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Single child wants sibling
Posted: 27 October 2009 03:18 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  5

At dinner tonight our dd whom we adopted at birth announced that she “hates being alone” and asked us if we could “someday” get her a brother or sister.  We have consciously decided not to add to our family.  How do we handle this??  She took us off guard.  She is 5 yrs old and attends a wonderful all day preschool where she has many friends.

Posted: 28 October 2009 06:37 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  15

That is a tough one, especially if the question took you by surprise, but you should definitely stick to your guns if you and your husband have already made a conscious decision not to grow your family. Adoption experts always say that wanting a sibling for your child (or your child’s wanting a sibling) isn’t a reason to adopt again—you should only do so if you have the desire and are able to parent a second child.

That’s great that she has many friends at her preschool. Are there any other sibling-like relationships you can foster? Does she have cousins close to her age who live nearby? Can you join an adoption support group, so that she can talk about adoption with peers? At your daughter’s age, you can probably still talk about her only-child status in a matter-of-fact way: “There are many different types of families. Some have two parents and several children, some have a Mommy and a child, our family has a Mommy, a Daddy, and one child—you. You don’t have brothers or sister, but you have lots of friends at preschool. You also get to spend a lot of special time with Mom and Dad.” You might also want to check out these two articles from AF’s archives: “Having Just One?” ( and “Your One and Only” (

Let us know how you end up talking about this with her, and how the conversation goes!

Posted: 14 February 2010 06:30 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  15

My son is three and has recently been asking for a sister.  We have not decided one way or the other about expanding our family.  We go back and forth on it.  We love our son and would be content if he is our only child and we also know we would be equally thrilled to raise another child.  But I refuse to adopt just so my son can have a playmate or not be lonely.  He has plenty of friends, we provide him with a lot of our attention, and it would not be a sibling’s responsibility to keep him entertained or to be his friend.  I respond to him by telling him I know he wants another child in our family and we would love to be parents to two children but we also love our family exactly the way it is too.  Sometimes we play the what if game.  What if he had a brother or a sister in our home and how he would imagine it would be like.  This is the time I gently correct some of his thinking.  In his three year old world another child would be old enough to enjoy all the things he does right now.  He also loves babies and I have let him know the child would be cute but most likely would not be a baby but a much older “big” kid.

Posted: 10 May 2010 09:07 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  3

My DD was five also when this subject came up and she was our bio but explained to her that god wanted our family like this.
A few weeks go by and she comes home excited to tell me Emily in her class got a sister from China and we should go there.
Of course once again I explained that it was probably not going to happen.
Then I started researching adoption.  Talked with some couples and my husband getting a large bonus kinda tipped the scale that we would do it.  During this time DD is so excited but she does not know what is in store for her!
We did not adopt because DD wanted a sister, however, it did not hurt that she was on board with it all and didn’t think she was getting replaced as some siblings do.
Medically I could not have anymore children and I didn’t know anything about adoption. 
I was an only child my self and understood not only wanting a play mate but also the feeling as an adult.  Burying my father by myself and always latching on to other familys celebrations..I thought the Waltons were awesome!
So just like anytime you add to a family we hoped they would get along and we certainly got our wish.
I’d do it again in a heartbeat but I think this time our family is complete.
We did want to make sure they were at least 2-3 years apart and it ended up they were almost 4 years but again that was a blessing on the more competitve nature of girls rearing its head:)

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