We are facing a dilemma…

We have a semi-open adoption agreement with our 4-year old daughter’s birth family. The birth mother did not want an open adoption and only during the final days agreed to meet us and have a few photos taken with us. She chose to keep her pregnancy a secret and there are members of her family who do not know that our daughter exists. And if the family were to discover she had had a baby, some would quickly figure out who the birth father was, which would cause grief and turmoil in the family. 

Even though we do not agree with this secrecy and the impact it will ultimately have on our daughter, (precluding her from a potential relationship with the birth family and causing more unanswered questions than necessary), we feel we must honour her birth mother’s wishes and our agreement.   

We share our daughter’s adoption story with her, and soon want to prepare a Lifebook. We have photos of her birth mother, but can we include them in the Lifebook if we want to respect the nature of our ‘semi-open’ adoption?  We know our daughter will want to share her Lifebook with others as she is curious and excited about her adoption story, and we encourage this, but by including the photos, are we dishonouring her birth mother (who lives 8 hours away) as well as potentially revealing her secret if someone sees the book and happens to know her? 

Any thoughts are appreciated!
Binnie