello! I'm new here! Overwhelmed!

Hi! I live in CT. My hubby and I have been married 2 years and have endured 3 miscarriages so far. We’ve always had it in our hearts to adopt and feel that this is how God has planned our family to get it’s start! With that said…we’ve file the preliminary paperwork and were informed there were no children in our state within the age range we selected for adoption only. So my question is how difficult is the process of adopting out of state? We were seeking to go thru DCF here due to the financial piece of it but may otherwise need to go thru a private agency. Has anyone used gofundme for financial assistance? It’s just overwhelming the cost, so worth it obviously, but not readily available. Being 41 and nearly 36, we feel time is of the essence for our sweet child to have a normal and active childhood! Any advice?


Hi! We’re in RI and we also had lots of mcs. We’re adopting on Tuesday through our DCF after having over daughter for over 2 years as a foster family. What’s your age range? We met our dd as a toddler. We were matched a few months after being licensed.

Posted by Supdub on Feb 27, 2017 at 3:19am

The younger the child is the more families there are. Most people who adopt from foster care go the foster/adopt route if they want a young child. Most children (70% or so) who come into care go back to the bio family. Of the children adopted from foster care most (60% or so) are adopted by their foster parents. The likelihood that another state has a child under 5 with no birth family, foster family or waiting family is slim.

That being said it all depends on who you are talking About…a single child? a sibling group? a child with a severe medical issue? a minority child?

There are 107,918 foster children eligible for and waiting to be adopted. In 2014, 50,644 foster kids were adopted — a number that has stayed roughly consistent for the past five years. The average age of a waiting child is 7.7 years old and 29% of them will spend at least three years in foster care.Dec 8, 2015

So a school aged child might be more available, a sibling group is often more available.

I would go to the foster state/county whatever meetings, education and see what is what. It takes several years to get permanent custody so an infant coming into care might be 3 by the time you can adopt.You might want to go here to get more info. Becoming a foster parent with the realization the child may be reunified but if not adopting the child is the way to adopt a young child from care. I know many families who have done that but may have had 3-4 placements before a child they fostered became available.
Best of luck

Posted by Regina on Feb 27, 2017 at 3:37am

when you adopt from foster care social workers hate to adopt across state lines, lots of paperwork involved and financial incentives to keep kids in state. they will only place a child across state lines as a last resort if they can’t find a family in-state to adopt the child. and they have no trouble placing young, healthy children in state unless the child has extreme behavioral issues or is part of a large sibling group (large meaning at least 3 kids but more likely 4 and up). I have adopted one child out of state and am in the process of adopting again (just waiting for the paperwork to be done so my new little one can come home). my first daughter was 4 when i brought her home and my new daughter is currently 18 months, but both of my children have severe medical needs. it was not easy; it took over 2 years to get my homestudy, find my daughter, and bring her home the first time and I am over 3 years into it this time, and she still isn’t home yet. I found both my children on the adoptuskids photolisting site. you should check it out to get an idea of the number and type of children available, keeping in mind that they don’t usually tell you the childs behavioral/emotional problems in the initial profile. even on the site, I sent out several dozens of inquiries about children both times and never heard back on the vast majority of them, and most of the rest I was told “sorry, but we are looking to stay instate.” once matched, the paperwork took 3 months the first time and so far we are up to 3 months this time. it can be costly, not as bad as a private infant adoption but more expensive than adopting from foster care in state. sometimes the child’s state or agency will help with some of the costs but other times they don’t help at all; this varies greatly even within the same state. also the fees from the adoption agency you will be working with can vary a lot, so do your research there. my first adoption I ended up having to come up with about $8k and this time I am looking at about $4k, plus travel. both times the childs agency required me to have two visits of a week each. once home, all states require that you go through a supervision period in which you are considered a foster parent, even though it is known that you will definitely be adopting the child. the minimum requirements vary by state and are based on the state where you live, although the childs state has the right to request further supervision. my state requires a minimum 6 month supervision period with a social worker visit once a month, but Oregon dragged their feet with the paperwork so it ended up being a full year before the adoption was actually finalized. So if you are open to older or special needs kids interstate adoption through foster care can work, but it is not fast or easy.

