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Biological sibling?

I am curious everyone’s viewpoint on this topic. We’ve recently adopted 2 of our 5 children through foster care and are torn because there is a baby that is a sibling to the ones we just adopted in foster care. We knew of this baby when she was born but couldn’t take it because we were on hold from another one of our adoptions. We were heart broken. Should we fight to get this baby- now 6 months old with a strong bond with her foster parents and foster siblings or leave it be where’s shes at?  Ibe contacted the foster parents to see if wanted to do visits and have had no luck. I’m afraid my kids won’t have that relationship with their biological sister they should have. It is more than likely this baby will be terminated from bio mom down the road.


I would contact the social worker about visits. Starting that process should give you a good idea where things stand with the foster parents and whether they are even considering adoption eventually. You should also be able to tell how important the county feels the relationship between these siblings is.

Posted by KimmerDB on Dec 20, 2017 at 9:33pm

I have mixed feelings on this.  If the foster parents and foster parents are bonded and want to adopt I think that may be the best option because your children have not known the baby and have not bonded.

The best option is always to have visits if possible but if not then see if the adoptive parents would be willing to exchange yearly updates.

Posted by C3 on Dec 21, 2017 at 2:19am

It’s a tough situation and really unfortunate the baby couldn’t be placed with you from the beginning. While it’s ideal for biological siblings to be together, I think it’s more important that the child (all children) have as little disruption as possible. While hard on your end, it’s probably in the best interest of the baby to stay where she is unless the foster parents aren’t considering adoption. Try to think of it from the foster family’s perspective and also that of the baby as she grows up. I do think it would be good for them to have a relationship, but my guess is the foster parents are hesitant because they know or fear that you will want custody of her.

Posted by thegoldings on Dec 21, 2017 at 4:25am

you might want to read this

attachment to the parent happens before attachment to siblings. No easy answer, if foster parent do not want to adopt I would say adopt the child but if she has an attachment (and it will be awhile before she is available) I think you need to leave her where she iss.

Posted by Regina on Dec 21, 2017 at 4:29am

First you have to decide whether you want to adopt the sibling.
I saw a study a few years ago that determined that for foster children, the most important bonds in their lives is to siblings. That shouldn’t be discounted. Disruption is never ideal, but I think most child development specialists would tell you that being able to grow up with a sibling is worth the disruption of a foster home.
Next, once you adopt a child, the courts identify you as a family member As a legal family member,the courts are required to consider your claim above any unrelated adoptive home.  The home study standards are also as a family member, which generally cannot be denied for any reason other than something in your background check that would be considered a physical risk to the child, i.e., a violent and/or abusive criminal history.
Should you decide to consider pursuing adoption, please try to be certain before you tell a caseworker. Some foster/adoptive homes, in an attempt to protect their emotions, have been known to ask for a child to be immediately removed just because of a POTENTIAL family home.  I saw a case for a baby just a few weeks ago. A family member expressed interest, the foster family asked for and got immediate removal, then the family member failed the background check, and the child who had been on a path to adoption, had to spend weeks or months in another foster placement while agencies worked to find the child a new, permanent home.
Best wishes to you.

Posted by hdctx on Dec 21, 2017 at 6:34am

On visitation.  Many foster/adoptive parents aren’t keen on visitation because they are paranoid that “their child” will be taken away. After they have had a year or more to bond and the adoption if long final, many of those same parents are then much more likely to allow visits and attempt to strengthen the sibling bond.
Most likely, the current foster parents (if they are interested in adoption, view you (and your higher legal standing) as a direct threat to the formation of their family. After adoption finalization, they may be far more willing to facilitate visits.

Posted by hdctx on Dec 21, 2017 at 6:40am

re First you have to decide whether you want to adopt the sibling.
I saw a study a few years ago that determined that for foster children, the most important bonds in their lives is to siblings

that is for siblings who lived together, had a bond etc. These siblings never met. I agree in a perfect world the kids would have been together from the start. Of course if the world were perfect we wouldn’t need foster care or adoption. Babies bond to mom first, then dad, then siblings. Many people (not adopted) don’t even speak to siblings others are very close. Destroying a parental bond can cause life long issues.

Think of this. If a dad had an affair and there was a baby would you remove the baby from a birth mom to be with siblings? Of course not.To the baby the foster parents are the only parenting parents she has known. I agree it breaks my heart if they never meet but what is best for the child?

Very difficult situation

Posted by Regina on Dec 21, 2017 at 12:53pm

I would take the sibling if you can. What happens when they’re older and ask the tough questions? I would talk to the caseworker and ask if you can get the sibling

Posted by Charming_Ell on Dec 25, 2017 at 9:35pm

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