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Handling the bio information


Our daughter is of low IQ, obsesses on things, and we want to include bio info/pics in her lifebook… afraid though she may not cope well. Thoughts?

Replies

what info? does she already know? can you phrase it so she can understand it?

Posted by Regina on Mar 04, 2016 at 4:30pm

She’s your daughter and you know her best.  But it is her story.  You should write down sooner rather than later the details.  It may be rough for her but someday she may want to know.  I actually have two life books for my girls.  The ones we started while fostering which includes pictures and names of bios but not details.  Then I have a binder full of all the reports including a copy of their files we were given at adoption which includes painful things.  If you don’t want a separate book or have enough to fill one put the hard stuff in a sealed envelope in the back of her life book and if she asks tell her that’s the hard stuff for when she is older.

Posted by C3 on Mar 05, 2016 at 3:12am

I like that ida, thank you!

Posted by 2Mommas on Mar 05, 2016 at 3:21am

good book that might help

Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past Jul 30, 2000
by Betsy Keefer and Jayne E. Schooler

or

Lifebooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child Updated and RevisedSep 21, 2011
by Beth O’Malley M.Ed

Posted by Regina on Mar 05, 2016 at 3:17pm

I bought the O’Malley Lifebook for my daughter, even though she was adopted internationally as a teen not thru foster care. I loved that it acknowledges that they have a life before adoption.

I gave it to my daughter (who is very bright, but holds her feelings very close) on the same trip that I picked her up. We started to fill it out together. When it asked about friends she took from it that she now has NO friends, because she didn’t know anyone where she was moving to our home. We talked about this but it was clearly hugely anxiety producing and traumatic for her. So we never went any further.

A couple of months after being home she of her own accord pulled it out and started to fill in more. It was great to put her own history in with dates and perspective for her. Every once in awhile she pulls it out and on her own does more. I don’t push or ever suggest it, just let her decide when she wants to work on it. It has been a great starting point for discussion with us. I suspect she may go back and change and add to it over her life. I am really glad we have it. (But did want to mention that even though my daughter did not deal well at first, it has been a big help to her over time.)

Posted by Happy Camper on Mar 05, 2016 at 10:52pm
Posted by Happy Camper on Mar 05, 2016 at 10:52pm

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