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Dealing With a Loss in Adoption

Emotional Scammer

I’m devastated.  I was connected with a pregnant woman 4 months ago.  It seemed quite promising.  She was a little vague in her texts but would keep talking to string me along.  I would ask her to speak with the social worker and her lawyer and she had an excuse for every time they attempted to reach out.  I was told by the adoption agency that she had difficulty with authority figures.  I assumed that we could get her to speak to the lawyers at the hospital.  She told me that I could attend her induction.  My husband and I went to the hospital and she wasn’t a patient there.  It turns out she had her baby a few days ago and was still pretending to be pregnant.  My heart was broken and I was humiliated.  It didn’t help matters that we were escorted off hospital property by security even though we did not make a scene or act threatening.  I was smiling for Pete sake.  I am so hurt by this entire experience.  I’m not nearly as upset that she decided to parent.  I’m upset because she lied to us, lead us on and made me look like a fool.  It hurt more than I can articulate.


We were matched with an emotional scammer as well. All we ever did was text. When it got closer to hiring a lawyer, the lawyer told us that since we’ve only been texting that the expectant mom was an emotional scammer. We tried to meet her and she blew us off. The agency never talked to her on the phone,just emails and texts. I did some snooping and I found the expectant mom on Facebook and I also found her baby registry. It was enough to tell me she wasn’t placing. I stopped texting but the expectant mom kept it up. The agency told me to keep texting because some woman decide last minutes. So I texted more with no hope. She did not place which didn’t surprise me and she had the baby on my birthday. It’s really sad that hopeful adoptive couples have to be so vulnerable.
Looking back I wish I would have stopped texting or told her nicely to have a nice life. I do think initially she wanted to place but changed her mind. It happens. We were connected when she was three months along.
We did suffer one failed adoption before meeting our birthmom and daughter. Adoption is a journey full of ups and downs. Good luck with your wait. Your next match you will be a little wiser.

Posted by mommadreams14 on Jul 15, 2018 at 12:25pm

I am sorry you had to suffer through this failed match.

Posted by mommadreams14 on Jul 15, 2018 at 12:27pm

I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you. To me, it’s upsetting to hear that the agency wasn’t wiser and they seemed to give you false hope.

Posted by cosmojones on Jul 15, 2018 at 3:06pm

I’m so sorry. I hate that there are people out there who do this. I can’t imagine the embarrassment you must have felt at the hospital, especially being escorted out. People can be so cruel. My only advice is to let yourself grieve this loss and heartache but stay strong and when you’re ready try again. Look for the signs (only communicating via text or email, not willing to talk to an attorney or agency, etc.) but don’t let this horrible situation keep you from what you want most in this world. I always say that adoption is not for the weak. People have no clue the emotional pain we go through.

Posted by KChiarilli on Jul 15, 2018 at 4:14pm

Thank you everyone for the support!  I’m beginning to heal from the experience.  Looking back, I can see all the red flags.  I have certainly learned from this experience.  I honestly didn’t believe that people could be that deceptive.  I am certainly more attuned to how the adoption process works.

Posted by light80 on Jul 16, 2018 at 2:52pm

Are you planning on matching again?

Posted by NoraT on Jul 21, 2018 at 9:12pm

Are you planning on matching again?

Posted by NoraT on Jul 21, 2018 at 9:12pm

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