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Finding Like Familys


Our family is our 4 yr old,son and his 2,moms. Starting in the world of school,has been somewhat difficult at times. We tried finding like family’s in our area, with no success to show our son there are Like Familys as,ours. We have read books about adoption and 2 moms. Any suggestions? We are also New to parenthood.

Replies

Hi! Can’t resist replying with caveats that I’m still in the road-to-parenthood stage through adoption and am admittedly spoiled living in NYC. That said, I recall hearing about a couple ways to network to fellow LGBTQ families that I thought I’d share. I’ve previously lived in areas where I felt like I was the only queer person for miles so I feel for you all.

I haven’t been yet, but am very excited to check out this annual LGBTQ+ families retreat: Family Week in Provinceton, https://www.familyequality.org/events/family-week/

Perhaps it’s feasible to where you’re located geographically?

Another idea…maybe your kids are just old enough? It’s old school smile but I liked the idea of connecting my future kids with a pen-pal family that’s similar (in my case was considering an adoptee from foster care as that’s my intended route).

Perhaps you can network here to a similar family with young kids?

Lastly, can’t resist, but I LOVE this kids book: Promised Land, https://promisedlandstore.com/

Best wishes,
Yaari

Posted by Yaari on Dec 27, 2018 at 4:15pm

We stopped looking for those groups years ago. What we often found was that the only thing we had in common was that our families all had 2 gay parents. And our kids hated it. Honestly we’ve learned from our kids (16, 11, 6) that it’s less important to find gay families, and more important for them to know that there are all kinds of families; gay parents straight parents, single parents, parents of different races than their children, grandparents raising children, etc. Our 6 and 16 year olds could care less that they have 2 moms. Our 11 year old struggled a little, until he realized how many of his friends and classmates also had families with differences. That helped him put things in perspective. One of his friends’ parents are divorcing. One has a severely autistic sibling. One has a sibling who attempted suicide. Understanding all of this helped him to understand that there is no such thing as an “average family.”  Our kids just want to know that we will do all the same things as any typical parent. Shuttle them to sports and football games and dances, complain about too much fast food and video games, hug them in public and embarrass them, and love and support them.

Posted by gocode03 on Dec 27, 2018 at 5:22pm

I think if you live in an area where there is an openness to gay people that if you look for and attend adoption support groups, and events for adopted families, you will inevitably find families like yours.

Also the more you feel comfortable talking about your experiences, the more others like you appear or are referred to you. As I spoke about adoption for example I found many people in my community were actually adopted themselves, unbeknownst to me. I’m on the East coast…but do know numerous professionals who are adopted, single women and families with 2 moms who have adopted. Good luck to you!

Posted by Happy Camper on Dec 28, 2018 at 3:37pm

Over the years we’ve met many other families like ours (2 moms & 2 kids). But it was more for our benefit than our kids. The kids didn’t have things in common and most weren’t adopted. Then we looked for adopted families, so the kids might have more in common. That was easier to find, however awkward to say “Hi, we don’t know each other, but I think our kids might want to meet each other because they’re adopted too.” So we found an open and affirming church was the best way to met people. We joined a UCC church and found more people with adopted kids, gay parents, and many different varieties of families. We’ve been part of it for 10 years now and it’s the best thing we could’ve done. I’m not one to push religion on anyone, but it worked for us and our kids.

Posted by A & Z's mom on Jan 16, 2019 at 10:00am

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