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Adoption Group: U.S. Foster Adoptive Families

Adoption Group Information

U.S. Foster Adoptive Families

U.S. Foster Adoptive Families

For parents of children adopted from U.S. foster care.

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  • rn4kidz
    adoptuskids wait times

    I found my daughter on adoptuskids. I inquired about her at the end of july, was matched with her in the middle of december, and she came home in beginning…

  • AshleyLM
    When siblings are treated differently by the system

    How does one deal with the situation in foster care when one child’s goals differ vastly from their sibling’s goals? Let me explain a little more. I was in court yesterday with my 15 year old foster son. He has been living with me for a year and this is the third time we’ve gone to court for a permanency hearing. In the past, his bio mom did not show up to court and so it was a simple affair, with no drama. This was not the case yesterday. His bio mom was there and we spent time talking to her before court and took her home after court. His older brother was also there for a permanency hearing. My son has been in foster care since July 2013. His brother came into care the beginning of September last year (2014). Bio mom has already signed the TPR paperwork for my son and the hearing to officially terminate her parent rights is March 20th. His case worker believes his finalization will occur late May, early June. But, as we sat listening to his brothers case, it was a very different scenario. His brother is in his third foster home (I tried to get him placed with me, but due to having two younger children and only being licensed for 3 kids, he was not permitted to be placed with me) and recently back in our town versus being an hour plus away. His brother was commended for doing well, for working on the things he needs to work on and for getting along in his foster home (which is not the story he tells us). Bio mom was praised for doing all she needed to do and only needs to find stable housing before the brother would be permitted to move back in with her. The brother and bio mom were granted unlimited, unsupervised visits (my son has not had an official visit with bio mom since April of last year ” he did sneak out and see her on his own the beginning of December and saw her with me during Christmas). My son cried yesterday because he doesn’t understand why his mom is working so hard to get his brother back and yet it seemed like she did nothing to get him back. When he was visibly upset after court, his bio mom asked me what was wrong. I knew. I knew because I sat through the court hearing thinking, “omg, this is terrible! Things are going so well for his brother and here he sits about to be legally separated from his bio mom permanently!” I told her I suspected he was upset because things were going differently for his brother than for himself. She retorted, “Well, he wanted to be adopted.” She talked to him, promised she “wasn’t going anywhere,” told him she loved him, told him I was great and he was lucky to have me. But, she never explained why. Why is she doing what she needs to do now and not last year for him? We took her home and when we dropped her off she asked him to call her last night to “curse me out.” He called. The conversation was barely 60 seconds because she was busy or whatever. I heard him mutter, “Why did she ask me to call her if she didn’t want to talk?” and that was probably the least kind thing I’ve ever heard him say about her. He has a therapist (who was made aware of the situation) and his case worker has set up a time for him to see his mom with her to try to understand why things are the way they are, but the sad part is his bio mom is blaming everything on the county and not accepting responsibility for her part in what happened to him. He is so worried about hurting her by allowing himself to be adopted that he won’t let himself take any comfort in knowing he has stability for the rest of his childhood. I don’t know how to help him, other than be a listening ear and a comforting shoulder to cry on. Has anyone else experienced a similar situation with foster care placements? Siblings who came into care at different times and now have different permanency goals and the struggle that goes along with it? Any advice would help!  Thanks, ~Ashley

  • rn4kidz
    indian child welfare act

    From time to time I see native american kids on the adoptuskuds site, and think I should trace my ancestry. My greatgrandmother was 100% nativ e american on my dads…

  • Lucy2012
    Post adoption contact advice

    So after over six years we are finally getting close to adoption.  Some of you know my background so I will summarize.  Our son was placed as an infant through…

  • SemperFiFam
    Newborns from foster-care

    Have any of you actually adopted an infant from foster care? Our social worker said that because of where we are in the state, there’s not many agencies that work…

  • All4JAxX
    ICPC Question

    A quick Synopsis of my current situation, I am looking to foster to adopt a relative in another state. The child is medically fragile. The sending state where the child…

  • kayla1578
    Medicaid versus Private Insurance

    Hello.  We’re in the process of adopting our son from foster care.  He’s covered by medicaid right now and receives medical, dental and psychiatric services through Medicaid.  It’s now open…

  • Supdub
    Breast cancer and foster-adopt

    We’re two weeks into a 3-week transitioning of a 20 mo girl from her foster home to our pre-adoptive home. She’s concurrent, but TPR is likely. We expect placement in…

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