Hi,
I’m an adoptive father.  I’m not sure what the situation around your adoption was, but I can just give you some info from ours.  Our bmom had three children already and was not going to be able to raise another at the time she was pregnant.  It’s not that she didn’t want him or doesn’t love him, it was just bad timing.  Anyway, we have a very open relationship, and we talk to her and her family more often than most of our own immediate family.  I know she introduces him as her son (he is), and us as his parents.  “This is my son “A”, and these are his parents “B” and “C”“. 

I posted in another thread to an adoptive mother about sharing details.  Share as many/few as you feel comfortable, given the person asking and the situation.  He is your son and you are still a part of his life, just not in the “traditional” way many people think.  But so many families out there (including those people that ask) are not “traditional”, so don’t worry about it. And if it’s not someone you’d feel comfortable with sharing, just ignore the question or answer “I don’t know if it’s any of your business”.

Good luck with dealing with the questions.  Unfortunately I think it’s something both sides are bombarded with.  Some of it’s because people just don’t know much about adoption, and some of it’s just because people are rude and nosy.

Welcome
I think you answer with what ever you feel comfortable saying, and how much you really want to get into your story. With our Birthmom, we helped her in any way that we could, but told her that we would not and could not lie to her friends/family. She however is a teenager…
Now a few years later, she has taken ownership of her and our daughters story and loves to tell people about her.
I saw your other post and just want to welcome you, it will be nice to hear about open adoption from a birthmoms side…

I am an adoptive mom and we have a very open adoption with our son’s birthparents. In our experience, people do not realize that what they say/ask is hurtful. In most cases, they really are just asking. It feels emotionally loaded to you because of all you’ve been through and how much you miss Jackson. I agree with the previous comments - share what you are comfortable with, and that may be nothing for now. That is fine. Our son is almost two. Sometimes we mention that he was adopted, sometimes not. I know his birthmom does the same. It’s just like anything else personal - you get to choose how much of the info is relevant to the conversation. But these (usually) innocent questions could also be an opportunity to teach others about adoption, when you are ready. Just say “he is with his family” or “he is with his parents” or “he is with his adoptive parents”.

I also want to encourage you that this is all very new for you. You will figure it out. Give it time. Keep those you trust close and lean on them. You will learn what you are comfortable with. This will all get easier and make more sense as you work out your feelings and heal, I promise. You are brave and wonderful - don’t ever forget that!

There are no easy answers and a lot of hard questions. I agree with everyone else. You say what you feel comfortable with, and what level of friendship you have with “friends”. You set the boundaries. Our BM tells people openly she adopted her daughter out, but those who are around her, know that was the best choice for her. Many do not even know she was pg to begin with. Once you come up with what you want to say that feels right to you, you’ll spout it off without thinking. Just know that you made a hard decision and love your son very much. We all know that!

Remember please- the correct term is Birthmother or birthmom and if you have to shorten it- BMOM.