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Advice requested


I have adopted my two children 2 and 4. Recently my sons birth moms sister has contacted me to adopt her child due beginning of August. I am really trying to seek Gods will in this situation.

I am afraid that adding another healthy child, let along if there could be something medically wrong, could really rob my 4&2 year old whom I already committed too.  I am exhausted and find myself pushing through the day. I am sure like most moms. I don’t want that I am so frazzled I can’t enjoy what God has already blessed me with. But don’t want to miss an opportunity to honor him either


Though she is young tested positive for downs. She claims to have the amino but haven’t given me the report. The social worker has stated she didn’t think medic aid would pay for Amniocentesis.

Also to complicate birth father will not be signing. I will have to terminate in the courts

Oh and I am 44. 


Prayers are appreciated!

Replies

You need to make the best decision for you and your family. Do you have the resources (financial, support, emotional) to care for a child with Downs? There is an adoption group that can help http://www.ndsan.org/ find a family if you can’t do it.

If she hadn’t called you would you have been adopting again?

Maybe your role is helping her find a home for her child rather than adopting yourself.

Are you a single parent? What does your partner say?

What is coming up? Are you going to be taking care of a parent?

Make your decision based on what you and your family can do, maybe adoption maybe helping her find a family. There is no guilt, that would be if you did something wrong. You can’t adopt everyone. There are hundreds of thousand children available.

Maybe make a list of pros and cons would help

Posted by Regina on Jun 19, 2017 at 10:11pm

Thank you Regina for taking the time.

Posted by loveinmyheart on Jun 20, 2017 at 12:59am

We were in a similar situation, happy with our two children, just getting baby to sleep through the night, when contacted that b-mom was expecting again.  I can tell you there is a big difference between two children and three, and while I do not regret our decision, our lives were pure chaos for the first three years.  We love our kids, we would do the same thing again, but it was hard.

You can ask for advice, but the only one who can make the decision about what is right for your family is you.  Regina has given you some great advice, and I know how hard it is to try to be logical with such an emotional situation, but you have to consider the impact on your other kids, on your whole family, of having another child who will need your time and energy.  It is difficult to make the decision not to adopt again, it feels like you are turning your back on a child, but think of how you would have felt when you were a hopeful, waiting family to find out about a situation where you could potentially have contact with other adopted b-family (cousins)?

Posted by jszmom on Jun 20, 2017 at 1:53pm

I don’t know the right answer for you but I understand the age and frazzled thing well!  I am 48 with a 12 and 5 yo.  There is no way I could adopt another baby at this point in my life.  I would probably feel a bit guilty and sad about it…but I really couldn’t do it.  I just say this to tell you I completely understand your reservations.  Good luck whatever you decide!

Posted by mamallama on Jun 20, 2017 at 5:51pm

Yes, I get it, too!  I should also mention that while we did say yes to number three, at that time we made it clear to our children’s b-moms and our adoption attorney that this was “baby number last”.  And, in a way, it did feel sad to make that decision, but my husband and I both feel it is the right decision for us as a family.

Posted by jszmom on Jun 23, 2017 at 12:43am

It sounds like you already have a full plate and if the new baby has downs syndrome, that will really push it to overflowing. 

From what you’ve written, it doesn’t sound like you should take on another child at this time.  I know it’s hard to say no, but I feel it might be best for yourself and your family and the new baby.

Maybe you can help her find a home for the child.

Good luck.

Posted by moposh on Jun 23, 2017 at 12:23pm

From what you have written, I would not adopt this child.  I would maybe try and develop a relationship with the child for your children’s sake if that is important to you that they know their birth family.

Posted by faithful33 on Jun 23, 2017 at 4:18pm

HI - I am 51 and have 4 children.  I never dreamed I would still be raising kids in my 50’s.  I had my first child at age 26 and went through invetro for 7 years and feel blessed to have been able to have twins.  3 years ago we adopted my great nephew.  We love him and I have no regrets, but I am exhausted.  There are many issues that come up trying to blend.  If you are tired now, please pray about it.  You need your energy for your family you have as well.

Posted by Devoted on Jun 23, 2017 at 10:01pm

I would adopt in a heart beat. Hubby and I been battling infertility. For 3 in a half years.

Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Posted by Slrjcr on Nov 11, 2017 at 7:13am

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