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Hello, I’m Kim. I’m 47 with an amazing husband and 2 incredible step children. My life long dream has been to have a child of my own. I found out early on, when I was 22, that due to complications from an appendectomy at 7, I would not be able to have my own baby. I have prayed, almost daily, since then for God to perform a miracle and allow me to become pregnant. My then husband and I had since divorced and I remarried an amazing man with a now 12 year old boy and 11 year old girl. The kids were 3 and 4 when I came into their lives and I couldn’t love them anymore if they were biologically mine.
At first it was just me who longed for the baby, my husband was good with just his 2. But he has since joined in my desire to add to our family.
My concern is are we too old to start the adoption process? I know there is foster care who does not discriminate against age. But I am also concerned with my step children’s mother and how she can stop having them come if we were to get an older child. As I’m sure everyone does, I am longing for a baby. Young enough to know me as their only mom. One I can raise with all the love my mother raised me with. Any advice and/or help is greatly appreciated

Replies

Kim, 

Some of the answers to your questions depend upon what type of adoption you want to pursue. 

If you are looking at international adoption, then many countries do have age limits, or will not consider a couple where one or both have been married before, or will only consider them if they have been together so many years…  Also, many countries only allow older children to be adopted out of country. 

Foster-adopt typically does not have any age limit, but there is a difference between foster-adopt and foster care.  The goal of foster care is re-unification with the birth family, you have to know that upfront, although many children in foster care do end up having the plan changed to adoption.  Usually children who become legally free for adoption through foster care have been in foster care for a year or more.  If you are interested in a baby or young child, then you typically will have to be a foster parent, because those children often end up being adopted by their foster parents.  There are many factors involved, including where you live, so if you are interested in adopting from foster care, you should look into the system where you live. 

In the US, private adoption is almost exclusively newborn adoption, and you will sometimes hear “domestic newborn adoption” used synonymously with private adoption.  Private adoption in the US is either through an adoption agency or through an attorney.  Adoption rules differ from state to state, so you will have to look into the specific laws in your state.  There is something called the ICPC the interstate compact for adoption, so you can adopt across state lines, which adds another layer of complexity.  In domestic newborn adoption the expectant mother (correct term for a woman considering an adoption plan for her child) or expectant parents choose the adoptive parents.  Your age might be seen as a negative to some e-moms, but as a positive to others.  Private newborn adoption is typically open or semi-open, meaning there is some contact between birth parents and prospective adoptive parents prior to the baby’s birth and after placement.  In semi-open adoption the ongoing contact between birth and adoptive families is sharing of pictures and letters through a third party (in our case, the attorney).  In open adoption there is on-going in person contact, which can be anything from once a year to once a month or once a week, depending on the agreement between the birth and adoptive families.

I have a colleague who is beginning the foster care process and was able to do classes on-line.  I would encourage you to research the various types of adoption and see if there are any agencies that have virtual workshops for you.

Good luck!

Posted by jszmom on Aug 29, 2020 at 7:34pm

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