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Gift for Birthmother


We are getting close to the due date and have read and heard about giving the birthmother something to commemorate the baby’s birth.

Anyone out there give the birthmother a gift?  What kind?  How was it given? How did she like it?

Thank you!

Replies

Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your child!

We did two things ... one we had flowers sent to our daughter’s birth mom on the day of her birth congratulating her on the birth of her daughter!  second we bought a necklace (redenvelope.com) that is a dog tag that is inscribed with mother & daughter in english and chinese and we had our daughter’s name and birthdate inscribed on the back.  It also comes mother & son.

We gave her the gift the day she signed her relinquishment papers.

Posted by mommysquared on Jul 28, 2010 at 3:45am

We were able to attend our son’s delivery and had flowers delivered to the room before we returned to the hospital the next morning.  We also gave our son’s firstmom a basket containing bath bubbles, those really warm fuzzy socks, a scented candle etc. on the day we left the hospital.  We wanted her to go home and take good care of herself as she worked through all of her emotions, a little something I had done during the long wait! Hope that helps.

Posted by Kschrock on Jul 28, 2010 at 4:14am

We were told NOT to give a gift because sometimes the birth mother will think you’re trying to “trade” a gift for a baby. We didn’t give her anything and she was just as happy with that.

Posted by catwalkerga on Jul 28, 2010 at 4:34am

I bought two matching 14KT pendent with a Angel on the front and two gold chains and on the back it had the Serenity prayer for her and Brooke! I told her that someday when Brooke gets older I will give her, hers and I will tell her that her Birth Mother has the same one. I told Brookes Birth Mother they will be connected for life with these necklaces and if someday Brooke comes looking for her they will find each other with the same necklace! I will tell you that we both cried when I was telling her this story and she said Thanks for doing this for her and Brooke and she loved it!! I even went as far as to write a note telling Brooke this same story and putting it with her necklace in a safe place, just in case something were to happen to me ” God forbid” I would want Brooke to know!!!


The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Here in Florida you CAN NOT give the Birth Mother a gift of any value until she sign’s the consent to adopt papers, which is 72 hours after the birth, because in a court of law they consider it to be coercing a Birth Mother into surrendering her child and it is against the law. So we had to wait until she signed the paper to give her a gift.

Posted by Connie Ann on Jul 28, 2010 at 7:32am

We got to the hospital the day after our son was born, and we brought our BM flowers. We also gave her a bracelet, from the popular Pandora line, with a starter charm, a heart. We figured we could send her a charm from time to time for special occasions.
I agree with others that you should make sure there aren’t any “rules” about gifts given. Every state - or agency is different.
If you subscribe to Adoptive Families, they have some other companies advertising really pretty charms and gift ideas.
congratulations!

Posted by Gabesmom on Jul 28, 2010 at 8:31am

Good news to know about the Florida law… and certainly the timing makes sense.  The BM and I talk daily and we have become close, but I don’t want to be inappropriate or illegal.  Thanks!

Posted by junofoxtrot on Jul 28, 2010 at 8:57am

We got DD’s birthmother a pair of earrings with DD’s birthstone in them.

Posted by mitchelled on Jul 28, 2010 at 9:15am

We got our birth mother flowers the day our son was born.  We also told her we would get her anything she wanted for dinner—she chose Olive Garden smile  I live in Indiana and we are also unable to give the birth mother any gifts until after she signs the papers.  So we waited until the day she was going home from the hospital.  We got her a necklace with ours sons birth stone.  We got the birth father a dog tag necklace with our sons birth date on it.  If the birth father is still in the picture, don’t forget about him.  Our birth father had a harder time than our birth mother and still does.  He was very emotional at the hospital and every one was so worried about our birth mom that they just kind of forgot about him. It’s very hard for them as well, even if they don’t show it.

Posted by Jacob's Mommy on Jul 28, 2010 at 10:52pm

I am a birthmother (placed in June 1995).  I stumbled upon this thread and had to read what you guys were posting!  I still stay connected in the adoption world in hopes to help others!  Here are my opinions… keep in mind I am only one BM!  smile

The Pandora bracelet idea is awesome!  The one fear BM have is that we will become forgotten and that little charm every once in awhile will do wonders!  But, of course, pictures are the most vital part to a birthparents healing process!  Unless, she doesn’t want them.

Yes! Don’t forget the birthfather, if he is involved! 

My AP’s gave me a cross necklace… they named “our son” Christian, as that was the reason I choose them (based on their statement of faith)!

Not only is the 72 hour rule a law (Texas), but also that is the only time the birthmother will ever have alone with her child!  Your going to have him/her for a lifetime,  at least give her 72 hours. Unless stated otherwise by your birthmom!  I know that’s easier said than done for AP’s, be patient!  And it won’t look bad either!  smile

I don’t know who gave you the advice of not giving a small gift, but I think you were sadly miss led!  I say this with the utmost respect for your decision, please take this in a positive light!  The healthiness of adoption is how well u and the birthparents communication level is.  Not the advice/opinions of others!  All you had to say, when you gave her the gift was, please don’t feel as though this is a trade, but take this gift as a token of our love, respect, courage and admiration of you choosing us as adoptive parents.  Its not like you giving her a car, then that would look bad!

