Adoption Group: Parents of Young Children

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Parents of Young Children

For parents of children—ages 4 to 7 years old.

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Looking for specific language to explain what adoption means.

My adopted daughter is 4 yrs old. I have some great books to read to her, but I can’t figure out the words for how to explain the basics of…
- Posted by jodie@doublejs.com to Parents of Young Children on May 12, 2014 at 1:33am | 3 Comments | Post a reply
Son always brings up birthmom contact after behavioral issue

About a month ago my son asked to reach out and get to know his birthmom. We have always been very open with the information we have. We share pictures…
- Posted by laura711 to Parents of Young Children on Apr 09, 2014 at 5:58am | 2 Comments | Post a reply
Six Year Old misbehaving out of character

I have a 6 yr old, the oldest of three siblings, that we are about to finalize our adoption on. They have been with us for 8 months, but it honestly feels like they’ve always been there. Even THEY have a hard time distinguishing events that happened before they were placed with us from events that happened since they were placed with us. We couldn’t be happier with how EASY and natural this transition has been. They are all great kids�“smart, happy, and resilient. The problem is with our 6 yr old who has recently started making bad choices. I’m sure he knows the difference between good choices and bad ones (he’s super smart) and sometimes I think he’s making the bad ones on purpose, although I’m probably wrong! (Unless it’s some deep seated fear of being uprooted yet AGAIN and he doesn’t realize he’s trying to self-sabatoge. Then again, I could be over thinking this!) Some of the behaviors he’s been doing wouldn’t concern me as something out of the ordinary, in and of themselves�“it’s the combination of ALL of them within a very short timeframe�“say, a couple of days or a week at the most. (He’s also recently had a bio dad visit and a bio mom visit, which he doesn’t have very often, but which were very pleasant, fun, and generally positive experiences.) Behaviors include things like the following: * We’ve been letting him play on our Nook for the past 8 months. We told him he is only allowed to play the games that are on there and not go on the internet or download anything else. We never had a problem until 2 days ago when I got a bill for TWO applications he downloaded. Now granted, we should have known better and confirmed that we had set up a password for ordering�“which we thought we did�“so part of that is our fault, but we also had that conversation with him before and he said he understood. Because of that, we took the Nook away for a week and told him we were further limiting his time on computer and video games. (His current limit is roughly 1 hour per day, which we think is quite generous!) * The next thing that happened is we took them to the daycare at the gym, which they LOVE. The daycare has all kinds of things, basketball courts, jungle gyms, games, balls, a Wii, and computer games. Because of the issue with the Nook and too much time spent on various technologies lately (wii games, Nook, our Tablets and our iphones), we gave the boys explicit instructions to NOT play video games at the gym. We also told the daycare worker they were not to play video games. We only left them for 1 hour and when we picked them up, the two boys were on the computer. The worker said she “told them” they weren’t suppose to play on the computer, but they ignored her. (Again, they are 5 & 6�“who’s in charge??) But still, they knew they weren’t supposed to and they did it anyway. They said they played basketball and on the jungle gym, but they got tired of that and moved onto the computers. Tired of it? We were only gone an hour! * The last thing that happened is he threw away a page of his homework that was required to do the actual problem solving, which we (the parents) are required to sign off on. This is a weekly homework assignment we have been through hundreds of times. He knows he needs the second page in order to complete the problems on the first page. After I took the garbage out to the can and down to the street, he told me he “already finished the homework” and so he “threw it away”. Part of me wanted to send him down to the can to retrieve it, but it was dark and rainy and I opted instead to write a note to his teacher explaining what he had done and why I couldn’t sign off on the assignment this week. I’ve explained that now his integrity is in question and whenever he tells me something, I’m not sure if I can believe him, so I will have to verify it. He will have to earn my trust back, and he will have to earn back the privileges of using the computer for play, etc. This behavior is completely out of character for him. He is normally obedient, helpful, gentle, and kind. All of his teachers, daycare workers, other kids and their parents LOVE him. I don’t want to be too hard on him, but I also want to nip this behavior in the bud (if that’s possible!). I plan to bring it up in our next therapy appt (in 2 weeks), but I wanted some feedback from this group of seasoned parents if I am doing the right thing or being too hard or what. Thank you for your feedback!
- Posted by Peri S. to Parents of Young Children on Feb 27, 2014 at 1:08am | 4 Comments | Post a reply
Peri S.: your topic regarding six yo behavior would not accept posts