Posted by rn4kidz on Feb 27, 2017 at 3:50am

Just wanted to quickly weigh in to address one of your other questions regarding funding. Full disclosure we have no experience with foster care adoption, having built our family through international adoption. We adopted our son, almost 4, from China and we are in the process of adopting another child from India. We received wonderful grants through both our agency and independent sources. A lot of times your agency will have access to grants for which you can apply. There is everything from Seedling to Matching Grants to Travel Grants. Additionally I can not speak highly enough about Essentially it’s like GoFundMe for adoption. Everything everyone contributes is tax deductible then you get a check for that amount from the organization. I received an email they were recently on CNN so it’s a growing platform. Here’s the link: Through all of these measures we were able to cover 3/4 of our adoption cost. The rest we put on low interest credit cards (there are also low and no interest loans for adoption) which we then paid off with the $13,000 federal tax credit for adoption. You can apply it for up to 5 years and it makes a HUGE difference. Just something to think about as you’re figuring out finances. I hate that that’s part of this process but there are ways and means out there if you do a bit of research. Good luck!

Posted by jjplaywright on Feb 27, 2017 at 2:58pm

I’m an adoption consultant and just wanted to throw it out there that a consultant can help you weigh your different options & the pros/cons of each one and help you decide which is the right path for you (whether it ultimately involves using a consultant or not.)

Posted by TheAdoptionConsultancy on Feb 27, 2017 at 3:54pm

Thank you all so much for responding! Sorry it’s taken me some time to get back to you!! We have been discussing things and feel maybe we are boxing ourselves in as well as fate by putting extreme stipulations on the age and type of adoption. So we are mulling over the idea of 0-5 foster to adoption, no gender or race stipulation. Medical issues we know we could not accommodate at this time, and we’d want to give the best care we could and know that we could not financially support that post adoption at this time. Hope that doesn’t sound as bad as it does when I read it. Honestly we would cherish any child with medical issues biological or otherwise if we were in that situation! We have so much love to give and if we can just spread that and touch a child’s life for any length of time till we find our forever baby (ies) we will! We know there’s tons of heartache involved in that with goodbyes but we also know our forever child will cross our path when the time is right!

Posted by thisbutterfly81 on Mar 01, 2017 at 9:42pm

For sure the more open you are the more likely/sooner you will be matched. Don’t apologize for knowing your limits; it’s in no one’s best interest to take on more than you can handle, so it’s great to be aware of your strengths and weaknesses. It can be hard to turn down a match, but remember that the match you turn down is the blessing some one else has been waiting for When you foster, make it clear to your social worker you are willing to foster but your end goal is to adopt You can ask her to direct you to kids who have a lower level of legal risk .while there is uncertainty in all foster cases, some kids will most llikely go back to their parents, these would be considered high legal risk. Other times the worker will have good reason to believe the case may end in adoption, which would be lower risk. Also, kids adopted from foster care usually get free medical assistance until they are 18 (some states 21).. and children with special needs get an adoption subsidy; a monthly stipend until they turn 18. Amount varies by state but is based on severity of special needs. Special needs can be medical, behavioral, or emotional but sometimes older age, part of large sibling group, or exposure to substances in utero will qualify. breaks it down by state. Good luck in your adoption journey!

Posted by rn4kidz on Mar 01, 2017 at 10:56pm

The DCF social workers in Connecticut are very misleading. I know some families who were given children who they were told were adoptable. In one case, DCF found distant elderly relatives in Texas and paid them to take the children. They want the children to be with bio relatives even if they are distant bio relatives. In this situation, a little girl went to live with a family at two years of age. She bonded and became part of thst family. At four they moved her to Texas to be with distant relatives. I am also aware of other cases with DCF. I would not recommend working with them.

Posted by Annab on Mar 02, 2017 at 2:33am

It is very overwhelming! We ended up working with an agency but I also have a close friend who worked with a consultant she liked a lot and then found her “match” privately via the internet so she spent a lot less $ total than if she had gone the agency route. If I had to do it over again I think I might talk to a consultant first to get a better picture of all the options rather than having to do all the research myself. The woman she worked with is She’s an adoptive mom also so my friend felt like she was very empathetic about how hard the process is.

Posted by JDMM2012 on Jan 22, 2018 at 9:15pm

If child is in foster care they usually qualify to keep their medical card. Also they qualify (a few do not) for a monetary subsidy family or not. They are not paying you to take a child they are providing funds for the child’s needs.
DCF will look to birth family first because it is in the best interest of the child which is how they are supposed to operate.

Posted by Regina on Jan 23, 2018 at 2:20am

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