Sign In to Add a Forum Post

NOTE: These forums exist for archival purposes only.
Please post any new, active discussion topics to the most appropriate corresponding adoption group

 
2 of 2
2
What can I do?
Posted: 14 October 2009 12:24 AM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  27
Rank

I know that I can never heal the hurt that my son may feel as he gets older and realizes that he has another mother somewhere else. I do talk to him about her (we call he Omma Oh) but he does not yet understand. We celebrate Korean holidays and I will encourage him to learn Korean (his choice) so that if he decides to go to Korea, he can speak the language.

I love this little boy with all my heart. I would like to know from adoptees what did you need from your parents? What did they do right in regards to your adoption and what did they do wrong?

I am hesitant to reveal the things my a-parents did “right” or “wrong” because that tends to lead to a very black & white approach: “just do xyz and your adoptee will embrace his culture.”

People are very unique individuals. Voicing what my parents “could have” done better is a useless attempt at perfection or to avoid mistakes, because it’s impossible to avoid mistakes. I’ll give you an example:

You mention you will encourage your son to learn Korean so that if he decides to return to Korea, he’ll be able to speak the language. This is a very nice sentiment, but the wrong mindset. No one can achieve fluency or at least close to moderate language abilities in a classroom. Kids learn language by being immersed in it, by having their parents, friends and neighbours speak in it. Unless you live in a bilingual or Asian/Korean-centric neighbourhood, chances of that happening are slim to none.

I have taken Chinese classes for 2 years. The only stuff I was able to retain was survival language. I could not have real conversations with people. My connections with my family and siblings were only surface-deep because I had to rely on body language when words failed me. Being able to go back and actually converse beyond “How are you. My name is ___” requires far more effort than just sitting in a classroom once a week for a few hours.

The closest thing I could recommend would be language immersion classes. Perhaps a course to introduce the basics, but then switch to a bilingual classroom environment. Kids do not learn to hear what is not being spoken. Of course, young and older kids may simply just get frustrated at being “locked up” in a classroom and being instructed in a “foreign” language. That’s because they focus on the here-and-now - not what may happen in the future.

So, you say. What do I do?

This is one of the inevitable obstacles caused by transracial adoption. This is why I do not give out “lists” of what to do or what to avoid; there are too many variables. Either your son will love learning Korean, or he’ll end up absolutely disliking it. Or maybe he’ll actually find it somewhat interesting as first, but boring as progress moves onward. If he’s in an environment where Korean is rarely ever spoken, he won’t feel motivated to learn it. Why learn a “foreign” language when nobody around you uses it?

I suppose my biggest piece of advice would be: Whatever you decide to do - whatever your son decides to do in terms of his Korean heritage - make it FUN.

And my final word: If you ever end up being serious about language-learning, I’d recommend a tutor, or a fun activity to learn that will allow interaction and real-engagement with Korean-Americans (or Canadians?) beyond the tapes and the pencil & paper.

People don’t talk like classrooms.

黃 美玲

Transracial Chinese adoptee, in contact with her original family for 3 years
~ reunited overseas for 3 months with a culture/language barrier

Posted: 19 October 2009 07:44 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  6
Rank

I just needed a mother and a father. I think it is very wise for you to recognize that your child may have problems but you’ve got to remember that he probably won’t and you don’t want to coach him into any.

Korean classes and spending time in the community are wonderful. They help build a connection and a sense of belonging - don’t worry that your child will not be fluent. Neither are most of the children attending Korean class with two Korean parents at home! It’s just a nice experience. ..

You will want to raise a strong capable individual. That’s the goal of every parent and the older your child gets the more you will recognize that apart from managing multicultural issues you will have the same parenting tasks and goals as every other parent.

All of our children will face myriad challenges as adults. For children adopted internationally, traveling home can be a very tricky thing because they are expected to belong but are in a place they know little about. By teaching your child confidence, life skills and perseverance you will set him up to be able to handle scenarios where people expect him to know more about Korea than he does.

Give your child a breadth of experiences so that he knows his native culture, his family’s culture and global cultures as well.

Posted: 08 January 2013 08:13 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  3
Rank

What you need is your parent’s unconditional moral support.  That’s it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

mercury poisoning treatment mercury detox natural
safe mercury detoxification
lead poisoning antidote treatment
cancer treatment cancer treatments
adult autism treatment autism treatments autism how to cure autism how to treat autism


find cheap flights find cheap airline tickets cheap flight search cheap airfare deal cheap air travel cheap plane tickets cheap air flights  find cheap flights cheap airfare deal cheap air travel cheap plane tickets cheap air flights cheap flight search find cheap flights cheap airfare deal cheap air travel cheap plane tickets cheap air flights cheap flight search find cheap flights cheap airfare deal cheap air travel cheap plane tickets cheap air flights cheap flight search mercury poisoning treatment lead poisoning antidote lead poisoning treatment mercury detox safe mercury detoxification aluminum chelation heavy metal detox for iron heavy metal detox in body metal detoxification heavy metal natural detox detox clay baths clay bath experiences detoxifying clay detoxifying bath bentonite detox bentonite clay detox bath magnetic clay bath clay baths for children
detox diets for weight loss how to lose weight fast how to burn stomach fat what foods burn fat the fastest way to lose weight best way to lose weight foods that help you lose weight fast ways to lose weight foods that help lose weight what is the best way to lose weight foods to lose weight whats the fastest way to lose weight fastest inexpensive way to lose weight how to lose weight extremely fast how to lose weight super fast

Posted: 08 January 2013 08:14 PM   Ignore ]  
Total Posts:  3
Rank

You need moral support.

 

 

 

 

 

 


mercury poisoning treatment mercury detox natural
safe mercury detoxification
lead poisoning antidote treatment
cancer treatment cancer treatments
adult autism treatment autism treatments autism how to cure autism how to treat autism


find cheap flights find cheap airline tickets cheap flight search cheap airfare deal cheap air travel cheap plane tickets cheap air flights  find cheap flights cheap airfare deal cheap air travel cheap plane tickets cheap air flights cheap flight search find cheap flights cheap airfare deal cheap air travel cheap plane tickets cheap air flights cheap flight search find cheap flights cheap airfare deal cheap air travel cheap plane tickets cheap air flights cheap flight search mercury poisoning treatment lead poisoning antidote lead poisoning treatment mercury detox safe mercury detoxification aluminum chelation heavy metal detox for iron heavy metal detox in body metal detoxification heavy metal natural detox detox clay baths clay bath experiences detoxifying clay detoxifying bath bentonite detox bentonite clay detox bath magnetic clay bath clay baths for children
detox diets for weight loss how to lose weight fast how to burn stomach fat what foods burn fat the fastest way to lose weight best way to lose weight foods that help you lose weight fast ways to lose weight foods that help lose weight what is the best way to lose weight foods to lose weight whats the fastest way to lose weight fastest inexpensive way to lose weight how to lose weight extremely fast how to lose weight super fast

 
2 of 2
2