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Open Adoption Not So Open?
Posted: 11 November 2009 12:41 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  112

In When the Open Door Is Shut, I describe how the open relationships with each of my child’s birthparents has deteriorated over time, despite our best efforts and strongest hopes. Now I’m left wondering how to explain a birthparent’s disappearance to my son.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? How can I explain our changing relationship without leaving my son feeling rejected or forgotten?

Posted: 01 December 2009 07:22 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  31

Well, I don’t have any experiences to share in answer to your questions. Rather I am responding because I have been thinking about our relationship with our son’s biological mother too. He is only six months, and right now our relationship is pretty open…we have visited together several times and she will be visiting us and staying with us in our home closer to Christmas. So right now I am anticipating an active relationship that allows our son and his bio mother to know each other in person. But, as you mentioned, that could change. She is young and her life will certainly become more complex and busy in time. I feel as if I am always second guessing myself and my actions (am I emailing too much, not enough, would she like less contact, more?). Perhaps it is just because the relationship is so new that I feel insecure about how to foster it best.

Posted: 18 December 2009 07:26 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  2

I also think it is very important for children to have that open relationship. Its not as complicated as most people think. I have adopted five children, two of which have an open adoption. I tried with the three others but it didnt work out that way. Its unfortunate for my children. Although I have found some family members that are blood relatives that we are in contact with.

However in this whole process I came up with a great idea.

I have created a website . It allows anyone to have an open adoption and still keep the anonymity if they choose. It took two years to come up with a final product but I am VERY pleased with the results. It is a secure site that only the adoptive parent and whomever they invite can see. It can even be written into the adoption agreement. Not only can I upload pictures and letters, but I can send notes to the parents and they can respond. Especially with parents that may move a lot, or not have a stable address, this is accesible anytime they can get to a computer. The library is free. And this site is free to them as well.

Biological parents and relatives have the opportunity to answer questions about family history and their family tree. They also can upload pictures and video. They can also send gift cards through the site without even knowing address information. I personally use the site for my open adoption and although It was written as two letters a year. I upload pictures as often as I can. Every once in a while, mom will write a quick note to say “tell my boys I love them”.  They are too young to know much about it, but when they are older, I believe that this will be important to them.

I say dont give up. Maybe something less formal then written letters in the mail may be easier for the parent. The computer is non threatening and easy.

Posted: 18 December 2009 05:31 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  112

What a wonderful site you came up with.  It’s misspelled above but here is the correct link: .

I will definitely look into that.  Thanks for designing it!

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