My partner and I are working with an adoption attorney, so I haven’t had that experience. But I did go to an information session for one of the agencies in my area and one section on teh application form was about infertility. They required the applicant to fill out information detailing their infertility treatments, including dates, names of medications and dosages and I thought that that was really intrusive. I don’t understand what they think that they can ascertain from that line of questioning. I think that it’s a very arcane approach to adoption.

Many people think that they are infertile and then after starting the adoption process…they get pregnant.  The agencies want to make sure that this is the best option for you (adoption) and not a band-aid to not being able to have bio kids.

That is actually a myth, Trisheel. Most who adopt do not get pregnant. The rate of pregnancy for those adopting and those not is the same.

I am infertile and I think that is outrageous for agencies to imply that they may favor “more infertile” people over “less infertile” people. It is such a personal decision as to when to choose adoption…

I would go to another agency. I am doing independent domestic but checked out agencies and this was never an issue.

Good luck

We also did not want to pursue infertility treatments for several personal reasons. Our homestudy social work and our agency just asked us about this and made sure we were comfortable with our decision to pursue adoption. I think it’s their job to make sure you don’t think of adoption as a last resort, so that you will raise your child with a good attitude about adoption.

If you can go elsewhere, I would recommend that. No one has the right to judge “how infertile” is enough.

I appreciate the replies.  I have researched multiple agencies but didn’t think to ask this of any of them because I never thought it would be an issue. For my husband and I adoption is a much healthier and proactive route to parenthood than infertility treatments; my body has been through enough naturally and I am not going to try to force it to do something it doesn’t seem inclined to naturally do. I was very surprised when my husband and I sat down at the agency to fill out the paperwork and this medical form was included.  This is the only thing about my agency that I dislike and I am trying not to have a knee jerk reaction and switch agencies before I have time to really think it through since I am so impressed with the other aspects of the agency. 

As for the “band-aid” comment, we are not adopting because I’m trying to fix anything but because we want to be parents.  I will also say that I am very tired of people telling me “don’t worry, as soon as you start to adopt, you’ll get pregnant.” I know people mean well, but it really is not a supportive statement. We don’t look at adoption as a secondary or fall back plan or as “the second best thing” to pregnancy.  I have always felt that God gives us the children we are meant to have - they don’t have to come from my body to be ours.  We are very excited to find our child and have a very positive outlook on adoption- I wish more people could see it this way; not getting pregnant is not a loss; it just means we will make our family in a way that some people don’t see as “normal” or traditional. 

Thank you all for your support and good luck to you all in your adoption journey.

I think if you have not gotten pregnant in a cretain amount of years and you have not used birth control your doctor can just write a note about that. We had a form like that too. We also have chosen to not seek in-vitro or hormone therapies. We never wanted to feel like we were forcing a life when there are so many children already alive who need a family.(That was our way of looking at it.)

I think there is a beauty in your story. Others can tell that you want to love a child and you are not desperate in desiring a biological child. How precious for your future children to know that you were so satisfied to find them through adoption and they weren’t only sought after after you tried everything under the sun to get a biological child first. I am in no way condeming others who have chosen other paths first. Everyone is different but do remember there is a beauty to your story that will some day bless your children.

We did not pursue any treatments to address our infertility.  Our agency only asked one question; are you infertile?  And that was it.  Everyone is treated equal and they do not put “infertile” couples at the top of any list.  All families are presented to birth families and they choose whom they want more information on.
You might just want to ask your agency directly why they want such details?  Maybe they have a legitimate reason ?
good luck

I am curious to know if you discussed your feelings about the form for your dr to fill out with your agency? My first inclination, based on the fact that you said you love the adoption agency other than this form/request would be to tell them you are not interested in pursuing family building biologically.  If they already know this than just leave that part of the form blank.

My experience has been that agencies just want to make sure you are committed to the adoption process, not just ‘trying it out while you try to get pregnant’.  Trust me, people DO that…however, it is not fair to the potential (adopted) child if they are being looked at as a back-up to a potentially bio child. 
From what you said adoption is your first choice and only choice (whatever your reasons are) and that is perfectly fine.  Everybody’s situations are different, and personal to them.  And you are exactly right, the child you were meant to parent will find you!  Trust in that.
Blessings,
Meg

My agency asked these questions too but I think the line of questioning is to see what you have done and to ascertain that you are ready to adopt.  To make sure you haven’t done 100s of procedures and still going through them.  That may lead the agency to think adoption is your second choice.  I hope this makes sense.  I really do not think they are looking for who is the most infertile.  If the agencies did that, then couples with children would never be able to adopt a baby.

Thanks again for the replies.  It does make sense that they are just making sure we are committed to the adoption plan.  I really love the agency and this was the only fly in the ointment so to speak. Your responses have been very reassuring to me.

I am happy you have had so many great responses!  I don’t recall our agency asking too many questions about our infertility, or rather our secondary infertility.  I tried some iui’s and know now it was a waste of time and money!  Good for you for seeing this in advance.  What a lucky child to be adopted by you!

We are currently 34th on our agency’s list.  Our agency is only licensed in Ohio, so that is where our baby will be born.  Get thru all that paperwork, get on the list and wait for the child God has choosen for you to be born:)  I will keep you in our prayers.

maryohio—we are also in Ohio. We live in the SW part of this fabulous state.  Glad to hear from another Buckeye! Does your agency go strictly by a list or do they submit a group of potential parents to birthmothers at once? Our agency has a list and then they “activate” 5-6 families at a time until they are matched. At first I wasn’t too sure about that because our initial wait time will be longer (probably a year before our homestudy is complete), but I actually think this may be a better system because once we are active we aren’t competing with tons of families.  I guess we’ll see! I’m sure the wait will be rough no matter what.
I will keep you in my prayers as well - it is so great to have other people to talk to that are going through the same thing.

We didn’t try any fertility treatments after our fertility specialist said “There’s nothing wrong with you, you’ve just failed to conceive.” HUH?  I believe you have the right to tell the adoption agency that you opted not to do the same.  You can have the doctor fill out the forms, but most infertility in “inconclusive”.  Some people want to adopt “just because” so you can ask the adoption agency in rhetoric if they ask those parents the same question.