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Are Baby Showers Off Limits?
Posted: 17 November 2009 11:57 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  18
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In my blog post, “I’ll Cry If I Want To”, I describe the emotional healing process after two failed adoptions. As we re-enter the tough ‘waiting’ stage for a domestic adoption, I just find it impossible to attend friends’ baby showers without risking a break-down. Anyone else face this emotional challenge? I want to support my mommy friends, but I need to be realistic about (and respectful of) my own tender emotions…

Posted: 23 November 2009 10:15 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  13
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Renee, You are not alone! We had several mis-matches (fall throughs) and I boycotted baby showers and first birthday parties for about 3 years. My friends were very patient and understanding. I sent presents with other friends or ordered them online and that was that. Just be honest with your friends that it’s really difficult because you want a child so badly and it’s a difficult process. My friends and family totally understood. Best wishes in your adoption process! Hang in there!

Jamesandtiffanyadopt
http://www.wedreambig.shutterfly.com

Posted: 07 March 2010 04:50 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  4
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I agree. There have been several occasions that I have wanted to opt out of but felt bad doing so, but at this point I think that if I can’t go, I can’t go.  I will continue to be supportive and happy for my friends, but it does take a huge emotional toll sometimes.  I just keep telling myself that someday it will be me and I try to picture how happy those same friends will be for me when its my shower time.  (That is a whole other topic - how do showers work for adoption??)

Posted: 08 March 2010 07:03 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  9
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I did the same thing…  just didn’t go to them.  It can be really hard, and you should not feel bad for having very real and painful emotions when attending showers.

For our (adoption) shower, we waited until we’d been matched with our daughter to schedule the shower and register for gifts.  It worked out well.  We adopted from Ethiopia, so we had some time to plan and prepare before bringing our daughter home.

Posted: 08 March 2010 05:05 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  18
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Well, I’m happy to say our waiting is over. After receiving placement on our son Miles almost six weeks ago, we are having a “Welcome to the World” party for him. Our friends and family have been waiting to do this for us for quite some time and we have so many people interested in meeting him that we may actually have to hold two separate parties!

Posted: 04 April 2010 03:01 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2
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Thank you for posting your blog.  It has made me feel less alone as I sit in my empty apartment this weekend after deciding not to attend the family Easter Sunday get together.  Nobody gets it when all of a sudden I tear up.  Often they think it is silly of me.  I am sure, these feelings will go away or at least that I will learn to handle my emotions a bit more, but for now these gathering with family or friends and their precious little ones are just too difficult.

Posted: 04 April 2010 03:02 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2
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Thank you for posting your blog.  It has made me feel less alone as I sit in my empty apartment this weekend after deciding not to attend the family Easter Sunday get together.  Nobody gets it when all of a sudden I tear up.  Often they think it is silly of me.  I am sure, these feelings will go away or at least that I will learn to handle my emotions a bit more, but for now these gatherings with family or friends and their precious little ones are just too difficult.

Posted: 06 April 2010 06:28 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  1
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I never had a miscarriage, but at age 28 two days before my one year wedding anniversary, I was diagnosed with Uterine cancer.  A year and a half after that, I had a hysterectomy.  It has been about 6 years now and we started the adoption process two years ago.  Still waiting…..  We actually got matched a year and a half ago, but the birthmom changed her mind.  I know how you feel about the showers, parties, etc….  I have attended all of them, though.  And there has been many!  Probably between 1st birthdays and showers a total of about 20!!  I usually keep my feelings inside, but I would cry alone.  I wouldn’t even tell my husband.  I know it is hard, but I love all of my friend’s and families kids and I really did not want to miss those important days. The most upsettting part was that that one person would say “Is this hard for you”, etc… I just hope when our little ones come we have the biggest Party ever!!!!!!!!  I know it is hard, but you should try to go. It does get a little easier!  Good luck!  Congrats to Renee!!!!

 
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