I believe expectant parents should have support.  Ideally that would be the best scenario for all individuals expecting a child.  That support should come in the form of financial, emotional, and physical.  In reality this doesn’t always happen.  Many women who find themselves pregnant and in less than ideal situations do actually raise their children.  A small minority, in the grand scheme of things, decide to place their child with an adoptive family.  Every expectant parent should be given the options and understand what is available.  It is their right to decide to do what they believe is best for them and their child at that time.  I’m a big believer in choice.  I have known of many siutaions where expectant mothers have been bullied into raising and not placing their child by using various tactics and threats.  Choice means the freedom and ability to select the option that you think is best for your situation.  The freedom to be free from coersion from any party.  I believe it is unfortunate we don’t trust women to know what is best for them and their children.  So I support the choice that expectant parents make.  If it is to raise a child despite the hardships then they should take advantage of all resources available.  If it is to place their child it should come in the support of hopefully finding the best placement possible.

First of all, I wholeheartedly agree that adoption, like many other situations in life, is not black and white.  It is not our place to judge a birthmother’s decision to give up her child; nor is it our place to judge people who want to be parents.  In our case, our daughter’s birthmother decided to give her child life instead of aborting her, which had been her plan until she found a crisis pregnancy center through a friend.  The birth mother has 2 other children she can’t support, no home, no job, no income, no partner, no family, no support.  She also lives in a country where she would get little to no help from the government.  She had been in the same situation more than once in the past, and she knew that the best chance her daughter would have at life would be with someone else.  She has written a letter to our daughter explaining her choice and telling her how much she loves her and wants her to be happy, which we will share with her when she is older.  Just because some adoptees feel incomplete and struggle with loss and identity issues, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t adoptees who don’t feel that way.  I personally have several family members and close friends who were adopted, and all of them had a positive experience and think positively about adoption.  Several of them have adopted children themselves.  If an adoptee has had a bad experience or has negative feelings about adoption, please share with us adoptive parents what we can do better!  Again, adoptive parents can’t all be classified as good or bad, but as for my husband and myself, we simply wanted to experience the joys of being parents and raising children, and there are millions of children who need a good home, for whatever reason or circumstance.  It is hurtful to me for people to suggest that either the birthmother is wrong for choosing life for her child or my husband and myself are wrong for wanting to be parents to an adopted child.