well they still young I mean little, he is 4 yrs and the girl is 2 1/2 or 3 yrs. so if you have a bedroom that is next to yours place them in that room I will keep them in the same room for a little time, just into they get use to the environment of the home. the girl is a baby so she will get us to you very fast the boy may take little time but it all depend on your own kids and how they will accept that this kids are part of them as they are of you. your kids have to be a very important part of the transition of the new members of the family.

What an exciting time for your family!  There is every indication that such young children will do beautifully in an adoptive home… but the sorts of challenges you’ll face depend on what has happened in their short lives already.  What is the situation in the birth home?  How have they been treated?  Do they have a good bond with a birth parent or grandparent?  Have they been abused or neglected?  Were they born drug addicted ,etc. etc.  ??  All of these issues will effect how they transfer their love and bond to your family.  I wish you all the best!

First, do you have the history of the children, as this will help to determine how the sleeping arrangements should be made. Each child is unique, and a plan should be made with great thought.

Our two adopted boys were similar in age.  They were 4.5 and almost 3 when we adopted them.  (Our kids at home are 19, 13, 9, 8, 6, and 2 with the youngest 5 being adopted.)  From our experience, I would suggest you determine how you want things to be in your home and start out doing those things (if at all possible, obviously you may have to tweak what does and doesn’t work once they are home).  It’s too confusing for the kids to do it one way in the beginning, then change things up.  I know some may not agree, but I truly think routine and familiarity is key, especially during the initial bonding period.  It gives them a sense of security, which most adopted kids are sorely lacking.

With that said, I agree with the poster who suggested putting both kids in the same room in a bedroom near yours.  That is the route we went.  We decided to do that, then if one of the kids was scared we would sit on the floor by their bed until they fell asleep. (I know a lot of people are perfectly okay with it, but for us the family bed was not going to be an option.)

They fell into a pattern of sleep fairly quickly.  As far as bonding goes, the younger one was very quick in bonding.  The older one took a lot of time, especially with me.  As a result we had a lot of behavior issues with him acting out.  However, they both did go through a grieving period, which we didn’t try to rush them through. 

I would also set some “basic” ground rules (like no hitting, etc.) and let it be known from the beginning that you expect them to follow those rules.  Don’t overwhelm them with a list of “don’t"s but just the basics.  It’s much easier to enforce it from the beginning than to try to change things up once they have been home a year.

And though it is tempting, I would also NOT go overboard on toys at first.  It can be overwhelming for kids who have sensory issues.  Until you know if they have sensory issues or not, keep it pretty simple and basic.

As far as their history goes, find out all you can, but ultimately realize in time you might find out things no one ever revealed to you or some of that history that was given to you may be inacccurate or distorted.

Best of luck to you

If CPS was stepping in then something (neglect, abuse??) was going on. I doubt if the family will tell you but I would try to find out.
CAn you get history?Birth records? drug/alcohol involvement? The birth mom can not be securely attached or she would do what CPS wants rather than place her kids.
So who knows? They may have attachment issues may not. They will have grief issues and probably regress developmentally after all losing your birth mom and home is a big deal. Is there no one in birth family to step in? Do they have the same fathers? Are their rights terminated?
You need to decide how big the risk is and do you want to take it?
If you do I would read Toddler Adeoption by Hopkins Best

Very true.  Our youngest regressed in potty training, wasn’t fully potty trained until he was 4 1/2 :(

How exciting!  When we adopted our first two “older” girls they were both almost 3 1/2.  We, too, had a large bedroom, so we brought in a twin bed, put it against the wall with a baby rail on the side facing out and had the girls sleep in our bedroom for the first year.  They were small and both fit in the bed with heads on either end.  It worked well for us and was less scary for them, I’m sure.  We bought a big double stroller where they could sit side by side and went on a lot of family “walks”.  They loved it.
Have fun and don’t sweat the small stuff.

You really need more information about the background of the children. If the mom is placing to avoid CPS involvement, then there may be some more issues than if they were just being placed because of some family tragedy or other…
If the children have been shifted around from place to place, there will probably be attachment issues.
Placing the children in their rooms would be a better options than making little beds in your bedroom even if you need to stay in the floor by their beds for a while. It would just be another disruption to them to move them from your bedroom to theirs after getting them used to sleeping in your bedroom.  If there are neglect or abuse issues (again assuming that CPS would not be stepping if there were not) you will need to know so that you can assess their developmental delays, not expect them to act on their chronological age level, be prepared with a therapist who can help you help them settle in, etc.
Take a little time to think this through and try to prepare your other kids as well. You didn’t say whether the others were birth, adopted or a combination of the two. Birth kids may not be prepared for the possible behaviors if you haven’t adopted before.

We were placed with our four year old daughter back in October, and as anything in parenthood there are ups and downs.  I would not allow them to sleep in your room, it will be a tougher transition for them. What we did is sat in her room until she fell asleep. Then after a week we moved to the hallway right outside her door, then slowly moved futher down the hall until we were in the living room.  That whole thing took a month.  Then after two months were able to just go to our room.  They are old enough to understand what is going on.  What we did is explained the rules over and over and used picture board to remind her of the rules.  I am a firm believer that there is no 100% garantee way to do it, because every kid is different.

Daily routines are your best friend.  Not taking them out in public so often is also a great stress reliever many parents feel is worth it.  Choosing to have only a few guests in your home for a few months as the children may feel that your guests will take them away.  Such young ages need to learn quickly that you are their provider and comforter.

