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China Adoptive Families

Adopted Daughter does not like being Asian


Just recently we have discovered that our almost 15 year old does not like being Asian.  (She was adopted at 1 year of age.)  I know that hormones are probably a little of what she is going thru, but she is “unhappy” with herself.  She is afraid of gaining weight and currently going thru all those “girl” things.  She holds all of her feelings in and won’t express them.  Her answer is “I’m dealing with it and working thru it”.  She likes to spend anytime at home in her bedroom, and not with the family.  She would rather be with her friends than at home.  If she is at home, she wants her friends to be there all the time and again to spend time in her bedroom.  This includes friends of the opposite sex.  Which I have tried to explain is not acceptable.  Does anyone else have any of these kinds of situations?  What are you doing to help?

TIA

Replies

It sounds like she might be having some adoption issues re identity, loss, abandonment and feeling different.

Has she been teased about being a different race? Is she accepted in school your family and your community? Some people do not approve of interracial adoption and make ignorant remarks Is your community pretty diverse?

A therapist with some adoption experience? Some books to read and share with you? Primal Wound by Verrier?

There are quite a few studies about Korean children’s adapting to living in the USA. https://www.adoptioninstitute.org/issue-areas/ scroll down and you will find good information

She can’t do it alone she doesn’t know where to start you need to help her.

some adoption movies to share with you?

First Person Plural is a documentary re a Korean adoptees search for birth parents and feeling she didn’t fit in.

I never saw it but this is supposed to be good https://theinvisibleredthread-themovie.com/chinese-adoption/

there may be a support group https://www.bing.com/search?q=chinese+adoption+support+groups&form=EDNTHT&mkt=en-us&httpsmsn=1&refig=faeb58bd5e44425ef577e5aa7e2c8ebe&sp=1&qs=AS&pq=chinese+adoption+support+&sc=2-25&cvid=faeb58bd5e44425ef577e5aa7e2c8ebe&cc=US&setlang=en-US that could help

This isn’t an unusual situation but she needs help

it doesn’t sound like she has an attachment problem but this is a site that might help you with support and information
http://www.attach-china.org/

Posted by Regina on Feb 20, 2019 at 12:24am

Are you sure that her desire to stay away from the family, and to have other people around when she is in the house with the family, is about her not liking being Asian?
FFY asking for a friend.

Posted by NoraT on Feb 24, 2019 at 5:13am

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