Hi—I have contact afc 2x and still can not post a response to your question. I have re-posting here in the hopes others will respond here. I will try to find my old response and either PM you or post here. Good luck. Here is Peri S.‘s original post:———————————————————————— I have a 6 yr old, the oldest of three siblings, that we are about to finalize our adoption on. They have been with us for 8 months, but it honestly feels like they’ve always been there. Even THEY have a hard time distinguishing events that happened before they were placed with us from events that happened since they were placed with us. We couldn’t be happier with how EASY and natural this transition has been. They are all great kids�“smart, happy, and resilient. The problem is with our 6 yr old who has recently started making bad choices. I’m sure he knows the difference between good choices and bad ones (he’s super smart) and sometimes I think he’s making the bad ones on purpose, although I’m probably wrong! (Unless it’s some deep seated fear of being uprooted yet AGAIN and he doesn’t realize he’s trying to self-sabatoge. Then again, I could be over thinking this!) Some of the behaviors he’s been doing wouldn’t concern me as something out of the ordinary, in and of themselves�“it’s the combination of ALL of them within a very short timeframe�“say, a couple of days or a week at the most. (He’s also recently had a bio dad visit and a bio mom visit, which he doesn’t have very often, but which were very pleasant, fun, and generally positive experiences.) Behaviors include things like the following: * We’ve been letting him play on our Nook for the past 8 months. We told him he is only allowed to play the games that are on there and not go on the internet or download anything else. We never had a problem until 2 days ago when I got a bill for TWO applications he downloaded. Now granted, we should have known better and confirmed that we had set up a password for ordering�“which we thought we did�“so part of that is our fault, but we also had that conversation with him before and he said he understood. Because of that, we took the Nook away for a week and told him we were further limiting his time on computer and video games. (His current limit is roughly 1 hour per day, which we think is quite generous!) * The next thing that happened is we took them to the daycare at the gym, which they LOVE. The daycare has all kinds of things, basketball courts, jungle gyms, games, balls, a Wii, and computer games. Because of the issue with the Nook and too much time spent on various technologies lately (wii games, Nook, our Tablets and our iphones), we gave the boys explicit instructions to NOT play video games at the gym. We also told the daycare worker they were not to play video games. We only left them for 1 hour and when we picked them up, the two boys were on the computer. The worker said she “told them” they weren’t suppose to play on the computer, but they ignored her. (Again, they are 5 & 6�“who’s in charge??) But still, they knew they weren’t supposed to and they did it anyway. They said they played basketball and on the jungle gym, but they got tired of that and moved onto the computers. Tired of it? We were only gone an hour! * The last thing that happened is he threw away a page of his homework that was required to do the actual problem solving, which we (the parents) are required to sign off on. This is a weekly homework assignment we have been through hundreds of times. He knows he needs the second page in order to complete the problems on the first page. After I took the garbage out to the can and down to the street, he told me he “already finished the homework” and so he “threw it away”. Part of me wanted to send him down to the can to retrieve it, but it was dark and rainy and I opted instead to write a note to his teacher explaining what he had done and why I couldn’t sign off on the assignment this week. I’ve explained that now his integrity is in question and whenever he tells me something, I’m not sure if I can believe him, so I will have to verify it. He will have to earn my trust back, and he will have to earn back the privileges of using the computer for play, etc. This behavior is completely out of character for him. He is normally obedient, helpful, gentle, and kind. All of his teachers, daycare workers, other kids and their parents LOVE him. I don’t want to be too hard on him, but I also want to nip this behavior in the bud (if that’s possible!). I plan to bring it up in our next therapy appt (in 2 weeks), but I wanted some feedback from this group of seasoned parents if I am doing the right thing or being too hard or what. Thank you for your feedback! -
- Posted by babydreams to Parents of Young Children on Feb 24, 2014 at 8:28pm | 5 Comments | Post a reply
Advice on Answering 5yo Daughter's Questions

I’d love some advice. My 5yo daughter, adopted at birth, asked me the other day “When are you going to give me back to Miss (birth mom)?” She has not…
- Posted by Cp423 to Parents of Young Children on Feb 10, 2014 at 8:54am | 4 Comments | Post a reply
Need an adopted friend for 7 year old.

Does anyone have an adopted tween who would be interested in a pen pal? My daughter begged me tonight to find someone for her to talk to who is adopted…
- Posted by housefrau to Parents of Young Children on Jan 29, 2014 at 11:10am | 3 Comments | Post a reply
Is this normal?

My six year old asked me what his “real Mom” was last night. I told him that I was his real Mom and that she was a girl. He asked…
- Posted by Linda B to Parents of Young Children on Nov 19, 2013 at 4:16am | 15 Comments | Post a reply
In Need of Catchy Comeback

I am an adoptive parent to 2 girls - ages almost 8 and 6. I have heard the many, often dumb things well meaning and not so well meaning people…
- Posted by binaboose to Parents of Young Children on Sep 16, 2013 at 3:57am | 24 Comments | Post a reply