Honestly, guys that is crucial time for a birthmother and even though we are only talking about small gifts… at that time is when she needs to feel appreciated, especially by adoptive parents!

The best gifts to give:
Gifts from the heart and what you feel led to give!

Congratulations on getting to this phase of your adoption and many blessings to all your new families!!!

Posted by Debbie Johnson on Jul 31, 2010 at 6:03pm

I gave my daughters firstmom a charm exactly like one I wear.  Before Ava was born I had it inscribed with the word faith in latin.  I now wear the same necklace with the original faith charm and a second with “A’.  On the morning after Ava was born I gave her first mom the same necklace with a charm with her favorite lucky number on it.  This was very symbolic to her as a name.  one year later I sent her one for Mothers Day with the initial of the son she parents.

Posted by mommyfromtheblock on Aug 06, 2010 at 7:11am

A decision… we did want to honor our birthmother in a special way and commemorate the adoption process/journey that we’ve all been on together.  We decided to purchase a journey necklace with three birthstones.  The first/largest being her birthstone, the one in the center the child she parents, and the last/smallest for our son.  We sent this to her with a card after we returned home.

A little research… The total cost was less than the adoption symbol necklaces and “mothers” birthstone necklaces I’d found online and in stores.  Essentially, we bought a pre-made birthstone necklace and had two of the stones replaced.

At the hospital… Just a side note about the hospital.  Our birthmother did not have ANY family or friends (other than us) visit her at the hospital during her delivery and recovery.  We had an arrangement of flowers delivered to her and I’m so glad we did.  Most women like flowers - especially when they are in the hospital.

Posted by junofoxtrot on Aug 18, 2010 at 5:39pm

We brought a floral arrangement to the hospital the day our daughter was born.  We also bought a sterling silver bracelet with heart shaped links that was given to our daughter’s birthmother after the relinquishment papers were signed.  She seemed to be very appreciative. 

We have a semi- open adoption arrangement with our daughter’s birthmom, and send pictures and letters through the agency…monthly for the first 6 months, and then annually.  We hope and pray that she is doing well.

Posted by pednurse91 on Nov 10, 2010 at 12:13pm

Thank you for starting this post and for all the answers - we are recently matched and my husband and I were just talking about this tonight.  Our birthmom has expressed several times that she would like to take pictures of all of us together at the hospital, so I was thinking of having one of the pictures placed inside a snowglobe and having it engraved.  I really like the idea of the charm necklaces though, especially the idea of keeping 1/2 and then giving it to our daughter someday.

Posted by impatientobe on Nov 14, 2010 at 9:51am

My wife and I were recently placed and we have an excellent relationship with our Sara’s birth mother and birth father.  At Placement, our agency stressed getting a gift that was meaningful and if we wanted to get anything fun later on (aka Christmas/ Birthdays), that would be fine. 

We got our birth mother the Triangle of Love Adoption necklace from https://secure.adoptionsbygladney.com/products/jewelryorder.html 

It was a big part of our Profile.  I bought one for my wife as well, and when our daughter gets a little older, I’ll get her one too.

We got our birth father a Mizpah coin from a jeweler near our home.  (Here is a picture - http://www.c28.com/shopping/productdetails.asp?recordid=12015)

One half was for him and the other half went to our daughter. 

We wanted to make sure they knew that our daughter would always be a part of their lives. 

They loved both of the gifts tremendously from what I could tell.

I hope this helps.  I asked the same question a few weeks ago.

Matt

PS - My wife and I were talking yesterday and we realized I was the only one who did get any jewelry between the 5 of us!!  ; )

Posted by SarasDaddy on Nov 16, 2010 at 12:44am

Great thread!  For our daughter’s birthmother, we got her an eternity circle necklace from Tiffany’s.  But, with our son’s birthmothers, I’m not sure she’s a Tiffany’s kind of girl, and I loved what I found on redenvelope.com, so thank you for that suggestion!!!

Posted by jenn79 on Feb 16, 2011 at 2:11am

We gave our birthmom a three stone ring in our daughter’s birthstone.  The three stones represent all three parties (birthmom, adoptive parents and child)being united in the love for one little girl.  We gave it to her in the hospital shortly after our daugther was born. 

She loved it.  She and her mom (who was present for the birth) both started to cry.

Posted by bpoelli on Feb 16, 2011 at 2:14am

We met our birthmom hours before our baby was born. We didn’t have much time to get to know her and her us but we knew that we wanted to gift her something. We gave our birthmom a charm bracelet with (3) charms. One representing her (a butterfly), one representing us (a heart), and one representing baby (a wrapped gift). Every year around his birth date, we will send her another charm representing a milestone or big interest in James’ life. This year was a musical note for his LOVE of music !!!!

Posted by islandrose on Feb 19, 2012 at 2:23am

I found this necklace today at a Lifeway store: http://www.christianbook.com/love-trinity-cross-pendant/pd/818175/1395107026?event=AAI
we are going to give one piece of the cross to our birth father, one to our birth mother, and our daughter will keep the piece with her birthstones!

Posted by janrack on Jan 19, 2014 at 10:51am

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