I just sent my daughter (domestic, adopted at birth) off to college this fall, and it was a journey!  She first thought she wanted to go to a school about 8 hours away, but once we did the tours, she decided that it was too far.  She ended up at a lovely school 4 hours away from home.  It is close enough to do the round trip in a day if needed (I have done it twice already), but far enough so she can feel truely away from home.  There is no way that I can “drop in for lunch”, but she can get home if she needs to.  It was a bit more diffucult since my husband passed away 2 years ago, and she knew that I would be very lonely.  We use texting and email to stay in touch, and it is going really well.

Four hours sounds perfect.  Your transition sounds ideal and it must have been hard for both you.  How did you end up making the college choice? Overnight visit? How frequently do you think your daughter will come home during the school year?
      I hope we can find a school that works that is two to four hours away. I’m sure our daughter is also worrying about leaving us “alone.”  We’re still looking.  Diversity is a challenge.  We think a diverse student body is important but our daughter is not terribly concerned about it. Other parents, however, have said that race plays more of a role in college than it did in high school. I can’t believe that these years have passed so quickly.

Our third child (adopted from foster care at age 12) has just started college only 45 minutes away from home.  (Our two sons—by birth—are in college and grad school, one a six hour drive away and one 3000 miles away on the other coast!!)  We are glad our daughter isn’t so far away because—since she came to us as an older child—-we haven’t had her very long!  (In other ways it feels she has always been OURS.)  She wanted to stay in-state for her undergrad education, but thinks she’ll venture farther afield for grad school (she’s thinking Law school).