In December we had a 4 year old girl and a 3 year old boy placed in our home. They were with their foster mom for 2 and half years and did not have any idea they were not in a permanent situation. I would not have them in your room. You could have them share a room for a while though. I find that it helps them when they are feeling lonely at night, or unsure of their surroundings.
Start a specific bedtime ritual and be consistent. Always remind them that you are going to be with them forever.
Keep a picture of Bio mom for them. Be sure you can make copies if it is lost or destroyed.
Be prepared to just hold them while they cry. Sometimes they just need to cry, no amount of talking or consoling can help at those times.
Be flexible in your plans, some days will be better than others.
Enjoy them and hug them often

We brought home two children at the same time.

Maybe someone else has already mentioned it, but I found the book, The Connected Child http://www.amazon.com/Connected-Child-healing-adoptive-family/dp/0071475001

by David Cross & Wendy Sunshine to have the most up-to-date and helpful info on attachment with older children.

Congratulations and all the best,

xoElizabeth
http://www.adoptiongoddess.com

We adopted a 5 year old from an orphanage in Guatemala and were not prepared for the issues they may have.  Our son has major attachment disorders and was abused as a 2 year old.  I just wish we would have had some type of training available so we could know what to expect.  I understand that agencies do not know all the issues a child will have but training would have helped us.

I never understand how domestic older children (foster care) require education but international does not. Actually I thought the Hague said there needs to be education but I might be wrong.
It is not too late to be educated.
The book Parenting The Hurt Child has many ideas on how to parent a child with attachment difficulties.
Have you found a good therapist? You might try http://www.attach.org for ideas.

Hague definitely requires education! 10 hours’ worth! My husband and I adopted internationally (a 3 year old) from a Hague country and we had to go through the whole course, which covered many many of the attachment issues adopted children can have, how to deal with trauma, grieving, the cycles of met and unmet needs, positive discipline techniques, etc. It was very helpful. We also read a number of books on the subject: Toddler Adoption, which someone mentioned above was very good, and also Toddler Adoption: A Weaver’s Craft . . . which is out of print unfortunately, but still available at the library . . . it’s excellent. I agree with everyone who said routine is best . . . start things out the way you want things to be . . . in their own rooms, etc. Stability is over and above THE most important thing . . . don’t let pity infiltrate your parenting, it’s not doing them any service.

International does require education.  Almost all agencies and countries that I have heard of require this.  Maybe some social workers/agencies let this “slide”?????????  I don’t know.  If there are those who let it slide, they are not doing their families any favors.

We adopted from two Hague countries and both required extensive education.  Our agency also required additional training which included workbooks and in person seminars for the Hague countries’ adoptions.  Our social worker also had educational requirements we had to meet before she approved our home study, which included meeting with an adoption counselor before going into older child adoption.

We adopted the youngest from a non-Hague country and our agency and social worker STILL required the Hague training.

With that said, I think the most beneficial thing you can do for any adoption is to actually talk with other adoptive parents who have faced issues.  Have a support system lined up before you get home.  You’ll feel less isolated and alone when the issues come up.

For topics on older child adoption, attachment, etc, I would recommend the online courses offered at:

http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/index.cfm

We had to re-do our education credits to meet the Hague international requirements - so after doing them in person we did the online course from there.  It actually was not annoying to have to re-do it because the courses are good, and the resources they link you to are very extensive. 

I would recommend it, even if you don’t need the credits.  You can do the whole set of courses or choose lots of individual topics. 

I also downloaded a bunch of Creating a Family podcasts but have yet to listen to them.

Best wishes.

I have not adopted children this age but have transitioned many of this age to our house in foster care and then back home.  I agree completely with the other posters about routine and having a plan that works for your whole family and won’t need to be switched around every few days or so.  The sooner the children know what to expect, the sooner they will relax enough to start forming attachments.  Another thing to think about is your 9 year old.  If it would work to have the 3 of them share a room it might give the little ones more security and they will see how you as parents react with your 9 year old and also possibly head off separate family groups of “olders and youngers”  or an “us against them”.
Have fun with the “honeymoon” and you’ll know when the behaviors start to escalate that they feel safe enough to test you.  Blessings to your soon to be very full house!

I agree with lovebeingamom2, since I have had many foster children this age. My favorite two were a boy and his sister these ages, and it was so cute how he looked after his sister. I am jealous!

I posted this in newsgroup thought maybe some folks here would be interested. Good opportunity to learn.
I didn’t know where to post this as it is of interest to all…www.nacac.org
NACAC Is Offering Webinars on a Variety of Adoption Topics

In the coming months, NACAC will offer a number of webinars:

  Adoption Tax Credit by Josh Kroll — March 22, 2:30 p.m. central time
  Issues in Adoption Part I: Trauma, Loss, Attachment by Kim Stevens — April 17, 2:30 p.m. central time
  Issues in Adoption Part II: Adoption and Identity: Race and Culture, Siblings, Family Connections by Kim Stevens — April 25, 12:30 p.m. central time
  The Teen Years: Brain Development, Impact of Trauma on Growth, Strategies by Kim Stevens — May 9, 2:30 p.m. central time
  Youth Permanency: Model Programs and Strategies That Work by Kim Stevens — May 15, 12:30 p.m. central time
  Advocating for Your Family by Kim Stevens — June 11, 2:30 p.m. central time
  Advocating for System Improvement by Kim Stevens — June 14, 12:30 p.m. central time

Each webinar is $15 for NACAC members and $20 for non-members. Please note that all times listed are in the central time zone.