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Child Care for adopted child


I am early in the process of adopting a child from China. We are wanting a child 1-5 yrs. old who most likely will have some special needs (although that could be very minor to moderate needs). My profession is a family child care provider meaning I run a daycare in my home. My income is based on how many are enrolled and how often they come and their age. I know that many adopted children have a period of time where they are adjusting. However, I have no idea how long that could be. I have planned on taking some time off from work during this adjustment period. However, I am unsure if the child would adjust better if I didn’t work (adding the daycare to her normal life) or if daycare would be a good way for her to adjust. If I will need to quit work, I will need to plan accordingly as this will definitely hit us financially and I would need to give enough time for the clients to find new care. I’ve heard of some family child care providers who had adopted children with special needs (although not internationally) either taking them elsewhere for care while they worked or quitting doing daycare. I had always home preschooled my older biological children with the daycare but they didn’t have any adjustment issues. Does anyone have any similar experiences or concerns about this? Although I am thinking ahead, I am wanting to make a informed decision in regards to child care especially in regards to adjustment periods.

Replies

I commend you for thinking this vital question though before the adoption occurs.  While I am a firm believer in the power of peer relationships (not everyone will agree with me), one concern that I would offer based on the emotions of my adopted children (who were 8 when we started), is that of jealousy.  Your child must learn to trust that she is the most important person to you and this will take time.  I am not sure that this trust will be forged if she sees you attending to other children on a daily basis.  Regardless of age, her emotions may likely be that of an infant needing mommy holding her, playing with her, feeding her, and loving her exclusively - due to the trauma in her life, this bonding will not be a few weeks, it will be months and perhaps much longer.  Just a thought for consideration.

Posted by Anne333 on Sep 06, 2016 at 8:08pm

You might want to read Toddler Adoption by Hopkins- Best.

There is a huge difference between a one year old and a 5 year old so it is difficult to decide.
You can assume the child’s social/emotional skills will be younger than the chronological age.

Either the child has been in an orphanage which might make group care seem familiar but harder for him (or her) to figure out what is a family? Or the child could have been in foster care and be mourning that family.

Sending him/her elsewhere for care seems counter-productive. The child needs to attach to you and that is a process not an event which takes awhile.

Posted by Regina on Sep 06, 2016 at 8:27pm

That is what I was thinking too. However, would sending her elsewhere for child care do the same thing but on a lesser scale since I am her mother and the caregiver is not? I would love to quit my job and just tend to her but I don’t know if that is feasible financially. Do you suggest me finding work elsewhere (outside of my home - maybe at a daycare center or an assistant to an in home provider) and put her in child care elsewhere? Or is child care regardless of where going to be detrimental to her because no matter where she goes for child care (other than home with me not working) there is potentially a jealousy issue. How do adoptive parents work if they don’t have child care? I’m not asking these question sarcastically. I truly want to know what the solution can be. Hmmm. Lots to think about.

Posted by tlhrebicik on Sep 06, 2016 at 8:35pm

I suggest planning to take a minimum of 8 weeks off and focus solely on attachment within your family. The initial period home can be crucial to attachment. I highly recommend doing some reading (the above mentioned book and The Connected Child for starters - there are lots more good ones out there too). If you need to work after that, can you limit the number of kids you have or do it part time?
I personally wouldn’t send your child elsewhere for child care because you have the opportunity to keep him/her home. You asked about the jealousy thing and if that’d be anywhere. I think that’s just meaning if he/she is home with you. It can further confuse the child as to if they are just another kid in your care (and could remind them of a nanny at orphanage). A child (any child not just adopted) may be jealous at a daycare but the roles of the employees are much different than roles of parents. That said, I’d keep child home if I were home because the more you are with child and meeting his/her needs the better.

If you need to continue working (as many parents do) just aim to make connections when you’re together and showed them with extra love once other kids go home. Regularly explain the children there during day are only visitors and reassure new child he/she will always be here now.

Good luck as you begin your adoption journey. smile

Posted by momma21 on Sep 07, 2016 at 12:15am

you asked about whether it would make a difference if she goes elsewhere since you are her mother and the childcare provider is not; remember, this child will not know what a mother is. she is used to caregivers who come and go in shifts. she might view you as the evening shift caregiver, then her child care worker as the day shift caregiver. it will take time for her to bond with you and understand that a mother is different from a child care worker. i would keep her home as long as possible to help her make that connection.

Posted by rn4kidz on Sep 07, 2016 at 1:28am

Thank you for your response. I never dreamed that my job could possibly be a detriment to the child. My original thought was that I love children and have the knowledge of what children are capable of (age -appropriate skills and behaviors) so that should be a positive thing for the adopted child (Despite the fact that I know most institutionalized children are developmentally behind others of the same age). However, the more I read on bonding and adjustment periods, the more I wondered if it is such a good thing after all. I definitely, want to do right by her but my family also needs my income so I will have to figure out how to manage both without compromising our bonding or our finances. I guess I have more things to think about.

Posted by tlhrebicik on Sep 07, 2016 at 11:36am

Choosing the right child care is most important for every parent, in the case of adoption also, parents are choosing right child care. Under which their child will getting different types of care and attention for both health and life. In different countries, the government has different laws on child care and child adoption and under this several families are getting suitable benefits.
Child Care

Posted by Kevinbowman on Nov 24, 2016 at 10:58am

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