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Best option for gender preference adoption, domestic newborn


Hello!  My husband and I are trying to decide on an adoption agency/law firm/etc.  Tricky part is that we have a gender preference- we are hoping to adopt a newborn girl.
I have looked at both Lifetime and American Adoptions and though their websites state that offer gender preference options, the no longer do according to the employees I have spoken with.
What are good agencies or law firms to consider if we have a gender preference?

I started looking into AdoptHelp and ANLC, hearing both good and some bad.

Thank you for any help!!

Replies

Look at Guardian Angel and Heart to Heart, both in Salt Lake.

Posted by pednurse91 on Sep 21, 2017 at 4:14pm

I don’t think that it will be practical without a long wait at most agencies or law centers that do newborn adoption and are matching well prior to birth - particularly if they typically match before having gender info.  In the case of AdoptHelp, in my experience, if you wanted a specific gender you would be limited to only the expectant parents who already know the gender of the child prior to matching and that gender matched your preference - so it might limit you to a very small percentage of cases where that information is known prior to matching.  I know people with no gender preference that have waited 1- 2 years recently - so it could be a very long wait I think.  I think you might be better served looking at facilitators (if they are legal in your state) and/or consultants who in some cases are more likely to get gender information prior to matching.  From my knowledge a girl preference is the more common gender preference.

Posted by IVF Traveler on Sep 21, 2017 at 5:41pm

It will be a long wait. Newborn girls are the most requested. So if the agency places 30 children a year you will only be considered for the girls (say 15) and families with no gender preference will be considered for all 30.

Why the preference? What do you think a girl brings to a family? What if this girl doesn’t live up to the fantasy?

Posted by Regina on Sep 21, 2017 at 9:38pm

We specified gender for our second adoption. We already had a boy and we wanted to parent a girl as well. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for having a preference.

Nightlight Christian Adoptions allowed gender specification in 2010/11. Personally, I have some reservations about the ethics (or lack thereof) in their East Coast offices, but their Los Angeles office impressed me. We had been going to sign with them, when I responded to an online situation on a whim, and we ended up with our DD.

Open Adoption and Family Services has an excellent reputation for ethics. We were also race-specific - we wanted an “African-American/Caucasian” baby, and they don’t place many non-White infants. They also allowed gender specification in 2010/11.

I don’t recommend going with a facilitator like ANLC or AdoptHelp. Indeed, our first adoption was through ANLC, and they were horrid to work with then. They have changed ownership since, though.

If you look at agencies in Utah, you MUST take responsibility for ensuring that the adoption is ethical. MANY agencies fly expectant moms to Utah, because the laws favor adoptive parents to the detriment of biological parents. Unmarried fathers have no rights at all. When you see a birth father fighting for his child, it’s usually because a Utah agency essentially kidnapped that child, but it’s all legal because Utah’s laws don’t protect unmarried fathers.

Anyway, I hope this helps! Good luck on your adoption journey!

Posted by rredhead on Sep 22, 2017 at 12:58am

While agencies certainly prefer adoptive families who are open to many criteria, there are plenty who will still allow gender preference. As an adoption consultant, I do have some clients occasionally who have this preference as well. Your best bet would be to cast your net wide and apply to as many agencies as you can (with low upfront fees, of course), who will add you to their waiting families list. A consultant can definitely help with that. If you are interested in chatting to learn more about how a consultant can help, feel free to message me and we can set that up.

-Rebecca G.

Posted by RGAdopt on Sep 22, 2017 at 2:38am

As others have pointed out, newborn girls are the most “sought after” to adopt, so the wait could be long. Also, keep in mind that the expectant parents choose whom they want to be matched with, and some might have an issue with hopeful adoptive parents who are only interested in their child if it is the preferred sex, which could further limit your options.
And, as does happen (did to a friend of mine, not an adoptive situation) a sonogram can sometimes indicate one sex when the child turns out to be another (and that’s usually a boy who because of positioning, or whatever, is believed to be a girl.
You may want to restrict yourselves to only “baby born” situations in order to be sure of the sex of the child.
Just some things to think about.

Are you willing to adopt a girl with special needs, such as developmental delays or medical conditions? That would probably open up more potential matches for you.

I realize this doesn’t answer your question about agencies, but just some things to think about as you explore/choose an agency.

Posted by Maryam on Sep 26, 2017 at 12:57am

Actually, I did a lot of research on the whole “wrong ultrasound” thing. When an ultrasound prediction is wrong, it’s usually a girl who was thought to be a boy because of the positioning of the umbilical cord, not vice versa. Even so, ultrasound predictions are wrong only in a very small percentage of cases.

Posted by rredhead on Sep 30, 2017 at 4:24am

Thanks for the help so far!
We are ok if it happens to be a bit of a longer wait (like 1-2 years) just trying to look at effective and cost effective ways of going about it.
I’ve starting looking into various agencies that have low upfront costs and possibly applying to several instead of 1 big national one. Any tips on that would be welcome too!!

Posted by jessirberger on Sep 30, 2017 at 3:22pm

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